I HATE MY LIFE!! !!

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Dad just got me up and I told him to leave me alone then he yelled at me and spur of the moment I pushed him he pushed me back hit me in the face and cussed at me calling me a b***h! Someone end my life now! Is college truly going to help me deal with life and be happy again?! I realied on it to make me happy which is why I've been upset/depressed these past 5 years! OMG!

Hi Zelda,

Sorry that this happened to you and that you have been depressed for so long. First, I want to say that no one has a right to hit or abuse you not even your parents. If this is an ongoing issue there are ways that you can seeks help for this. I am sure you know this. You just have to decide how far you are willing to take it and who you want to inform.

As far as college goes, as someone who was in a similar situation years ago, I say that being away from the situation is the first step and the second step getting help. It is possible to still feel helpless, worthless, and powerless long after you have left the situation. Talk to someone an seek treatment as soon as possible. Your college should have mental health services for students.

College in itself won't make you happy, but the experience forces you to take charge of your life and become independent; the most important thing about college is what you learn outside the classroom. The more control you have over your life, the more likely you are to be happy.

From what I gather from your previous posts, your problem is that you're too old for living at home and need to get out on your own; I had this problem and resolved it by moving in at the YMCA and getting my own place a couple of years later.

I think the important thing for you is to take that vital first step towards independent living and that doesn't necessarily have to involve college.

College merely offers the tools and opportunities with which you can make yourself happy. You have to make an effort, it won't just happen automatically. However, it's easier to get your life in order there because that's kind of what it's designed for, besides your education.

I'm not supporting the actions of your father, but before we start giving away free advice on "getting help," keep in mind that Zelda instinctively pushed her dad, even if she didn't mean to. Anyone seeking help is going to run into trouble because that means that his actions, even if extreme, were provoked. Proceed with caution.

On the flip side: If you are, for some reason, itching for a fight, the trick is to "bait" you potential attacker in such a way that they just lose it but have no real way of putting the blame on you for their own actions. Hang out in the PPR forum here and you'll see these kinds of psychological tricks all the time. There are many subtle ways of doing this, but the key is to find very slick, quiet, sneaky ways of pushing all of your opponent's buttons to inspire rage. If you can somehow document the exact moment that the abuse starts (audio recording, video/webcam, etc.), you have evidence that will hold up in court and can legally punish (or even banish) your attacker. The caveat is you put yourself at risk and it only works if you can maintain your will under duress. You have to decide if it's worth it. This is only good advice if you can actually accomplish something.

You also have to consider whether you really want to be independent. An abusive situation is favorable if there's something in it for you: Finances, transportation, food, shelter, etc. If you are determined enough to make it ENTIRELY on your own, grab the 4 or 5 things of yours that you just can't live without and walk out. Simple as that. But don't imagine that surviving alone isn't a struggle. Even after I finished college, I lost two jobs and walked out of a third and I make a meager income teaching piano lessons. Now, unless my songwriting, composing/arranging, or performance careers really take off in the next year or so, I might as well forget about ever becoming independently wealthy.

I'm not bitter about it. My family and I are very happy together. We make ends meet and our little children have no concept of being "poor." We have friends who just give us children's clothes just to clean out their closets, so we work hard to do what we do and we try to help our friends out any way we can. All I'm saying is don't make the mistake of thinking being out on your own or even finishing college is going to just magically make all your problems vanish. You sound to me like a very smart young woman. Whether you continue living with your parents or you strike out on your own, just keep working and stay focussed on where you are RIGHT NOW. You'll always have problems. The goal is to eliminate problems which are holding you back or causing you grief. The problems you WANT to have are those you must solve within your ability and expertise--for me, it's scheduling band practices, making a piano lesson schedule to accommodate 20+ students during the school day, scheduling rehearsal times for my hand bell duo, getting to church choir practice prepared and on time, getting my compositions and arrangements finished and printed in a timely manner, getting my recordings edited and mastered in a timely manner (which I fail miserably at more often than I succeed). These are GOOD problems because it means I'm staying busy and productive.

I know you've had problems with college in the past, and since you've paid some dues and (hopefully) learned from your failures, you're better likely to succeed this time around. That's the good news. The bad news is that college, just like independence, won't make all your problems go away. You're still going to be dependent on your parents for certain things, and right now that's one of the biggest things holding you back. You'll get SOME relief being away from your parents, and that's a good thing. But you'll also have to put all that behind you as quickly as you can so you can stay focused on your work. Don't create any expectations of college in your mind and try to hold your experience to those expectations. You'll be greatly disappointed and unsatisfied with college life if you do. Concentrate on your work 1st, find friendly, supportive people to study with, and enjoy a few hours a week for your social life (the occasional weekend party, just remember to get plenty of sleep!! !).

Hang in there and keep us posted on how you're doing! You can make it!

I'm not talking about walking away from home without anywhere to stay. I'm talking about looking at local government/social care websites on the internet and seeing what's available in terms of supported housing accommodation for young adults. The YMCA is probably the most famous organisation of this nature.

