I hope you guys don't care so awfully much, but I'm pretty sure I need to rant a bit. I'm in desperate need of hugs. This past week has been a trying one, to say the least.
I've been all out of sorts. I can't stop crying at the slightest provocation. I keep thinking thoughts that don't feeeel like mine. *uber pouts* I'm finding it harder to keep up my cheerfulness. And I feel very not brave (would that be unbrave?). Basically, I'm a bit of a nervous breakdown shambles mess.
I'm struggling with school. Math is evil. And attempts to steal one's brain.
My mother is being more understanding than ever in her own way-- yet is being even more overly protective as a result. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, thank you very much. I'm not so immature that I need her to constantly be peering over my shoulder. She's going to drive me nuts. Even more insane than I already am.
She wants me to go see a therapist, or something. I used to have one. But pretty much left cause the lady made me feel weird. Lots of smiles and reassurances that didn't really help. *cringes* That was a few years ago, and since then I haven't seen anyone, really. I've been okay with just talking things out with a couple of friends who actually seem to get me fairly well.
I'm all sniffly, and I'm normally the happy-go lucky cheerful kid. *pouts*
My mum and step-dad are getting a divorce. He's been around since I was five. Maybe I've ranted some a few years back about that guy. But he's finally out of the picture. But honestly, he was the only person who really knew exactly what I was thinking-- even if he did think most of it was fancy and foolishness. That I was niave, or whatever. Or too hyper. He hasn't spoken to me in six months. Don't get me wrong, I didn't like him. He was mean, even cruel with his words. But he was like me. I wouldn't be surprised to find out he's an aspie despite denying their existance. Perhaps that's his reason? *shakes head* Who knows.
And one of my best friends. I don't know how to help him. How to cheer him up. We've been really close since last summer when all of this divorce stuff started. He's been a stable presence. But he's depressed-- has been for a while. And I don't know what to do for him because I seem to be making things much worse. He thinks he's in love with me-- maybe he is. I don't doubt it. It's just that I dont' really liiike guys. Well, I mean. They're nice. Pretty. Whatever. But they scare me a bit (due to past experiances). And while he understands this, he's also a bit resentful of it, I think. (Jeff, if you're reading this... *pouts*)
*deep breath* Thank you for listening. I would love any advice, if you have it. Or just hugs. Because that would make me feel better, as silly as it seems. *passes around cookies*
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~A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.~
16 Apr 2010, 9:41 am
