Best way to lop yourself?

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Last edited by hale_bopp on 12 Dec 2010, 2:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Oh don't! I for one would miss you kicking ass in the L and D forum...

I can't know what you are going through, but I've been there myself. I still am, but it DID get better. And it is getting better.
It can for you too...

Though you don't mention specifics, I've had huge problems with how to deal with men, and I too brew on the bad experiences that I've had in my life.
It comes to a point where even if and when your life gets better the depression is almost like a habit, like your brain is stuck in a rut. It's so hard to get out of.
But you can, I promise.

If you want you can pm me, talk about whatever you want. We're here for you.

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Last edited by hale_bopp on 12 Dec 2010, 2:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Well, I've had that feeling too. I honestly don't know what I can tell you though.. but it did change.
At least for me that gives me confort. No matter what it's not constant. For better or worse things will change.

And i've seen your picture you are not ugly in the slightest you are quite cute. And I truly doubt any of those other adjectives are true either.
And I'm not saying any of that for the sake of showing sympathy. I'm a cynical b***h most of the time
You call them like you see them and you stand for what you said, I really respect that. And I can tell you're intelligent.
I'm not even a regular at haven, I responded because it was you. Because I've seen you around and I've never thought
you were feeling like this and I truly think you shouldn't be. I don't know what's happened to you to get you here, but it is possible to dig
yourself out of it. It's hard and it takes a long time, but it really is nice to be alive when you take those burdens off.

Life's an endurance run, its not where you are now but where you end up. See nthach's thread - I'd say the same thing to you or anyone else.

Also, you're 25, I was confronting some truly dark (existential) thoughts and realizations at that age. Figure out what you'd need to keep yourself going and chase those goals, even if they're three or four times higher than what the people around you seem to need.

... and I sometimes feel that same way about myself, but we are not, and that proves our feelings cannot always be trusted.

Please remain with us here.

Don't kill yourself. If you kill yourself, you just have to relive a similar life with the same problems and if you kill yourself in that life, you will have to repeat it again, it just goes on and on, like you are stuck in a bad video game. The only way out, is to deal with the downsides that life has. It will get better though, definitely, I promise but you have to go digging first. You have to find out about yourself and figure out where this self hatred comes from. There is something that isn't real, phantoms of people that have treated you bad in the past that are controlling you and keeping you from appreciating and loving yourself. Once you find these ghosts and confront them, you will see the beautiful girl that they are holding hostage.

My experience is that life is a series of highs and lows. There are times when I feel excited to get up in the morning because of all the neat things I'm planning to do that day. Other times I can barely walk out the door because all the attacks I know I will face when I have to deal with people.

Life can be a roller-coaster; up and down, changing unpredictably. Sometimes you feel the worst just before it starts to get better. Maybe this is only because anything better is better than where you've been. Or maybe it's because you have to hit some kind of bottom before you can start climbing up again. I don't know.

Anyway, you have intelligence and talent. The posts and videos you've made here are well thought out and helpful to others. I haven't seen a video from you in a while. It might help if you worked on another one.

A problem I often run into (and it sound like you might be doing the same thing) is that when you do creative work, any time you reach a plateau of achievement, that becomes your status quo. You feel like you have to hit that level of quality every time or else you are a failure. The problem is that learning and growing is not a linear process. Sometimes it's two steps forward and one step back. Sometimes it comes in great leaps and then leaves you where you are for long periods. The result is when you are at a plateau, you might not feel like you are making progress. You may feel like you are going backward.

Sorry, I'm going on a bit about learning more than social interaction because dealing with people is something that is learned. Maybe you are in a stage of learning new things about dealing with people that is mostly experimental. Remember most experiments fail. That is the nature of experimentation. It's frustrating because it would be nice if things just worked smoothly. My guess is that if you ease up on yourself a bit you may find that, without quite realizing it, you have been learning a lot about people recently and that some of the difficulty you are experiencing right now will soon become much easier to deal with.

