The Three Areas of Failire

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Really, there's only three areas in my life I care about succes in:Film, Writing, and Romance.

Romance-No chance. If my lack of social skills doesn't cinch defeat here, it;s my looks, if not my looks it's my lack of charisma, or my lack of money and car, as well as interests, as well as research showing alpha males are the successful ones, all together that would alienate most potential dates away. It's not sex but a loving relationship I want but due to the overwhelming number of impentrible roadblocks described above, it seems statistically and logically impossible to find a girl who could fall in love with me. There's the end of that.

Writing-WritingForum is my own personal hell. I've had one piece of writing there gain mixed reviews. Everything else the reviewers consider so horrible they can't even finish and none of them have had anything at all positive to say beyond the one exception, and taking their advice didn't help. The Webook publishing contest, an absolute f*****g disaster. My book finished almost dead last among it's category and most of the votes I got were from people who wanted me to return the favor. FanFiction.Net, just forget about it, barely any reviews at all and no noteriety despite writing there for years. My book I'm attempting to publish is 0-3 so far, the one Webook voters didn't give a s**t about, and it looks like book agents would sooner drink poison then look at my work.

Film-This is the one area I should excell in above others. I took film classes, have been studying film for as long as I can remember, have made films, written scripts, written reviews........nope. I wasn't considered good enough for the film degree program I applied for, which there is few around me.

So not good enough to be in an intimate relationship, not good enough of a writer, and not good enough to be a film maker. I'm 21 mind you so I'm practically entering my prime if not in it as far as creativity and writing ability. Success in one of these areas could do wonders for me but as is, I hit a dead end in all three. What a waste of time I've been.

I stumbled upon this doing research and I created this account so I could reply. I'm in love with a man who has Asperger's. He lacks social skills, isn't the greatest looking guy, not much in the way of charisma, doesn't have money or a car, only shares a few of my interests, and is definitely NOT the alpha male type. But... I think I'll say yes when he asks me to marry him. I'm what I guess you would call neurotypical. (Sorry if I'm not up on the lingo) And even though I don't feel like I'm all that special he really thinks I am. He doesn't really lie so I guess that he means it. He's the best guy I've ever met, even though others might disagree, it's because they don't know him. Before he met me he'd resigned himself to being alone for the rest of his life. Guess I changed that. Hope it gives you hope.

As for the other stuff, I feel like a failure at life. Funny thing is I'm still alive, so I must not be failing that bad.

I want to point out as far as FF.net is concerned that reviews aren't everything. If you're writing for a series that's not one of the top tens or if it's a story that's no a mainstream idea, you do tend to get less hits. The thing is, reviews don't constitute good or bad writing just what the general public wants -- which is usually crap.

I ran a fanfiction panel with three other folks at the last convention that I attended/staffed and in all honestly, this is a common misconception. If you're tryin to get your fic out there, I would suggest as well putting it on other sources (livejournal communities are a great place to start).

Also: check hits rather than reviews! I tend to forget to review when I read fics myself, so don't feel too discouraged!! And remember: are you writing for you or are you writing for other people? That's an important question to ask yourself.


Romance...well, I have to say I've pretty much given up on it myself of late. I'm an aspie girl, and while my problems tend to be quite different, I know how discouraging it can be.

For a writer or film maker, 21 is NOT your prime. At 21 you should be working and learning and developing your skills, but you can hardly expect to be doing the best work of your life at your age.

I can relate to your situation. I started making films in my early twenties and started seriously trying to learn to write by my mid-twenties. I'm now 45. I recently looked at my old notebooks and was rather shocked to discover how far I have grown in the past 20 years. I had made a couple of pretty bad films in my twenties and then gave up in despair. About a year and a half ago I started getting back into making short films.

Even without the benefit of making films on a regular basis for the past 20 years, I have learned a great deal and the films I am doing now are far better than any thing I tried to do in college. And even now I still consider myself an amatuer.

It can be terribly discouraging to feel you are going nowhere. You can feel like you should be "getting somewhere" in your career by the age of 21. Some artists do great work when very young, Orsen Wells for example. But Orsen Wells never made a better film than Citizen Kane. Most artists don't really start hitting what anyone would call their prime until they get into their 40s and some, like Joseph Conrad, don't even start to publish until their 60's.

It may not be fun, but you may want to plan on the next 10 to 20 years as the period of time required to learn your craft. You might think you have been learning for ages and it's time you were admired for your work, some people just take longer to develop the skills and acquired the life experience to be able to tell a good story.

Do not become discouraged. Focus on learning your craft. Work hard. And even after 20 more years, it will still be difficult to get noticed. But do the work that you have to do for yourself. Don't worry too much if people don't like what you do: there will always be people who will be generous with their disparagement. Do the best work you can. That is ultimately the best anyone can do.

I hope this helps,

Lars

And just because I think the film actually has something useful to say about what you are going through, here is the documentary I made in early 2009. It is a short film that looks at my mother's work on some self portraits that she was doing at the time. She has just turned 70 and still struggles with being accepted as an artist.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BSjCHPZ5mY0[/youtube]

Wow, thank you for the answers people. These honestly did help me feel a bit better. Sorry if this sounds generic but I did read them closely. I'm not good at thank yous, they end up sounding like something from a fax machine so I apologize for that.

I can be the exact same way when thanking people -- it tends to come across as me not caring and just saying it becaus I feel obligated reguardless of if I do or not. Glad you feel better, though.

I'm so romantically challenged, that I just gave up on that area, and decided to focus on the many other areas, in my life.

Most people go after something they enjoy. Only problem with doing that, is that not everyone can get great in it, even with effort. I think that's actualy common of humans. Plus, some places have just jerks in it, others not. I wanted to be a film actor to. I was auditioning for stage plays till some paranoid..... person.... destroyed years of work, not to mention my stage reputation for the rest of my life in one whole town!

You and me both.

Being autistic can give a person a rather altered perception on life. That might be what's turning off readers. Since your perception won't change, there must be a writing style you can use that'll make it a masterpiece. Have you tried poetry or songwriting? Lyricists can earn royalties on albums if they encounter the right people. I know people on the spectrum have issues with networking, but there is always what I call the Forrest Gump Factor: luck.
My only goal is to have a band that gigs regularly, and my own apartment, and I'm already 2 days shy of turning 27. Start small, and see where things end up. When I was 17, I expected to drop out of college to play with a famous band, and die at the age I'm turning right now. But now, I know I was never created to be a shooting star, and I'm thankful.

I agree.

In my twenties, I was all set to be some great film maker. It didn't quite work out that way. Now I make small films to please myself. It's not everything I want, but at least it is something.

My creative work, especially my photography, seems to be almost completely inaccessible to most people. Most of my non-commercial photographs are abstract compositions where I intentionally try to hide any cues to the size or spacial relationships within the image. The effect, at least for me, is a vision of the world where things are not easily understood and everything is somewhat distant and isolated. But within that, i try to create a beautiful composition that is the visual equivalent of a simple, but pleasing melody.

I think most people can see that they are well made photographs, but they have little to engage the interest of your average NT. They may ultimately be images made for an audience of one. It would be nice if everybody loved them. Sometimes it is terribly demoralizing to feel that I am doing all this work and at the end of my life it will all be chucked into a garbage can, but I have to remember that I am taking these photographs because it satisfies some need in me. I am not taking photographs in order to make people love or understand me. If they communicate to someone else, great. If not, I'm still better off for having made the images.

Lars