Am I speaking a different freaking language or something!

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Trying to talk to people is so FRUSTRATING. I feel like all I am doing is bashing my head into a wall or running in pointless circles for all the good my attempts do. I don't know how many times a day I have to say that's not what I said, restate what I said and still get no where. I feel like I need a translator, but how would that even work if the words coming out don't seem to mean the same thing to anyone but me and I don't have a clue where to start to explain. Every time I try people usually seem to assume I'm lying or being an ass and I end up just flat out exhausted. Writing things out seems to go a little better, but other than my boyfriend I don't feel comfortable handing over a written dialog. So far my attempts at communication usually end one of three ways: 1. them mad at something I said and I'm still trying to figure out why they didn't understand what I said, 2. I give up and get railroaded over, 3. if I'm really stressed or they are really pushing my buttons (especially if its a repeat conversation) I get pissed and all that comes out is verbal vomit. Trying to explain why I did or did not do something comes off as just excuses and worsens the more valid the reason.

A recent example:
My aunt and me got in a fight over something that was really just a misunderstanding. In the fight she threatened to call DCFS and have my son taken. I know she said it just out of anger and would never do it in a million years, but I'm still very angry about it and would rather just not be around her for a while. Everyone keeps finding it necessary to remind me she wouldn't do it for real like that makes it better and then is very upset that I won't forgive her and bring my kid over right away to visit. Yes she loves him a whole lot, yes not bringing him over means my cousins and uncle can't see him as well; but really what is wrong with asking for a couple weeks away from her. I'm not comfortable with him being over there a lot more than I'm mad because of threat, empty or not it makes me uneasy that she could even just say it.

I had problems communicating to people how absolutely awful the medications I was given a couple years ago when I had a break down made me feel (i.e. I was going through those emotionless feeling and even suicidally feelings from a high dose of antidepressants) and being told by multiple people just give it sometime and you seem so much better now though. I felt like the emotional wipe effect the meds had just made me less of a pain or something so it didn't matter how horrible they made me feel. It was worse trying to tell my doctor (I never can seem to get across anything at all to doctors and usually just avoid going because it seems like such a waste of time and money to just get that uh huh sure look).

Another thing I don't get is what do people mean when they say they're there for you or you can always count on them? When I say it I mean it in the literal sense, like your balling from a fight with your significant other and I have to go to work in three hours you can still call me. I might not know what to say but you can vent at me all you want. Or if something comes up and I made a promise to you first, the promise comes first (worst thing someone can do to me is break a promise, I take that word VERY seriously). Crazy ax man going to kill you, one sec while I find a baby sitter (sorry got to make you wait a sec on that one to get my baby out of harms way, but still). It just seems like when people say that and try to make it like they really mean it it means they are actually less likely to go through with it. They'll do things for you, but not when you really need help or someone to talk to if the problem is too inconvenient despite how much you need the help. And no I don't expect people to just do things for me, but why make a promise to help no matter what and not mention the 'except whens' up front. I don't know, maybe its just irrational, but I feel lied to when this happens and so usually don't believe people when they say it; but if I don't turn to them when I need it I usually get lectured or even yelled at for not turning to them (usually despite being told off for doing so at other times).

Maybe what I don't get really is why no one around me seems to get that those little white polite lies do not freaking compute! ARGH! Say what you mean already! Damn, my posts get long when I'm upset.

Yup.

this

I feel the same way. You run around in circles with these people, only to have them still think they're right no matter how illogical they are, or how clear you try to be.

agreed.

I think we need an AS to NT dictionary >_<

My goodness.......you have read my mind.

Computer says no......

Mics

I realised, long before I discovered I had AS the people generally do NOT communicate very effectively.

There are 4 key parts to any message and when people 'communicate' they generally miss one of them out (or at the very least fail to incorporate provisionality into their message)

As poor as most people NATURALLY are at communicating, our species seems to almost be a basket-case when it comes to 'listening'.


Now then tell me what did Miggs............(whoops, blurt)


When AS is added to this potent cocktail, it is little wonder that we feel constant frustration and anxiety when attempting to communicate with people.

Our communcation tends to me more focussed on collecting and exchanging information/facts.

NTz communication, at any time, may have a completely different agenda.

In answer to the thread question;

People in general ARE speaking their own individual language: Aspies often seem to speak a language that is the least related to any other language.

What agenda?
I cannot imagine a single time my comments were not dispensing information.
Or exchanging or collecting.
How could one possible do something else?

I sympathize with you about the doctors being totally useless. I cant stand my doctor because I feel like shes not even listening to me when I speak and she seems too eager to give me her opinions before I even fully tell her whats wrong. Its because of this that it took the doctors months to diagnose a serious condition and I STILL dont have a treatment for something that could potencially make me go blind!

Sadly, most people dont really listen to you. When in a conversation the other person is mostly just waiting for their turn to speak and get their opinions out, yours dont really matter to them. This is why I dont voice my opinions much anymore. No one wants to hear them, especially if they conflicts with their opinions.

But you have to be your own avacate in this world. You know the old saying, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. If the doctors refuse to listen to you about how you are feeling, and who would know better than you, then just say look, either shut up and listen to me or I'll just look for another doctor who cares about what their patients think.

Hi, thanks for venting. I really liked reading your post because I can relate to just about everything in there (the only exception is having a kid). Hopefully my reply is helpful to you; since you were venting then of course you're not expected to read every response here.

Even though I think I'm the same way when talking + needing a translator, I would love to know what you're saying to people and what your meaning is exactly. I understand when you try to explain your reasoning and all people take it for is an excuse, but there are some keywords and phrases you can use to make it sound valid to others. I'm obviously younger and have less experience than you, but I've also had "social training" (okay, it's called therapy) and I betcha I could give appropriate advice for your conversations.

I can also completely understand Isabella's post and my experience with others has resulted in the same "quietness" in standard conversations. It sucks, but in the long-run, it really doesn't matter.