Unexpected intrusions

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Hello. I'm new here, but have been lurking for awhile. I have a son who is currently in the process of being diagnosed as an Aspie (the dr. is wanting to take the time to definitely rule out HFA) and I'm keeping my diagnosis unofficial (though it was given by a psychiatrist) to avoid custody issues and things like that.
Anyway, I wanted to ask if others have one of the issues that has begun to bother me more and more lately. I live in an apartment and my landlord and a few other people like to show up unannounced, which drives me crazy. The landlord is a nice guy and he's usually coming by to help out with something (bringing me new air filters b/c he knows I forget and things like that), but I have a very odd sleep schedule and he always seems to show up in the morning while I'm sleeping or when the house is a mess or something like that. Also, the mailman or UPS or something like that ringing my doorbell upsets me. A week or so ago, Jehovah's Witnesses came to the door at 8 or 9 in the morning on a Saturday and that has seriously bothered me ever since. I cringe when I hear footsteps coming up the stairs outside because they only lead to my and one other apartment and the other apartment is empty, so I know they're coming to mine most of the time. It greatly stresses me out and makes me on edge all of the time when I'm home. (Well, added to my neighbor, but that's for another topic.)
Also, dropping my son off at school in the morning has become a huge task for me. The cars all line up to let the kids out and my son is fairly slow at getting his things together, so a lot of the time, one of the teachers will come up to the car and hurry him out. This upsets me to no end. I feel like my privacy is being invaded and like they're stepping into my personal territory and seeing a part of my life they have no business seeing (the inside of my car...and yes, I know everyone who looks can see that through the windows, but touching the door and looking directly in is what gets me). I get tense every day when I pull through that line and I have to restrain myself from shouting at them to go away when they come up. This makes me rush my son out, which generally requires me getting short with him and I know that sets him up for a bad day, so I try not to and fail as soon as I see the teacher looking toward my car. Then I end up feeling horrible all day because I feel like I've set him up to fail for the day or I'm stressed because a stranger has intruded on my private space.
I'm afraid to say anything to these people because I can't phrase things right when I'm stressed and I'm worried I'm going to offend them.
Does anyone have any advice on how to address this or deal with it better?

This probably won't help you directly, but I experience exactly the same issues. I ended up disengaging the door bell, and now people have to knock instead (slightly less stressing noise). I insist that the people I like knock on the door 1 time and not too loudly (that way, I have an idea who is at the door before I even look). I have a peep hole, so if it isn't the postmen or my friends, then the door doesn't get answered.

I live in an apartment, but when/if I get my own house, I'll probably do the same with the doorbell. However, it's not so much the sound, but the stress of someone showing up and I'm not prepared. When I'm home, I like to be comfortable. I can't stand the feel of bras and I tolerate them in public, but as soon as I get home, I take it off. So when the doorbell rings or someone knocks, I have to stop what I'm doing, see who it is, run and put on a bra, run back to the door (all the time stressing that it's taking me so long), look around to see if the house is acceptable for other people to see, stress if it's not, all before having to deal with the person at my door. So by the time I open the door, I'm harried and stressed and it doesn't matter if it's my best friend or my mother or sisters, I'm irritated. I'm glad my major can get me a job making good money because I'm going to have to live somewhere gated, whether it's on a good bit of land with a gate at the drive or in a gated community in order to be able to ever completely relax at home. In a place that's gated, I have more warning and no door-to-door evangelists and sales people.

I am the same way with "unexpected intrusions", and the postman rang my bell while I was reading your first post a while ago!

I can understand your concern about custody issues, and I do hope all things go well for you and your son.

Thanks. It would be nice to have a way to tell people not to show up unannounced without having to be rude. Any advice on that?

CCTV at the door and my door bell is one that I can download any mp3 file onto.
If someone presses the button it currently plays a cock calling.

My family know to phone me before appearing at the door after some difficult situations when I have still been in bed and got grief off them.

You might try telling people you have stopped answering the doorbell in order to avoid solicitors but that you will watch for them and respond if they give you a call before coming ... and then try to not be jumpy (like I sometimes am) when the phone rings. Personally, however, I an looking for some way to tell one of my brothers it would be best if he not come at all.