My Problem?

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I have depression. I'm not sure how bad it is. I don't really care anymore. I don't think I really care about anything anymore. I sit at my desk all day, immersing myself in my computer. It's all I know. My ex broke up with my a while back after half a month of being together. I loved her since I was 8. She liked me that long too. Anyway, it wasn't meant to be and now I just feel lonely and depressed all the time. I'm on 250mg of Movox/Luvox/Fluvoxamine and it numbs me for most my day, but it wears off around night. Sometimes I feel like hurting myself, but I don't.

You defined your "problem" in your first sentence..."depression." Do you have a therapist who you can share your thoughts and feelings? If you do not, get one...even if you have to go to your local public mental health clinic.Or, since you are only 14 years old, go to your school guidance office and ask your school counselor for help. That's what they are there for...

Find out why you are so apathetic about life...and learn how to change your attitude. Life is a journey not a destination.

It's entirely possible you have depression. But don't assume I'm being condescending or patronizing when you read this, because I know where you're coming from.

The way I see it, the more you go through now, the earlier of a start you get to have on others in being a good, innately strong, happy person. Let me explain:

Life is hard, aspergers or not, and regardless of 'depression'. Life is especially hard if you're different in any way. At 14, it is especially troublesome with all the premature loves and loves lost. Life will continue to be hard [but also more fantastic in other ways]. At your age, I was called mature by teachers and parents alike but this did not mean anything. It was still difficult and still painful. As you get older, you become more equipped to handle the world. This is not restricted to teens however. I was just trying to relate the situation to you in a more personal way. As you handle more and more stress, pressures and problems you get better at it.

When you reach 20, you will still have hurdles, at 30 even more, and you will continue to hop over them in a steady fashion if you keep your chin up and your values clear.

I have Depression, as well. I take 10 mgs of Paxil and Risperidone, every day. I was diagnosed, 12 years ago, in April. Those pills still do wonders, for me. It's a constant job for me, to keep myself on an even keel. Some days, I can be really hyper happy, and other days, I wish to stay in bed, even though I don't do that.

Firstly, have you been clinically diagnosed with depression and prescribed the prescription you're currently on? It certainly sounds like depression to me. No offense to the previous poster (Perin) but your words about "choosing to mope around and whine instead of picking yourself up" are decidedly unhelpful. Whether the OP has clinical depression or not, people generally don't choose to feel miserable on purpose. As someone who has personal experience with depression, this is not an illness (in any severity) to be scoffed at or taken lightly.

If you haven't been to see a doctor, psychologist or psychiatrist, I highly recommend this be your first port of call. You've said you don't know how to go about doing this, have you discussed this issue with your parents? Could you ask your parents to help you out and help book you an appointment with someone?

As to implementations you can do yourself, my best advice is to start scheduling "pleasant events" for yourself and making yourself go to them. This CBT therapy is used by psychologists to treat patients with depression alongside drugs. Basically, think of things you enjoy doing (or if you don't feel like you currently enjoy anything, things you used to enjoy doing), and start doing them again. For example, go to the movies with a friend, read a book, bake some cookies, play with your pet. Things that are relevant to you. It's very important to break up your routine and not get stuck sitting at your computer for extended periods of time. Go out and do the things you used to enjoy. Plus organizing social events is also a good thing, social support can be really important when you're feeling down.

Secondly: exercise. When you are depressed basically what happens is that cells in your hippocampus (I think this is the area although I may have got it wrong) die and it shrinks; however, both anti-depressants and exercise have been shown to help it expand and help cell regrowth. So when you're feeling down, one of the best things you can do for yourself is to get out of the house and go for a walk or a jog, or go swimming, or some form of exercise. You could even consider joining a local sporting team, or the gym. I find running while listening to music works well for me, and it helps alleviate the depressive feelings.

This is the best advice I can give you as a uni student studying psychology, and as a person who both goes through cycles of major depression and knows other people who go through depression.