OCD and Porn

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I have really bad OCD it all started last August. wanted to stop masturbating (M) to porn (P), and for good. I have my biblical beliefs that it's wrong and I don't really like doing it. so I made myself go back and M to the things that I first saw when I first began looking at P years ago. I am 19. It turned into rituals, where I have to see a picture of a girl last instead of a guy. In P there are men and women everywhere. anyways I would M to videos of women and it would have pics of guys on ads on the side of the video saying "grow your "stuff" 10 inches longer" and junk. I didn't know how to remove ads back then so I let the ad stay. now it bothers me, I remember seeing pictures of guys' buttocks and "stuff" and now I feel like I've M to those pictures. So I am finding pictures of women in those same positions and M to them. the only problem is that sperm has to reproduce itself and I can't do it so much or else my sperm will go away and I have to wait a few days. I am starting to get almost anxiety attacks from thinking about my situation. It makes me feel nauseous, shaky, heart race, light headed, and short of breath. I have just started feeling this way days ago. I am so scared. but my sperm cannot reproduce that fast because I am doing it to like 10 pictures a day trying to erase the guy pictures from my memory, or else I feel gay. Now I am going on a trip to San Francisco in 6 hours and I wanted to get my last 3 pictures and 1 video done but I can't and my sperm hasn't reproduced yet. I was thinking to do it when I get back, then I wouldn't enjoy the trip and I'd be thinking about it all day. So I decided to delete the pictures and videos and not do it and I am hoping that my OCD will go away forever if I leave it alone long enough. The anxiety does lessen when I delete the pictures and plan not to M to them. I know I didn't M to these pictures intentionally and I was looking at girls, but it still makes me feel like some kind of bad luck is gonna happen and idk what to do.

Help me, what should I do?

I guess the answer would be to stop masturbating and looking at porn.

please seek professional help. you shouldn't have to suffer like this.

Must be very frustrating. I don't have routined OCD with P but I would say it is a very annoying addiction. Also, those nasty guy adverts at the side, I just make the window smaller so I can only see the video / picture.

I have OCD myself, and had some very severe and crippling periods of time with it, to the point it made me suicidal.
The only way I found was to reach such a crisis point that I thought to myself, why the hell am I making my life so utterly miserable over this?? Why am I letting thoughts control me to such a degree? You have to realise for yourself, that doing this repetitive action, is serving no real purpose, and only causes you distress. You have to literally force yourself to stop one day, or to limit what you do, realise that nothing bad will happen if you do stop, and break the pattern. Short of medication, that is the only solution I came up with for myself, and mine was severe enough it was taking up up to 3 hours an evening of my time.

It seems like you just need to find porn without provocative guys making you feel weird and guilty or 'gay' afterward.

It's to bad this is tormenting you so much. Masturbating should be a pleasure not a guilt trip.

As for me I've gotten to the point where I like really crazy fetishist porn. Sometimes I think I must be crazy but I don't torment myself over it. I guess I've just accepted I have weird tastes and it's what really turns me on. I love it and collect it.

I'm not sure if this will help with your situation OP but I've had some extremely bad OCD issues with porn myself. I've spent 5 years on psych meds for different things including OCD but the meds & psychs never helped with my OCD however they had side-effects of reducing my drive & the way my OCD works is that I cant stop 1ce I start giving in to it. Without the strong sexual urges to masturbate & look at porn; I can better resit the OCD urge to look. I started a med a couple months ago to reduce my drive because I've been off psych meds for about 3 & half years & I got very tired of wasting hours a day feeling like I had to look at porn & masturbate. Taking a med specifically to reduce my drive seemed like a safer option than taking psych meds because I've had horrible side-effects on em. It's helping me because I can resist the OCD urge to look & masturbate without the sexual urge but the OCD will take over if I decide to start so I use my willpower to rest the OCD