The whole point of being independent is having a game-plan; make sure you have somewhere to go before you move away from home.

Thank You everyone. I agree getting away and out of the house (just going off to college) will help. I also think I've tried my hardest to understand what happen to me and I want to change my behavior (I'm not content sitting on the sidelines with advice of "Oh take a pill" or "Just be yourself" I'm smarter THAN THAT! Beisdes reliing on college for happiness as I've said before I found the teacher to be nice which developed into the behavior of hanging out with her everyday turning into a Psychological issue (I need to find friends/boyfriend to fill this void and NOT a teacher) Thanks again for everything.

Sure, no doubt that a game plan helps. I'm just saying it depends on the desperation of the situation. I don't think Zelda's situation has deteriorated to that point yet, else she'd have called the cops on her dad.

I've been watching that Teen Mom show on MTV, and I'm particularly fascinated with Farrah. She had a situation when her mom punched her in the mouth. She reported her mom to the police, the cops arrested her (the mother), and Farrah has been forced to move out and try to make it entirely on her own. Sad to say she isn't doing very well. At one point she just left her daughter (1-year old) just outside the entrance to her apartment while she took her time putting up groceries. I'm not saying she should HAVE to put up with violent behavior from her mom, but as ditsy as she is, she'd have been better off sticking around, enduring the insanity for just enough time to get through school, and then take a job on the opposite side of the country without giving her mother any kind of warning before leaving.

Zelda sounds like she's in a similar situation with controlling parents who don't treat her very well (perhaps a lot worse than Farrah). I'm really hoping and praying that Zelda well get some relief soon.

Thanks! I hope I get some relief soon too. I'm only going 2 days a week M/W so maybe Tuesday have a friend/boyfriend help me pack and just LEAVE! While everyone is at work LOL! No letter no call to upset my family just LEAVE! I HOPE I can meet a friend/boyfriend I can move in with! Sadly financially I don't have the money to move out even with a roommate that's 3-400 a month which I don't have! So we'll see. Thanks again!

"Leave me alone." That's all you said? That hardly qualifies for a shouting match.

It seems to me, that you're the only sensible person, in your family.

Please tell me you are not or will ever be a counselor for abused women or children. Provoking someone to beat you so it can be recorded for evidence is not very sound advice either...just saying

I hope things get better for you Zelda.

I'm looking at it purely through a non-emotional, practical point of view. It's devious. I recognize that. And it depends on how much it's worth to you. I highly doubt many people would actually pull a stunt like that.

But to be perfectly honest, cops aren't going to investigate a crime if there's no crime to investigate.

And I do happen to have a bit of a psychological edge, having studied it extensively enough for my bachelor's degree in education, actual experience in the classroom, HOURS spent one-on-one with children, not to mention my wife actually does have a degree in psychology.

Further, my own father was horribly abusive towards me and my mother, a situation that didn't even BEGIN to improve until I got strong enough and tough enough to give back as good as he gave it to me and then some. I'll never forget the relief I felt the day he died.

So yeah, I know a few things about "getting to" people.

And it depends on the abusive relationship. Someone else mentioned having a game plan--and that really is spot-on. If you can manage to make yourself invisible long enough to get it together just enough to just walk out, that's the better option. If you have a reliable degree of independence but you just can't through off those last remaining bonds of your parents, a black eye caught on video will go a long way towards making your point to the cops. I'm not talking about just randomly f*cking them over just because you feel like it, plus that can backfire, too. You just have to be smart about it, understand the risks, and act in accordance with what's going to work out for the best.

One thing I would NEVER counsel a child to do is contact DHS to be removed from a home. While it may very well be true that such an abusive home can really mess up a child, foster care is often much worse.

Yeah, I've had "friendly neighbor" types call CPS on us for no better reason than I can think of except that they held some kind of grudge against us and grasped a good opportunity to use our unfortunate circumstances against us (my wife and I had both lost our jobs and were on the verge of losing our home as well, not to mention our son had persistent recurring ear infections).

Oh yeah, and before my wife and I started dating, I helped get her out of an abusive relationship. And it was a situation in which we actually did go to the police about a crazed ex-bf.

There's not really that much I haven't seen or personally experienced myself. I understand you find some things I say offensive, but some people might find it helpful to examine both sides of a coin.

That makes alot of since. If possible I'm looking to move in with someone at college. Not sure if I meet a friend/boyfriend but as I said financially I don't have the money to pay someone 3-400 a month.

Understood. Although, to be honest, even a part-time job in fast food will at least give you enough money to pay rent and keep the lights on. If you manage to, say work a minimum 30 hours a week and schedule your hours around your classes, you've got your rent money in 2 weeks your electricity/running water in one week, and one MORE week to account for what they'll take out in taxes...

It would work out something like 4 or 5 hours a day during the week plus longer weekend shifts. That will still give you plenty of time to study for your classes.

And that's assuming you don't have a roommate to share the costs.