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MissConstrue
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23 Jan 2011, 2:42 am

Haven't been on this forum in such a long time. Not sure if it is the right place to open up. I had a doctor who got me back on my meds and then upped my dose on antidepressants. In some ways it helped I guess, I don't really know what they mean by "How do you feel?". My feelings are beginning to go from numb and oddly content to sad. I think the years have somewhat mellowed me out but I'm a little afraid. I feel like I have to pretend to everyone that I'm fine. My dad's the biggest worrier and I'm afraid if I say anything I'll get hospitalized. What's worse is I have a new doctor. I don't really care for her even though I know she's only doing her job. There's really nothing to say beyond that. I guess I'm ok I don't know. I feel too tired to deal with anyone anymore and I can't get seem to take care of myself. I have trouble just making something to eat. I'm hoping it's just a long phase that will go away eventually.

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Tim_Tex
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23 Jan 2011, 2:55 am

(hugs MissConstrue)

Sometimes I get depressed for no reason, it just happens.


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goetia
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23 Jan 2011, 2:55 am

I've been through depression as well back in the day. What helped me was focusing on what I like about myself instead of my shortcomings. Try to indulge yourself on things that you enjoy as much as you can too.



MissConstrue
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23 Jan 2011, 3:05 am

Thanks Tim and goetia. Been hard for me to communicate with anyone or deal. I can't stand the site of my family. They try to be polite but it's easy to see how stupid I come off whenever I try and talk to them. Sometimes the suicidal thoughts come and go but nothing severe like it use to be. Just want to close myself up and hide from everyone. I'm sure I'll get over it.


Thanks guys.


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goetia
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23 Jan 2011, 3:17 am

Dealing with my family is extremely challenging as well. What works best for me is living as far away from them as possible ;).



MissConstrue
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23 Jan 2011, 3:31 am

goetia wrote:
Dealing with my family is extremely challenging as well. What works best for me is living as far away from them as possible ;).


You're very lucky. I think the only family I have left are my cats. Everyone's either dying or getting married or having children now. I'm the only one by myself. If I had the money and abilities most people take for granted, I'd move far away.


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23 Jan 2011, 4:21 am

MissConstrue wrote:
goetia wrote:
Dealing with my family is extremely challenging as well. What works best for me is living as far away from them as possible ;).


You're very lucky. I think the only family I have left are my cats. Everyone's either dying or getting married or having children now. I'm the only one by myself. If I had the money and abilities most people take for granted, I'd move far away.


Cats are good people, better than most real people. They are more loyal and less judgmental.

Seeing family members succeed at the things that you would like to be able to do is painful, I know. I find that the best thing is to narrow my expectations, focus on the small things that amuse, or, at least, distract me. Accepting that a "normal" life was not for me, and finding a life that I could live has helped a lot.



zen_mistress
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23 Jan 2011, 4:29 am

I am sorry you are feeling bad, MissConstrue. Have you ever known what your depression could be about? I mean, is it a physical problem, or emotional sadness, or anything else?

Though antidepressants do some things, many doctors just give them out without really helping make sure the person heals their life, and their body too.

Is there any way you can find a better doctor?

Good to see you post anyway, wondered where you had got to....


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MissConstrue
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23 Jan 2011, 4:07 pm

zen_mistress wrote:
I am sorry you are feeling bad, MissConstrue. Have you ever known what your depression could be about? I mean, is it a physical problem, or emotional sadness, or anything else?

Though antidepressants do some things, many doctors just give them out without really helping make sure the person heals their life, and their body too.

Is there any way you can find a better doctor?

Good to see you post anyway, wondered where you had got to....


Thanks Zen. It's very hard to find a doctor that my insurance will cover. I'm with a cheap program that offers whatever it can on my Medicaid. It's hard for me to tell if this is the kind of depression I'm causing or not. Since I was put on my medication my depression hasn't been nearly what it use to be. There is still a lot of "depression" so to speak and this feeling of being trapped. I have never been one to be content in my predicament if you get my drift. The most annoying aspect is communication. Communicating with doctors and people in general is one of the biggest difficulties I often face. I could go on about what I hate about myself and my current situation but I doubt it helps. Maybe I'll wake up one day and something will click, I don't know. Right now my mind is a little chaotic and confused. I hope making some sense.

Good to see you Zen and great to be back.


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goetia
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23 Jan 2011, 5:40 pm

MissConstrue wrote:
goetia wrote:
Dealing with my family is extremely challenging as well. What works best for me is living as far away from them as possible ;).


You're very lucky. I think the only family I have left are my cats. Everyone's either dying or getting married or having children now. I'm the only one by myself. If I had the money and abilities most people take for granted, I'd move far away.


Living in the social world is definitely not my strong point either but I still manage. I'm sure you could too.



zen_mistress
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24 Jan 2011, 4:48 am

Thanks missConstrue. Hope you feel a bit better this week...


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SaNcheNuSS
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24 Jan 2011, 10:25 am

MissConstrue wrote:
Haven't been on this forum in such a long time. Not sure if it is the right place to open up. I had a doctor who got me back on my meds and then upped my dose on antidepressants. In some ways it helped I guess, I don't really know what they mean by "How do you feel?". My feelings are beginning to go from numb and oddly content to sad. I think the years have somewhat mellowed me out but I'm a little afraid. I feel like I have to pretend to everyone that I'm fine. My dad's the biggest worrier and I'm afraid if I say anything I'll get hospitalized. What's worse is I have a new doctor. I don't really care for her even though I know she's only doing her job. There's really nothing to say beyond that. I guess I'm ok I don't know. I feel too tired to deal with anyone anymore and I can't get seem to take care of myself. I have trouble just making something to eat. I'm hoping it's just a long phase that will go away eventually.

Regards.


Hello MissConstrue. Let me ask you. What do you think about the meds? Do you think that it is possible that the medication is making you feel numb and emotionless? I am here to tell you that it is a phase. This is something that you can definitely get out of. I will try to show you that way. I need some feedback from you. If you want you can also send me a pm. Whatever form you would like to discuss this in is okay with me.