What can I do?

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I am really worried about my life at the moment. I am a recluse. i have body issues like not being satifisfied about my height. i go through dangerous amounts of stress. I use my nearest and dearest as nothing more than instruments of gratificiation. the guilt is eating away at me. my paretns will probably not live much longer. my own mother thinks very little off me and ignores me and compares me unfavourably to famous people. she thinks very little of my qualities.

i have taken a few months off after the stress of college but i do not feel relaxed maybe i need to get a job?

i feel so guilty about what i am doing to my family. honestly I feel like i shold be shot.

i had a horrible tantrum earlier and it cause of a lot of destruction.

I feel guilty about what I am doing to my family as well, but I am doing my best to make progress. Are you working on a project or anything?

And, you don't deserve to die because you are letting your parents down. I have let my parents down many times, but I realize it is their expectations that are being let down, and I just can't help that.

the worst thing is using my nearest and dearest as gratification.

I am just using them as tools of gratification. Pathetic I know. my own mother has low opinons of me.

I don't understand what you mean by "tools of gratification" but we all use the ones we love for comfort, attention etc. and they use us in the same way( but you may be too young or immature to reciprocate in that way). With parents.... sometimes they may not come to you for comfort, attention etc, but may need to be needed by you!! I know that sounds weird but it actually fulfills a very basic need to for them i.e. maternal (or nurturing) instinct. This is the type of relationship that I have with my mom. Although I try to be an emotional support for her , I am generally too emotionally immature to do so. She is mainly an emotional support for me , but I know that I fulfill a nurturing need of hers.

If you mean using your parents for things like food, money , basic necessities of life, then all I can say is that it is okay to take longer to become independent and look after yourself. I have to believe this bcs I am 25 and still living at home.

Anyways , you are not a horrible person for "using" your parents in these ways......it is quite normal.

btw I now realize you never said your parents were the ones you were using, but we also all use our friends, siblings etc. for comfort , attention etc if we have a good enough relationship with them

My mother just does not think very much of me though. its very hurtful.

I feel the same way with my parents sometimes. I am 25, and still live at home, but I do my best to move forward in life. Slowly, I am making progress. I just try to not think of how I am letting them down. Instead, I focus on trying to become successful in my eyes.

So your father tells you to kill yourself and your mother holds you to an impossible standard.

I'm sensing a pattern here.

What pattern is that waverfreak?

Its hard because after the tantrum last night my dad said "I should be locked away". I fear when i get older will i turn into one of those creepy loner weirdos with no friends. If you watch the movie One Hour Photo its like what Robin Wiliiams character experiences. I defenintly felt that way when I started college 4 years ago.

i think i have a mental illness and i don't know what i am going to do because its almost like i am almost destined to be alone with no friends.

understand as well that is hard for me because i think i have AS and yet it does not run in my family so i am virtually an alien to them. i know there is not much you guys can do to help me but i think mentally i am quite unwell and yet at the same time i am uneasy about seeking out help.

Ironic that i might have been born an normal happy person but the vacination i got when i was 2 might have caused me to develop AS at least that is what my dad told me 2 years ago.

My own younger brother who is 18 although he claims to care about regurley uses me as a cash macine becasue he always asks money off me. my parents give me money and sometimes my brother takes my paretns money of me etc....

As you mentioned, I think getting a job might be helpful. It sounds like you need something that will let you get away from your family on occasion. It might be useful to find one that requires more physical effort and less thinking at the moment. The reason why I suggest this is that you don't want a job that will add to your mental stress and there can be something gratifying about some strenuous physical labor.

You do sound like you are under an enormous amount of stress. It seems counter intuitive, but one thing that could help is if you ask your parents and other family members what their concerns are. Ask how you can help. It seems wrong because it sounds like you are the one suffering most, but sometimes other people can attack you because they do not feel like they are being heard. Listen to them and you may find that they will ease up on you and you may also feel better about yourself.

At any rate, I get the sense from reading this thread that you are dealing with difficult issues that you are having trouble discussing. I don't know that here is the ideal place to discuss some things, but in my experience, unspoken anxieties and stresses can fester and grow. If there is anyone here or in your life that you can talk to freely, please make use of them.

Good luck.

jagati one of hte problems i have is thinking too much that is my worst problem that is causing me stress. Can medication help or not?