Was I overreacting or is he a sick f**k?

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... i realized someone i thought i could trust and share anything with thinks my social deficits make me a moron, and he doesn't have one shred of respect for me.
he was my ex that i dated for about a year in high school, and we've known each other for 4 years now. and i finally told him to go f**k himself and that we shouldn't be friends anymore. i know it had to be done, but it just feels awful losing the one person who's even bothered giving me the time of day. he's always told me he cares about me and has been there to listen to me vent, but i also sensed that he thinks i'm dumb and enjoys f*****g with my head sometimes.

so, here's what happened:
today, on christmas evening, he sends me a text saying "i want to f**k you"
and i reply with "what? ..."
he says "sorry"
me: "i don't even know what to say"
him: "so, how are you?"
me: "why would you send something like that? what did i do to make you start being such a jerk to me?"
him: "i'm sorry. i didn't mean it in a bad way"

...and then i start getting angry.

me: "well that's kind of a rude thing to say to someone who already complains about being taken advantage of"
him: "i'm sorry, but you know we're friends and i'm not trying to take advantage of you"
me: "that sounds like sarcasm"
him: "i just wanted to let you know i was thinking about you because you're my friend"
me: "well that's not a normal way to let someone know. you're still being sarcastic. it's not funny"
him: "i'm not being sarcastic. why would you think that?"
me: "oh sure derp derp. you can go f**k yourself"
him: "what's your problem? i said i was sorry"
me: "you think i'm an idiot dont you. well i at least know the difference between a real apology and a fake one"
him: "apparently you don't because i was being sincere"

...and then we continued arguing, and he was still trying to convince me that what he said was ok, and refused to admit that he was being an as*hole.

so i told him we shouldn't be friends anymore since he thinks i'm a moron, and he said "well maybe we shouldn't be friends anymore because you're too insecure"

and i had just had it. i hate him. he knows that i have a problem with guys persuing me solely for sexual purposes because i'm an insecure, dreamy, socially oblivious girl with daddy issues. he knows that i've contemplated suicide because of this problem. Am I overreacting or is he a sick f**k?

nobody can really judge the whole picture from reading that......

He does seem like a jerk yes and that text message wasn't nice. If it seems as though he doesn't respect you and if there has been a pattern of it, then maybe he is a kinda worthless person who is just damaging you.

You might have nothing to lose by dropping him completely. But only you can make that call.

You might have been overreacting to this "specific" occurrence.......but that seems besides the point if he habitually is a jerk like this.

His apology might have been "sincere" in his mind at this specific time, but is overall vacuous if he keeps/has kept changing your strings. Kind of like someone who knows something is wrong but keeps doin it.

I am not really one to talk...but if this guy seems damaging to you, I think you have to put a stop to him and I think telling him to F*** off was a good start. People who attack insecure people are parasites. I have been there before and I don't want to be there again.

Not a nice message he sent. You did the right thing by ditching him, unless it was just a one-off lapse which I guess could happen to a horny teenage guy. Friends need to be supportive and show their friends respect; they shouldn't learn about a person's weaknesses and then try to take advantage. I would maybe be forgiving of his dumb hormones but make it clear he stepped way over the line and that if he values the friendship he needs to show some respect and earn your trust.

You're doing the right thing. You're too good for him.

Based on the conversation alone, I would say over-reacting. If he wants to have sex with you and was sincere in his apology for making you uncomfortable, he's hardly a horrible person--he finds you attractive and cares enough about you to not want to upset you by finding you attractive. But I can't judge the relationship prior to this point. He may well be "a sick f**k."

I believe that you are overreacting. His apology being deemed insincere seems premature. And the initial message may not have even been meant to pursue you . . . it comes across as agressive but it may have been meant to express affection (as in a facetious 'I love you so much I could f**k you now' between friends, which is a ridiculous but real thing.

Unless he has angered you in this way before, you need to have some patience with him as you guys work out your communication preferences.

And if he did want to f**k you ... well, you have been friends for four years. That's hardly using you for sex. He may very well have feelings for you. Just explain that you do not reciprocate at this time and he needs to be more careful with his language in the future.

Sometimes guys don't have the best ways of complimenting girls or telling girls they like them. Maybe he really did mean his apology. I think you're overreacting.
You should talk to him, not yell at him.

It was stupid of him to say what he did and if he really was interested in pursuing a sexual relationship with you then that was a very idiotic way to go about it. However he might have been joking thinking that you might have seen the funny side of it having been ex's and stayed friends for years or he might have been drunk and horny, and wanted some, none of us apart from him know the answer to that.

You had every right to be annoyed with what he originally said however assuming his apology wasn't sincere and telling him to f*ck off is an over-reation. If he didn't respect you in anyway then I don't think he would have stuck around to be friends with you after originally breaking up. Calling him a sick f**k just because of one text message, now that is unfair.

How many times have you fallen out if you don't mind me asking? If this is the first time and you've ditched him after years of friendship at near enough the first opportunity then that's incredibly harsh.

I've said stupid things to girls like that and ended up regretting it. Then when I've apologized, they haven't given me the warmest reception (rightly so).

You have a right to be mad. That was very insensitive.

He probably is sorry and he's probably learning his lesson. You may eventually want to forgive him, but make him suffer just a little bit more before you do. And I mean really make him suffer.

never forgive a man like that, ever

I'm sure he thought he could trust you not to post private conversations on the internet too. I know you're hurt, but that doesn't seem very respectful of him either. Just saying.

Honestly, it sounds like he made a (very) lame joke. A lot of guys text stupid stuff like that to friends; at least yours apologised when you were hurt. Since you've been friends for 4 years, I'd suggest accepting the apology, perhaps explaining why you where so upset, and moving on.

Anyway, regardless of his initial intent/sobriety, there doesn't seem to be any dig at your 'social deficit' there. The fact that he sent it in the first place suggests that he doesn't think you have one. He just sounds defensive.

I was in a similar situation once; the guy's explanation for being so p'd off that I was offended was that 'of course I should know he didn't mean anything bad by it'. People like this can make lovely friends, but you just need to remember that they can be moronic at times.

thanks for the replies everyone. i think some of you are right - i overreacted. and i agree that even though he could've been joking, it was a very rude thing to say. he finally apologized in a way that let me know he meant it, so i think things be ok in the future. i'm not going to talk to him for a while, but i'm willing to be his friend still.

Well it was definitely an ignorant thing to say to someone who has problems being taken advantage of sexually.

I think however, you should ask yourself.. if a guy you could "trust" and share anything with deserves a second chance. Has he done this sort of thing before?

If he hasn't then you should know.. sometimes an apology is truly measured by future behavior. You should "adjust" the guidelines for your friendship and seriously explain to him that for your friendship with him to function--what he did can never happen again.

Sometimes people say stupid things, when they're sleepy, when they're drunk etc.. i'm not saying this falls on you, its his fault. But you need to weight the pros and cons of the friendship and see if what he contributes to your life, is worth giving him a second chance to prove that he can be trusted.

From the convo alone, it looks like he was giving you a backhanded compliment when he said that.

I do think you took it the wrong way, but I don't know the full story. I do hope you feel better soon though, and it sorts itself out.

Sorry, your overreacting.

I dont think you overreacted at all, to such an unflattering and offensive comment. Even if he didnt mean it, it is kind of weird that he said it.