Right now i think i ought to just commit suicide

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I'm gonna tell you something, yes even I contemplate this stuff. I can't do it because I know it is wrong. Even though I feel so guilty of my stupid mistakes. I feel my mistakes in the past ruined my present and future. I had the chance to fix them but no, I didn't. I too feel that my meds are the cause of some of these problems.But I have to accept the past now. I can't get those days back. I have to accept what is now and move on. The future can be written correctly if you choose to make a new path for yourself. If you feel the meds ruined you, be assertive and explain. I didn't think they were the cause back then, but now I always think if these pills really did anything for me in the first place.
I wasn't thinking about it then, because I thought they were. Now 10 yrs. later I think they may have ruined me at the time frame which affects me today.

I have to say I didnt acutally mean i really wanted to. i said that sort of with my hands in the air. i was tryiing use like verbal devise . but looking back now i see thats realllllllly not an ok thing to say.
kinda of the last vestige of my odd pendantic manner of speaking.

Don't do it keep in mind the effects on your friends and\or family if you did I think they'd miss you alot they'd be really crushed too I think think of the pain they'd go through missing you

I should point out i forgot the sarcastic smily, saying that was really really stupid. i in no way shape manner or form actually meant that. it was an expression of absoulote frustion at the my rotten situation. im really reall sorry i freaked everyone out. i was completely screwed over from a bunch of (legal) drugs that were forced on me against my will. i am now screwed over even more from new bunch drugs thatt were forced on me yet again. the term i believe is andohnia as opposed to depresion

hahaha great post.

Hyperion, are you bipolar? I have rapid cycling Bipolar II. It is hard sometimes trying to figure out the right cocktail. Just don't quit your meds without your pdoc and a taper.

well something someone told me that saved my life once..

no matter how screwed you thing you are no matter what, you allways have something to live for.. revenge.

bp no emotonal troubles yes
plus cushing syndrome(blown out thyroid and adrenal glands)
it was scewing with my body and screwing with my head
it made me invincible(it gave me a wolverine like mutant healing ability, no germ or injury could touch me) while it was killing me(all the cortisol it was dumping on my body was tearing me apart inside

thing is endocrine problems look like mental problems.

finally caught up to me 4 years agos


though i did/do have form of mania-the personality complex know as megalomania

Granted, but Asperger's is not a temporary problem . . .