I don't know...

Post Reply New Topic

Does this ever occur with you? Do people ask you questions you feel unable or unwilling to answer?

Last night I was at an event where people were socializing. It seems people always decide to ask me about my research work, and the thing is I'm extremely burned out, bored, and just plain overwhelmed, with my work. The truth is I'm not interested anymore and I'm just struggling through it because I know if I don't all my previous effort will be wasted and my prospects for the future will be shot.

Yet all these, well meaning, but dreadfully annoying NT's, want to ask me these annoying goddamned questions. This annoyingly cheery guy last night kept asking me "what was the part of you're internship you enjoyed the most?" and I kept replying "I don't know". What the hell do I have to say to politely imply that "I don't know" means really I don't have a flippin clue and I don't want to talk about it? It's these moments where I feel like I just want to wilt away. I seriously feel like nobody understands me and I just want to die to get away from all these fake smiley people.

This is what gets me. I just can't handle it anymore. I can't handle having to hide my depression around people so it does no good for me to "go out". I'm better off by myself even if that also makes me depressed.

lol, I know how you feel. I automaticly respond with 'I don't know' to almost every question I'm asked. I'm not sure if it's because I actually don't know or because I just have no interest in having a conversation.

A lot of times I find myself just saying 'meh' or 'oh' to act interesting in what people say. Every now someone will ask me whats wrong. Nothing's wrong, I just am not interested in talking to you about any of the stupid crap you come up with and I'm not going to pretend like I am to make you feel good.

I don't even know why people still talk to me. Maybe they think I'm a good listener or something, lol.

Jeez. People are only trying to include you.
If they all completely ignored you and didn't ask questions wouldn't you feel excluded?
If you don't want to answer those questions- just change the subject.
You're lucky that there are nice people around willing to include you in conversation.
:/

I don't appreciate your tone. For your information I'm not nasty to anyone IRL. I really try my hardest to be nice. I'm only venting here because it's the only place I can.

Changing the subject is easier said than done if you can't think of a subject. The fact that I'm depressed already means that only a very limited number of subjects could possibly elevate my energy above the level of "meh". Then add on top of that the fact that I had so little in common with those people.

I suppose it's still all my fault though. I'm supposed to be able to will myself into enjoying the company of people who are, to be honest (no offense intented), boring and taxing on me. Again, my fault. I could "choose" not to be depressed and uninterested by nodding and keeping on a plastic smile. But wait a minute - that's exactly what I DO do, and it doesn't work. I still come back feeling like I've just wasted my time. But oh well, as long as I just keep pretending everything is fine - that's good, just keep all my "bad" thoughts to myself. Until one day I just snap completely.

I didn't think anything was wrong with your question until I read the first sentence of your third paragraph. I had typed a response relating to your problem, but after reading that one sentence I just didn't feel like we have the same problem after all.

Might want to reword it, but if that's really how you feel about NTs, then more power to you.

Sorry. This wasn't intended to be an NT bashing thread.

I guess the thing that's really frustrating to me is just the way society is in general. It seems everyone assumes that someone who went through the trouble of graduate school is a "highly motivated career go-getter" personality. I'm not motivated. I don't want to talk about my "career plans" as I don't have any. I happen to enjoy learning and have a natural curiosity about the world, that's it. That's what got me this far in life. But it doesn't translate into what people think. I hate work for the sake of work or work for the sake of social status.

Are your friends asking these questions or people you just happen to have to be around at any given moment?

I notice that friends tend to get my moods and don't ask me how or what I am doing if I am depressed but my relatives will ask me the same stupid questions every year at stupid parties. Alas parties are a fact of life as people lean toward gluttony and alcholism.

The change the subject was good advice but I would add instead of just parroting back the BS spewed at you that you should just plan to do something with the people you are hanging around with besides just hanging around with them ( that is if you really care too maintain a sort of relationship with these people) such as hey lets go bowling (insert social game of your choice) this weekend . Planned activities are the best way to go because it gets people focused on the task at hand versus on your life or theirs for that matter.

I have learned that people generally like to ask you these small talk questions because they feel awkward around you and are trying to make themselves comfortable by controlling the conversation. Very annoying I understand this. I use to work at a call center and it would annoy me when customers would ask personal questions while I was trying to do my job. I just wanted to tell them to shut up.

They Are trying to figure you out. Figure out what makes you tick.
There is no mystery here, NTs for one reason or another like to have the small conversations, they hate silence, silence in a room is comparable to how we feel around small talk. Uncomfortable, and awkward.
Although I love intellectual conversations, those are so far in between you can't expect to have one at most parties or get togethers.
We can see through the facade, and see the phoniness for what it is.


I hate being ask questions, especially personal ones, by people I barely know, all you can do is strafe around the question and let them do the talking.

I'm left pretending to be interested in small talk just so I'm not completely forgotten or "rude/shy/quiet".

These weren't my friends. It was an event my father dragged me to. He thought I was having an ok time but I was really bored and depressed the whole time and wanted to leave as soon as possible. It was also a church event and I'm agnostic/atheist (a fact I feel like I'm forced to keep to myself because everyone just assumes I'm christian like them )



I understand. It's just really really hard to deal with people when I'm depressed. I don't mind questions that are easy to answer. What I hate is when people ask things like "what was your favorite?", or "what do you think of xxxx?" and then I have to close my eyes and/or stare away for 10 seconds or more just to think of something to reply when the real answer is "I don't know and I don't care".