Deaths...

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I've been pondering death lately - always a cheerful subject, eh? - and I wanted to know whether I'm in any way unusual as regards the number of deaths that have occurred in my family and circle of acquaintances. I'm 25 years old now by the way. My maternal grandfather and grandmother died in 1991 (age 67) and 2006 (87) respectively, my paternal grandparents died in 1994 (74) and 1999 (78 ). I was relatively close to all of them. A big shock was the death of my father in 2004 (49). Also, a great number of old uncles and aunts (from my grandparents' generation) died in the period 1999 till now. I was close to only some of those though. Currently I have only a single relative over the age of 70 left. A few friends of the family died as well during the past few years, often before their time. One whom I particularly like is in the terminal stages of colon cancer right now; he's only 52.

It sometimes makes me a bit morbid, if that's the word to use. But then again I think spiritually it's a good thing to be made aware of one's own mortality now and then.

My paternal grandmother died about the same time in my life as you maternal grandmother died in yours, and our grandfathers each outlived them, respectively. My maternal grandfather died when my mother was only 12, and my grandmother on that side died when I was in my 30s. My mother died just over a year ago; my father yet lives in his 80s.

Overall, I have no fear or concern related to our mere mortality. However, this past year (since the death of my mother) has been a time of pondering the states of affairs, as I have observed them, at the times of death mentioned above ... and that kind of thing does concern me. Overall, and while including the lives of still others not mentioned here, I see many who have died discouraged by unanswered questions and broken dreams.

I believe death and "discouraged" do *not* have to come hand-in-hand.

I was never all that aware of my own mortality before around the age of 21 (2007). My paternal and maternal grandfathers died in 1995 (77) and 2003 (78) respectively, and my maternal grandmother died in 2007 (83). My paternal grandmother is still alive (85). I consider all of them lived into quite old age, so it never seemed unusual to me that those who have died would. In fact, my paternal grandfather and matenral grandmother had suffered age-related illnesses for a long tiem before their deaths, so I didn't really give it a second thought (my paternal grandfather died of a sudden brainb leed).

Hower as I said since like 2007 I've been more aware of my own mortality. The direct precursor was a fellow patient in the psych hospital being diagnosed with terminal cancer in his late fifties. There were quite a few older people on my ward who looked much older than my grandparents and were in their late fifties/early sixties, so that shocked me a bit. From then on I was aware that I could be getting cancer at a young age and maybe no-one would know. None of my family members have had cancer so I don't think I'm genetically predisposed, but that doesnt'say it all of course. I had a long time in 2008 of worrying htat I would die in that year (I do have unexplained medical issues but there is absolutely no reason to think they would be serious), and most of 2009 I considered the year to be sort of a bonus. Now it's 2010 and I guess I'll have to face the likey possiblity that at age 23, I may have 50-60 more years to live. You know, I think it's a good thing to be aare of your mortality in some way, but it gets paralyzignw hen you worry about it all the time and don't plan ahead.

I only have 8 people in my family. Everyone else is either dead or I've never met them. So at least you have a family. That's something.

I never knew my maternal grandfather. He passed away when mom was in her teens. My paternal grandfather passed away in Nov 2008 at the age of 87. My maternal grandmother died in July 2009 at the age of 94. My paternal grandmother is still alive and she will be 90 later this month. My paternal grandfather outlived all of his siblings. Only one of his brothers made it to 80. The others passed away mainly in their 60s. My parents are still here.