Am I overreacting?

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I'm upset and I need some advice.

Background:
I joined a marching-type band last Autumn. I did this to help me push my comfort zone and to meet new people. I thought this was a good idea and my family was supportive. The band provides me with an instrument and uniform, so my cost is transportation to/from practice, events, and my time. Because my band equipment is expensive, I take their care very seriously and it as if it was my own.

Since joining, I've found that the parades and competitions are much more taxing (and more frequent) than that for which I was prepared. This is taking a toll on family activities. Some events are Saturday/Sunday events, which doesn't permit me to have adequate recovery time between.

The band appears to be very social and chipper, but there are a few people, either current or former leaders, who engage in vicious gossip and critique behind the backs of other members. I do my best to stay away from the gossip, but it is extremely difficult in certain circumstances. I've had particularly difficult times with Jim, who is in a leadership position (but not the band leader). When I raised this with the band leader after an ugly encounter a few weeks ago, I was told that Jim is a jerk and I should just try my best to ignore him.

Monday:
Jim is organizing a non-Band event for which my instrument is needed. When I found out about it, I volunteered to work out transferring my instrument to the alternate performer directly. Instead, Jim took it upon himself to set up a very complicated plan, involving at least three people, to take custody of my instrument and get it transferred to the player for this event. I was informed of this plan on Monday by another band member and, in effect, ordered to comply with Jim's order by hearsay. When I objected, as it would involve a full week away from the instrument when we are two weeks from competition, my complaint was dismissed by this member. As it happens, the band leader got wind of this and ordered me not to comply. I then made contact with the person who needed my instrument and started coordinating a hand-off with that individual. The backup, per the band leader, was to take the instrument to the band leader on the morning of the event, as the leader is planning to attend.

Last Night:
Last night, Jim called me and informed me that he was around the corner from my house and demanded directions to my house as he was coming to take the instrument right then. When I informed him that I was already working with the alternate and provided him with the Band Leader's backup plan, he said that he did not care. He again demanded directions to my house. As he is a leader in the band, I complied and surrendered my instrument to him. He doesn't live or work near me, so I can only guess that he made a special trip, regardless of what he said. He said several things in the course of taking the instrument that upset me.

Separately, I have a strong sense of personal privacy and space. I do not invite people to my home except under highly unusual circumstances that are well planned in advance. I don't deal well with changes in plans or schedule.

So...I feel like my personal space was invaded. I know my evening was disrupted by this as I was in the middle of a family thing and had to stop what I was doing and handle Jim. I held myself together (barely) during the handoff, but I realized hours later that I had never started dinner, there were household things awry, and I was shaking. I know that another person who doesn't have some of the same hangups that I do might not be as upset. But that doesn't fix the fact that I'm seriously upset and feeling trapped.

Now:
I want to quit.
- The schedule is such that I'm not getting the rest or downtime that I need between events. This isn't something to which I am likely to adjust. I could continue to "gut it out".
- The gossip distresses me greatly.
- Jim, on a normal day, is toxic for me to be around.
- Jim's recent actions have upset me so much that do not want to ever see him again.
- I'm not getting paid - this costs me money in gas to/from events.
- I am not having fun. Every get-together is an exercise in holding myself together among multiple triggers.

The competition is now next weekend. To be fair to the other people who have worked hard, I'm thinking of waiting until after the competition to resign.

Am I missing something here? Should I not quit? Is there something I should be doing with Jim?

Jim told rather than asked.

He misused his power as a leader. That's not so cool.

And it sounds like he lied.

Plus, instead of being gracious when you are yielding and turning over the instrument, it sounds like he felt the need to say some critical things. Wow.

Now, the main leader has diagnosed it well. Jim is a jerk. However, the main leader is not being proactive in dealing with the situatiion. Merely telling you to ignore Jim puts you in a difficult situation, and it's unworkable. How do you ignore the guy when he calls you up on the phone? The main leader should either take the extra time and effort to coach Jim, or ask him to step down from his role as leader. That is, the main leader should demand that Jim step down if necessary.

But most leaders are not good at these kind of things. I've read that President Reagan did not like to fire people and often relied on his chief of staff or his wife Nancy. Yes, really. One more reason why we should try and be leaders ourselves, and build up our own multi-leader movement, vaguely similar to the Civil Rights movement for African-Americans.

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Okay, my feeling is that the band has some potential positives, but they ask too much time commitment. Plus all this hassle with the negativity of Jim, and other former leaders. (Wow, it sounds like the former leaders are a problem)

Maybe 'more time for family' as way to particupate less? And just don't give more information as it is private.

It is a difficult situation all the way round. These kinds of situations catch me off guard on a fairly regular basis, although I am slowly adding to my skills on how to handle them.