Angry,depressed

Post Reply New Topic

I am just angry at the world at the moment is how i feel. I feel like my life isn"t going to get better now matter how much i try i am just depressed. My doctors aren't helping me and i am trying i really think i am. The doctors just send you away with medication and it makes me feel worse they don't try to work on the problems. There is too much stress on me in my life and if it temporarily gets better it starts getting worse again. I feel lonely that i don't have relationships with many people but then i am happy being alone because i think i am content that way. But still i am depressed. i have so much on my plate with special needs kids that i take care of and a not so good marriage. I just feel like i am at the end of my rope and i can't take it anymore, i can't find any good in anything or if there is any good it always ends up going back to not so good. I keep going because of my kids they are all i have. I am having a really hard time in my life and i just wish it would get better or the doctors could help cause they arent.

Dr's can't fix a bad marriage, excess strain from child care responsibilities, or a brain that is ill adapted to
function well in some areas. IT's not the kind of problem they're there to fix. What kind of resources are
available where you are besides script monkeys ?

Not many resources available and i don't expect the therapist to fix my problems, but i am asking for their help in giving strategies to cope with the things going on in my life to deal with them better. Instead of them saying just take this pill and you will feel better and we will talk about things later and they never do. I am not bashing the therapists but what are they there for then if they arent suppose to help me with strategies for instance to cope with how i am feeling due to the stress in my life? I appreciate you reading and responding to my post. I am not posting this to talk bad about therapists or people i am just having a bad day and looking for support is all.

That's fair. That seems to be the point of this board

So what's going on ? I don't know what I can offer and I'm not in anything like your situation,
but I'll listen and help if I can.

I'm sorry

Have you considered a support group?

to the OP- keep talking to us, one or more of us might have something useful to offer.

i feel angry and depress as well. However, I do know that things could be worse. I say to myself, "well, at least i'm not on deathrow being analiy raped everyday." then, I feel better.

I try to think it could be worse cause i know it could be so that helps me too, and i am glad to have support here

I ain't no good with advice because I have none to offer, since I'm very low myself. I am sobbing my heart out as I am writing this, and everything is getting wet with my tears.
I feel that everyone's problems are my fault, like my mum's stress and depression, and just other things and the way things have turned out. I feel it's all my fault, all because I have this nasty cruel Asperger's curse, which makes me ''hard work'' to live with.
I also feel so left out and so outcasted, because I have 12 cousins and they are all NT, and I'm the Aspie. Just me. I'm just the only one born with it, no-one else. When I was first diagnosed at 8, I felt all bewildered and confused, and felt that I was the only one in the whole world with it. This is because I didn't know anybody else with it at all, and from the age of 8 onwards, I always admired NTs, and mimicked the way they behaved, and got involved with them and their activities, and from the age of about 11 I put AS to the side and tried hard not to think about it....until late 2009 (when I was 19), and that's when I started looking it up on the internet and reading into it more, then I found WP and this site has really helped me know that there are lots of others out there who feel mostly the same way I do. But although I know much more about it now than I did do, I still get confused by a lot of things (mentioned in other threads), and I still seem to know more about how the NT mind works than how an Autistic mind works.
But I see some of my cousins a lot, and I find myself getting so jealous of them, even though I shouldn't get so emotionally involved like I do. I just can't help it. I think I am born a jealous person who gets jealous of people who can interact better than I can (which is practically everyone I know, and I know a lot of people!) It's not easy to not get jealous, especially if I'm not really that clever at anything, and always focusing my mind on social events more than studying. That's just the way my mind is built - I don't know if it's because I'm female, or if it's because I grew up in a mainstream school, or what it is, but I'm just the type of Aspie who adapts more to the NT world than I do the Autism world. This is what makes me feel depressed and angry with myself - I worry too much of what other people think of me, I am very self-conscious, I have high anxiety issues, and I ''get in the way''. By that I mean I'm not exactly a burden, but I'm not exactly an averagely independent 21 year old. I'm just there, existing, and I have always clinged hard to my cousins, although now I can't because they are all teenagers and grown-ups now, and have friends of their own (as NTs ''must''). And I get a little attack of envy when another one of my cousins announces that he/she has got asked out by someone, and people are like, ''you can't stop them from having lives of their own, you know!'' and I'm always like, ''I'm not stopping anyone, I'm just fed up with everyone else around me saying they're doing this and doing that, and there's me feeling more and more fed up with my life, and can't make friends as well as they do, and so can't do anything with my life unless I do it all on my own!'' It's hard when you're the type of person who lies company and hates being on your own. Plus I have a trait of Agoraphobia, or social phobia, where I feel that when I'm walking out on my own I feel that everybody's staring at me and (worse) laughing at me. I'm sick of it! Is there any country on this planet where people are actually more considerable?! !

