My fate is to kill myself

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If you have read past posts of mine, and know enough about me to have something to say that goes against that thought, then tell me... tell me why it's not.

Fate does not exist, imo.

Fate is what you make out of your life..

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n0CoQdSF958&feature=related[/youtube]

Well I believe in it, and I believe it's highly likely that this current life I have is some sort of learning period, for my soul... that my happy life where I finally find my true love is some other time, instead... some other life... the finalizing part of my fate.

When you think about it, I haven't even had it so bad in my life. Yes, I was bullied in school, but it mostly was that most didn't want to do with me. Others have had it worse. And I have never been sexually abused... others haven't been as lucky. Yes, I have had two exes that were unfaithful to me, but at least I never even met them, so I can die a virgin, at least, than having lost it to either of them. That is positive. I also am far from ugly but I suppose that hasn't really helped me, so far... but it's still being lucky, regardless. It just doesn't seem as if I am supposed to be happy.

Before, I started a profile in a dating service that would've been an exceptionally good chance for me to find the right girl... I was nowhere near as graphic with what I'm seeking as I have been elsewhere. But I guess they didn't appreciate the part where I mentioned that I want to join in a romantic suicide pact with my love, so they rejected it. I know that fitting in is nothing to particularly desire for, and I never would desire such a thing, myself, but if I can't say one of the very most important aspects of the relationship I desire, then how am I supposed to find the one for me? It just seems that maybe it's time that I get the message? Maybe the message is that I should give up? Because I have been trying so much and nothing seems to be changing. And if nothing changes then I can't deal with it for much longer.


EDIT: Goddamned bugs! What's wrong with the posting on this forum? It keeps duplicating parts of the post, at times, at the end of the post.

EDIT 2: Dit it go away, now? Jesus how fùcking annoying.

EDIT 3: No, it did not. Now, then?

EDIT 4 and 5: It's the buggy Opera Mini app on my mobile that does it. There, fixed. Yay. =_=

EDIT 6: Almost! I think it should be good, now... I think I figured out how the bugs work in the less buggy Opera Mobile.

Last edited by Beauty_pact on 02 Jul 2011, 1:35 pm, edited 6 times in total.

I think they found it too harsh to be told that you want them to enter a suicide pact [ although I don't understand why you'd want to do such a thing?. I mean that kind of thinking is a lil too dramatic don't you think so? It looks like you've centered your life on wanting find the one for you. Why don't you concentrate on something else that could be productive instead... that'll give a new meaning to your life...

Do you have a psychotherapist? I think you should visit one as soon as possible to sort yourself out.

I've tried to focus on other things. So far it isn't working. I'm already thirty... how much more time do I have to waste of my to-be brief life?

I have nothing to sort out. Maybe my OCD, such as my hand washing issues, but other than that, it's just my depression, that can't be sorted out with their useless chit-chats (where I can't open up, anyway), and the following anxiety I get from that depression.

I know how dark my mindset must seem, but I know that if I had my true love, I would be happy. The suicide pact has to do with romance... odd how almost no one gets it. I was happy when I was thinking it was going to work, with one of my exes... one day, especially, anyway. That day, I woke up with the sun in my eyes, and instead of being frustrated by it, wanting to cover my eyes or wish for the dark winter months, it made me feel happy. So apparently I can be happy. I only felt that at that one time, though... a complicated relationship that was doomed to failure.

Otherwise, though, my therapist is on vacation. Thank god for that - I have nothing to say to her.

You seem to be very focused on finding your one true love and suicide.
Just a thought to consider: maybe your focus prevents you from getting other messages and finding other things that could make you happy. You can never know what your true fate is unless you live to see it and you can never know what could make you happy if you're not open to new thoughts, ideas and experiences.
I hope you stay around to find it all.

idk if my fate is to kill myself, but by doing that i can avoid my fate of a sh***y life

Your only fate is to die eventually, anyway.

You don't need to speed up what nature's already doing to you.

Mental pain is horrible and it can make you wish you were dead, but it passes. I suggest hang in there. You don't need a reason to live because your life doesn't need to be justified. Life is okay without pain. Life is worth the pain that goes with it, too. Life can be very good, don't waste it.

A person makes his or her own fate; there is no ad hoc committee of supernatural beings determining who has what future and how they shall live or die.

Please seek professional counseling - no excuses.

Actually, my own soul, as well as the soul of my true love, have put the path of my fate ahead of me (and vice versa), in a "distant" past for our unification. The question is only if that end goal of our fates will be reached in this life, or in another.

I say "distant" past, in citations, as I don't even believe in the existence of time. Everything that ever "has" happened, and "will", happens at the same time. Any other assumption goes against all logic.

And yes, I have "made up" all these beliefs, all by myself... a sign of living in a fantasy world, according to many, I bet. While that is not the reason to it, I suppose that is why I love anime so much - since it's drawn, it allows you to fill in the blanks, by yourself, with your own imagination, instead of having everything readily spelled out for you.

I suppose I'm maybe doing better, now, by the way. I don't know. I'm in a rather unusual, conflicting mood... but *feeling* better, now, at least... although feelings can be quite deceptive, at times.

...I'm going to make a cup of tea, now... =_=

Excellent idea. Glad you're maybe feeling a bit better.

Were this not "The Haven", your beliefs would be challenged.

Excellent idea. Glad you're maybe feeling a bit better.

fate is what you make of it. it is in no ones hands except yours . You choose and make your own fate.

I remember one time (it was really freaky), I was in bed and was just thinking about death and it was late at night...I got this imminent feeling of doom, as if I WAS GOING TO DIE RIGHT THEN. It was the scariest thing of my life! Then I got calmed down (with the assistance of my family) and thought about all time times I have almost died (almost run over by a speeding car, fallen off a 20 foot cliff, almost fell off a 100 foot cliff, riptide, and almost drowned). I realized that if I was supposed to be dead, there were many opportunities for that to happen. Also, (and this is really scary, and it admits having no control...where suicide is trying to control it, but you could die at any moment, it is so scary to think about...) That is why I try to live a life full of purpose so that I won't regret anything. Finally, sorry if this was to much about me, but my point is that life happens and life ends but if you know that and recognize it...you can try to make your time more worthwhile instead of feeling sad about life until it ends or ending it yourself. Sorry fi this was rambly.

its hard to "make the best of your time" when nothing good ever happens to you