Regardless, please take care of yourself. Don't make yourself any crazier than you have to. Allow yourself the freedom to be the person you are right now - not the person you think you are expected to be. I haven't been where you are, but I believe I've been in similar states. With more experience, it does become easier.

Good luck.

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(what i said was not well thought out)

Last edited by b9 on 13 Dec 2010, 3:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

Every time I thought of it, I can't and won't it. And I've had people talk some sense into me. But it's a royal b***h for us - we can't establish friendships or relationships easily, we can't socially operate like NTs and so on. But I think things get better as expectations change as we age.

Don't kill yourself. It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem even though to us aspies it's more of a workaround than anything.

I don't know what "lop" means, but I've considered suicide before, and each time, I stuck it out one more day. Part of it was knowing that things might get better if I let them, and part of it was procrastination "Ah, I'll kill myself tomorrow!" But things got better after a while, and once I decided that I didn't belong in society, and subsequently stopped being a willing participant, I've been in cruise control ever since. It's not me that's the problem; it's everyone else. Sounds kind of narcissistic, but it's the truth. People are so hung up on being like everyone else that they never learn who they are.

That approach worked for me. If you kill yourself, you will never find out what works for you. Margaret Mitchell was about to jump off a bridge during the Depression, and then a guy approached her and said he was looking for writers. She wrote Gone With the Wind.

Uuuhhhhh shiiitttt I honestly don't know exactly what to say.

I don't think you should do too much soul searching. It's like scratching an itch when scratching it makes it worse. The whole appeal of soul searching is that it'll supposed to enlighten you or fulfill you, but it can easily become an unhealthy obsession and actually leave you feeling empty since there's nothing on your mind but your issues. So yeah, don't leave yourself preoccupied with them.

I would spend the longest time just obsessing over my issues and feeling trapped in them. Then outta nowhere, I'm cruising around to music, not really thinking hard about anything and I'm feeling great.

What are your hobbies, interests, and passions? What are your deeper motivations (like being the best you can be and maximizing pleasure, surviving and minimizing pain, etc.).

I do hope you feel better about your situation. You seem like the type of person who hates placing blame, but you don't need to hold the weight of the world on your shoulders. You don't owe anyone anything but the most basic human respect. I think you need to redefine what measures your worth. I have a "Don't give a f**k" attitude so even if everyone else thought I was worthless, untalented, ugly, etc. I would say to hell with all of em. Even if what they say is true, it doesn't mean I deserve to feel like s**t when me feeling like s**t benefits no one but others.

btw I don't think you're ugly, I think you're hot and I'd actually like to meet you

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Last edited by hale_bopp on 12 Dec 2010, 2:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think a lot of people feel that way, and if you can think of anyone around you who doesn't seem to feel like they come up short if they weigh themselves against the world around them - odds are they do and simply don't talk about it. Our inherent instinct is to try to satiate our needs for achievement, it seems like a lot of us have the need for fifteen minutes of fame or some other way that we've left a mark on the world after we're gone or that people will remember our names, that we will be missed or live on in people's memories - the people who can somehow bypass that whole mess are the happiest. Whether you ever have a ton of friends, whether you'll still single at sixty, it's really irrelevant. Your life is about you and there's a certain point where I think you will learn to tune out what people have to say about your means.

I've always thought when I'm ready to die I'd join the army.

You do have an impact. Your voice is heard far more than you might believe. For all who have responded here, there are many who read your post silently and understand what you are going through.

But the distant contact of an internet forum can only partially fill the void. Aspies may need face to face contact far less than NTs, but that doesn't mean we don't need it at all.

You are a valuable member of this forum and despite how you may feel, you are valuable to the people in your life who know and love you. This may give you no comfort. Sometimes you just have to trust that others care about you and actively want your company even though it feels like no one possibly could. It won't fix the pain right now, but sometimes telling yourself that others care for you, even if it sounds like a lie, can help you get back to meaningful contact with others.

I sincerely wish you did not feel this pain. Maybe all that anyone can do for you right now is to listen. There are many here who can hear you and can understand. I wish you well and I hope you can come through this pain as quickly as possible.