I share your kind of feeling, Joe90. When I was young, I had some cousins and a few other people I thought were part of my world ... but then we all got older and it was like everyone else just forgot about me and moved away and left me standing all alone out in a big empty field of some kind.

Finding one true friend in life can be a difficult thing to do, but I have three friends like that today. I do not have opportunities to get out and do all the stuff my cousins and brothers and other people do, and sometimes I am definitely a burden on my wife. However, life can still have good meaning even though it is not like we might have always thought or assumed it would, could or even should be.

to Joe90: even more lonely than lacking social graces and having the resultant solitude, is the utterly barren feeling of the whole world leaving one behind, in the dust of anonymous history. mother teresa said [paraphrasing] "the worst poverty is to be unloved, unwanted, unvalued and unappreciated by anybody."

another bit of cold comfort-

To the Loneliest One

"There is in certain living souls
A quality of loneliness unspeakable
So great it must be shared
As company is shared by lesser beings.
Such a loneliness is mine; so know by this
That in immensity
There is one lonelier than you."
[Theodore Sturgeon]

I just think I'm cursed, and I'm not blaming the AS. It has nothing to do with the AS. I am just born a very unlucky person. I reckon somebody has put a curse on me, because ever since my granddad died, I had nothing but bad luck, so I reckon that he decided to give the curse to me. He was a very angry type of person, and I reckon his spirit has took it out on me. (I don't know WHY it is me).

It seems that each time I get emotionally attached to someone, something happens to make them go again out of my life, but it's got nothing to do with me being me, or them being them. I can meet the person of my dreams who will understand me and everything, then the next day they'd probably get knocked down by a car and die or something. Because things similar like that happen. I don't know who or what is up there looking down on me, but I know that it wants me to be lonely my whole life. I know other people lose friends, but it doesn't seem to happen as often to them as it does to me. I fancy 3 bus-drivers on my bus, and there are 7 who drive that one bus (with variable contracts and shifts), but I have not seen the 3 I fancy for about 4 months now, but I noticed that all the rest have stayed. Yet, I just know that if I fancied one of them, they will be gone. It always works that way. And also I've been at my volunteer job for 3 years exactly, and lots of managers have come then left (because they didn't like the pressure and the work), but only one has stayed ever since before I started, and she's the one I like the least, and I wish she would go. But no. Plus she gets really stressed out and almost cries with frustration with the work and the pressure, but she still doesn't leave. And this has happened with volunteers - the ones who I like the best are either only there for one day a week, or have left, and the ones I'm not keen on seem to be there for the duration, all day every day. Oohhhh!! ! It's always the way! Last year I met a really good friend, and she really wanted to take me out a lot so I can have a social life (like my cousins), but something went wrong with her financially, and she had to get out of her home, and she couldn't find anywhere else in the local area so she had to move in with her mum, who lived right at the other end of the country near Scotland, and she does keep in touch but apparently now she's got a full-time job and I just know that she has moved on now and so I'm ''out of sight, out of mind'', which does happen - I'm not blaming the actual person.

Yet, I know people who meet other people, and they end up being friends with them for years, without nothing coming between them, only at times. See, if these things happened to me occasionally, just like everyone else, I wouldn't be
so freaked out so much, but when it happens every single time in whatever I do, it does make you begin to wonder.

Also (quite different to what I'm saying), I hate it when people walk harshly in the room above me, it really hurts my ears in a funny sort of way, and if my mum is going to go upstairs to just go in one room to get something then come back down, I garantee you that no matter what room I'm in, she always goes in the room above! Every time. You could pick a room at random and it would always be the room I'm below. Then my ears hurt.

But if all these chances always happen to me all the time, then how come I don't win the lottery......?