I feel like I want to die.

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OK, let me start. I suffer from Asperger's, and it makes me feel different from everyone else. Here are my symptoms:

I bang my head as a stress-relief, but it makes things worse.
Everything I say and do is mimicked constantly by others.
I have very bad mood swings.
Everyone is stereotypical of me...
I can't really go on anymore. I feel like everything I do just leads me to worse consequences; some worse than others. I believe that if I'd never been born, the world would be perfect in every way.

High school was beyond horrible. The support staff kept nag-nag-nagging at me to do my work, and I was thrown in with all the freaks EVERY SINGLE DAY. It made me feel like I was going to have to be with them FOREVER. The Learning centre staff kept changing my timetable to LC ALL THE TIME. It gave me an irrational hatred for all disabled people. There was this mentally ret*d girl I was forced to be with called Lucy Lowther (In The Night Garden much?) and she kept asking all these stupid questions, and it made me hate her. I wanted to speak to someone, but I didn't have social skills then (nor do I have any now), so I said that the one behind it all (the deputy head) raped me. I had been going to see her every day for some time, and I had wished that it would just stop. I told one of the staff that she (the deputy head) raped me, and they kept nagging on and on at me about it. I couldn't remember what happened, but I went back after summer on... I think it was a Thursday, and they were STILL nagging at me about it. I still couldn't remember anything about it, but I needed for a complaint letter my dad was sending to the authorities... or something... It did involve this Learning centre slag called Amy Birkby, and when I tried to converse with that b***h, she blatantly told the teachers I HIT her, and I clearly didn't. That ****ing slease...

I finally got away when I joined the nearby grammar school. It was HELL... though not as bad as high school. The students just mimicked EVERYTHING noticably copyable I said, and they just wouldn't STFU!! !! They still do it now. I'm struggling whether or not I should like the girls, 'coz their English-speak is bad (e.g, they say 'itch it' instead of 'scratch it') and I'm starting to think they nag at me (e.g, they say 'Are you going to work this afternoon') It's f**king nagging to me, alright.

I feel really awkward whenever I'm stressed. I bang my head every day. It's just really... I can't think anymore. My skills in English aren't really good at all. Something always tells me I'll never find hope...


I can't live like this anymore... :'(

Whilst I can probably not help you with your problems directly, I have been in your position of wanting to die myself and almost went through with it more than once, and, as clichéd as it is, it really isn't worth it and things are likely to improve in the future if you let them.

I'm guessing the main trigger of this stress is school, as you didn't speak about anything else?

This is tricky - apart from ignoring them, I'm not sure what to suggest other than say as little as possible whenever you're around them.

In which case I hope the feelings you express in your post are temporary.

Please elaborate on this. What stereotypes do they use?

But you have been born, you can't unbirth yourself I'm afraid. The world is not perfect and never will be. There are many people less deserving of living than you are.

That something is probably yourself. I held myself back and made myself feel a great deal of negative things and hopeless for quite a while. It is hard to break out of, but I did it, and am still doing it.

Even if I didn't help you here one bit, I certainly care about your fate and wouldn't want you to consider suicide or anything like that, even if you are a stranger. Hope things improve for you soon.

OK... :'(

Yes. School is very hard for me: The boys keep saying things to me like "im sorry" and "im trying" because I said those things in the first place... The girls keep telling me to do my work, like "WERK!! !! WERK!! !! !! WERK!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !" I simply cannot get them to stop. At all. I want to move to this special needs school in Holnley where I believe life will be better for me there, rather than this hellhole I'm stuck in for all eternity... :'(

They keep making fun of my head-banging problem, and I once said to them that "at my old school (high school) they treated me like an ANIMAL." They, being idiots like they always are, mistook it for "owl" and since then they've been calling me 'owl boy' and search for it on Google, and it makes me want to die even more.

Too bad... too bad... :'(


I don't really think it did help me at all. While writing this post my dad talked to me about (I can't remember much) that I've just got to ignore it all. I think I should take some form of anti-depressant drug, but I'm on Risperidone tablets. Will this affect my current perscription?

Thanks a bit...