noone on this pathetic planet understands me

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i just want to die now.I am 17 and i ahve no friends ,noone cares about me and nothing interests me in the slightest.The pain i feel both mentaly and physicaly is unbearable.I have searched through so many forums about aspergers and depression but noone truly understands how i feel.I cut myself,hit myself,starve myself and throw myself down the stairs.My list of problems would just go on for pages and pages.I can not handle this world anymore ,it is truly worse than the depths of hell.The feelings i encounter daily are too much for a normal person to bare.I was truly a fighter who would keep battling through to the end no matter what it took.However noone and i mean noone could endure the torment that has held me for so long.I just do not see a point in this planet and truly hate it with an undying passion.Were it not for my family i would be dead by now.My emotions towards them are what keeps me bounded in this prison like hell.

things can get better.
at 16 i would have rather been dead too.
but now, being dead is the last thing i want.

Is it just depression alone that is causing you to harm yourself so often or is there any abuse from home or outside that is causing this? Im always here to talk if you need someone to talk to

I suggest Box therapy.

Step one: Acquire many boxes
Step two: Arrange Boxes in a pile
Step three: chaos.

well i have been severely depressed like this for 2 years now and it has just gotten worse!I do not leave the house for the simple reason i see nothing out there.I do not see a point in this life,I have no motivation or energy and it realy is awfull.I have the worst mind set imaginable .I would rather not talk about my past experiences because it just makes me angry and does not help me,as i have tried in the past.I dont want to go to college,have a job or anything.I just want to die continously and it is something i can not control.I am so angry atm that it is causing me to smash things,throw things and lash out at people.I only used to leave the house for appointments or to attend the unit i was at last year.I was literaly chucked out of the unit after beingg diagnosed with aspergers(16 years too bloody late!!) and since then i ahve endured hell every day .It gets so bad i am up all night walking around the house,flashbacks and just thinking with the mind set like"tommorow will just bring more pain,i do not want to get up in the morning and that i just want to end it tonight.It is terrible because i know i am not being offered enough support and there is literaly nothing for people like me.

What angers and depresses you so?

well it may soound stupid but....people and the world!.I always strived so hard to fit into society but i was never ever repayed.I would always put in 110% but nothing would ever work for me.I just do not want to do anything anymore ,I and everything around me feels non existant...........It is incredibly difficult for me to put these emotions into words

try being yourself instead of trying to 'fit in' - it's a lot easier.

Surprisingly enough i can relate to what your say while im not suffering the deep state of depression that you are you just have to think about the mindset you have, try a different outlook in life and see overtime if it makes a change. What sort of music do you listen to also?

Everything feels non existant why does this sound so familliar to me? Some how i know what you mean

i dont see any other outlook this is one of the biggest problems.Also i don't like music (probably due to my form of aspergers) and do not see why everyone thinks it is so wonderful .I had someone from my team around today and they could not care less about me.I keep trying to tell them that going back to the unit/hospital i was at would be the biggest help,but at the end of the day she could not care less as long as she is getting payed.She stalls for time and can not wait to leave.She smirks when i open up to her about the hell i have gone through and it makes me mad.She never gives me a reason why i can not go back either!Today i had just about had it with her and realy lost my temper,shouted and swore and told her to leave immediately.This was also in front of my mum.

There must be something you enjoy?

not realy only things that sorta distract me is anime/manga.I distract myself for ages and then i have to come back to this world and it makes me very depressed

hey there little brother/sister. I have been where you are and still go there occasionally. I feel for you. If you have any brains in your head it is pretty challenging some days to look around at society and not feel anger and depression. We are all trapped in a cycle that keeps us indebted and depressed.

Maybe you could start studying politics.. then you'd have something to be passionate about and a way to vet your anger that is very justified. plus there are plenty of other people who have been f---ed by the system and will be happy to be angry with you

You may not think it is possible, but people here understand what you are going through. We all live in hell everyday.

There is no magical solution to make your life with AS better. That is why we all live in hell everyday. But you can learn coping mechanisms to deal with the problems of AS and live a somewhat happy life. At least happy enough to make it through the day. That is why this forum could be a support for you.

I do not know comfortable you feel about talking on a public forum like this about your problems with having AS. I do encourage you though to post and seek help about how they coped from other people on this forum. If you feel more comfortable talking in private then use the PM feature and talk with someone you feel you can trust.

I may seem like an old adult. That you feel like I cannot relate to your situation. But I have gone through a period of my life where I was suicidal and self harmed myself. I know the hopelessness you feel when everyone is against you and you do not feel like you can succeed at anything. So go ahead and PM me if you want

If you can find support here and with the emotional bond of your family that can be a start to building the emotional and mental strength you need to be a fighter again.

What triggers or amplifier those emotions sometimes you have too remove all those things darks things that covers your vision, you know In many cases you can't even find conclusion yourself because you mind is going 200mph, write ever single thing down that disturbs you trust me it will help but be patient okay.

thanks for your input people.I have wrote down how i feel several times before,but the psychiatrists just brush it aside as if it is not important.When i told them about my past they could not care less and their argue,ent was merely"that was in the past".What i want more than anyting at he moment is to go back to the unit\hospital.It is the only place that can help me at the moment but they just do not listen.They have taken back so many people but they just point blank refuse to consider me.