Why do people bully?

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People bully because they're small people that want to be big, but don't want to work very hard or think very much.

I'm sure there's more to it, but I haven't quite figured it out yet.

I think bullying is a good way to raise your self esteem. Good in the sense that it probably works well. It establishes pecking order - what could be a better boost to your self-esteem than to know you are at the top of that pecking order? Or at least, relatively higher than someone else? Not only that, but it gives the bully a sense of power to know they can do something socially unacceptable and get away with it. Nobody bullies people above themselves in the pecking order and gets away with it, but when someone bullies someone underneath them, the victim is unable to retaliate to good effect.

Given this, the worst bullies by far are those who are most popular. They may have more to lose if their actions are seen as undesirable but they have the most support. You will never see a bully attack someone without the support of others, be that 'active' support by fellow bullies or 'passive' support by bystanders who don't necessarily condone the action, but believe the bully is somehow justified because they also believe the victim is unlikable.

I think it's naive that many people think that bullies have low esteem and are somehow compensating for it. They are refusing to acknowledge that much of our self-esteem can be based upon innate anti-social tendencies. By this, I mean that we take much of our self-esteem by comparing ourselves favourably to others and flaunting our superiority.

Enigmatic_Oddity

Does that mean if you get stuck on a desert island with nobody to peck that you lose all your self esteem?

I think that their up-bringing has a lot to do with it. There's a very young Bully around where I live. It turns out that his Mother is a Prick. She's even had the nerve to tell that Pest that I was Mentally Challenged, which I'm absolutley NOT. And I don't act like I am, either. I see being Mentally Challenged as having an IQ that's 75 or less. My IQ is 113.

Well then I imagine it becomes a non-issue.

I'd have thought it would be come an extreme issue for people who can only like themselves (self esteem) in the presence of others.

But people who do not depend on others for their sense of self esteem might be fine.

I think the best kind of self esteem is based on what you think of yourself without the influence of others. If you don't care what others think or don't think then you don't need to be in the pecking order, you stand outside and independent of it. So if there is no pecking order you are fine.

If you totally depend on others for any self esteem or ability to like yourself - then really you have no self esteem at all.

In primary school:
I gave a much younger ethnical african racist remarks 2-3 times (he had not done me anything).
I called an extremly fat girl (do to some disease) in my class bad things when she once spoke to me. (I was in a bad mood and she just tried to be nice)


In primary school the people bullying me (not only at school) were mostly idiots. At this time I also became "friend" of people who only used me and I did not stand up for people who could have been my real friends.

In middle school 13-15year, some of the people bullying be were smart (smarter than me, good grades in all subjects), that was far more depressing. I fantasized about killing them.

Why do people bully, because it is a useful skill.

I think some people bully others because they are cowards and insecure, and that seeing someone who is different threatens them in some odd way.

And we're the ones who are meant to have problems with changing routines...

I don't think it would be wise to make a witty retort in front of a bully even if it goes over their heads because I agree with enigmatic oddity, bullies will always travel in packs to make themselves more secure. If you go up to a bully with his supporters hovering around and proceed to make witty insults, your chances of putting him in his place are gonna decrease more than just a little bit because you're the one who's gonna get you're ass fried.

It is probaly because they hate themselves.

I am bullied and then I started bullying other kids. I was almost arrested and that made me stop. However bullying is cruel and people need to stop.

Most people's self-esteem is very much based on how they compare themselves with their peers, and how well they're integrated into their society/community. That self-esteem is just as real as any other, and I don't see why it would be worth any less than self-esteem originating from within oneself.

It was something Theodore Roosevelt said, and I guess it caught on. Oh, wait, the question wasn't "Why do people say 'bully'?", it was "Why do people bully?"

I guess it's because they are jerks or they have nothing better to do. Either way, it's childish.

Enigmatic Oddity

It might be "esteem" but it isn't "self esteem" because they are not getting it from within themselves, they are getting it from outside. Take away the outside "esteem" - and what is left?

Self-esteem doesn't occur inside a social vacuum. You can't just ignore the fact that people live within social networks; they are an integral part of one's self-identity.

The way I see it, all self-esteem is based on one's ability to interact with the environment and get positive results. Other people are part of this external environment, too. If you wanted to take away 'outside esteem', then you'd have to take away the entire outside environment. There would be nothing left, and with nothing left to compare yourself to, you'd have no sense of self, either.

So again, you can't isolate self-esteem from everything outside of yourself, because everything outside of yourself has an impact on self.

About comebacks. Are you people crazy?! We're Aspies for God's sake! Anything we try to throw back at someone will back fire. Example, if one says, "Your only doing that because you fancy me" Everyone will say YOU fancy THEM, not vice versa. Aspies have no real counterwit. That said, I am not willing to be bullied, or let any other Aspie be bullied! There must be some way to stop this, but it isn't comebacks!