Heard any good jokes lately? Anyone? Please?

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lol, thanks, guys

You are the physical proof that blue roses can naturally exist.

Ok, that was a lame flirt, not a joke. But just couldn't help it

my daughter told me this one:


a rubber band pistol was confiscated in algebra class the other day.

it was a weapon of... math disruption!

What's the difference between snow men and snow women?

Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.

(snow balls)

Two bacteria walk into a bar.
The bartender says "we dont serve bacteria in this bar"
The bacteria say "but we work here, We're staph"

Just want to thank everyone for their continued awesomeness. I've gone through several other mini-dramas since starting it a while ago and have been able to check in periodically and get pick-me-ups, so it's been like the gift that just keeps giving. Really hope it's given some other people a laugh when they've needed one, too!

This has long been my favorite joke of all time. Well before I had ever heard of AS.

The wise old Indian Chief was sitting in his tee-pee one day, when his youngest son entered, looking troubled.

"Good morning my son. You seem disturbed." he said. The son replied: "Tell me, father, how did I get my name?"

"Ah. Yes." The Chief replied. "You see, on the morning of your eldest brother's birth, when I stepped out of the tent, the first thing I saw was the mighty grizzly, off in the forrest. Today, your brother, Running Bear, is the bravest warrier in all the tribe."

"On the day of my middle son's birth, when I came out of the tent, there in the sky, was the king of all birds, the bald eagle. Today, your brother, Soaring Eagle, is the finest hunter in all the tribe."

The Cheif lit his pipe and puffed for a bit. "But tell me, Two Dogs Fornicating, why do you ask?"

Cleaned up a bit, but use your imagination.

There's a good joke told by Brian Glover's character in "An American Werewolf in London", remember the Alamo!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07FdVcspOfQ[/youtube]

These aren't jokes, exactly, but they are pretty funny.

The cookie monster heavy metal song:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWac5UT80no&feature=related[/youtube]

Misheard lyrics: "The pharoah sails to your iron"
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60y38mUEb2A&feature=grec&playnext_from=TL&videos=jmEj0HNcfP0&playnext=1[/youtube]

The World of World of Warcraft:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rw8gE3lnpLQ&feature=grec[/youtube]

Rammstein VS Cookie Monster:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZeciX-3wfs&feature=related[/youtube]

Wife: "There's a man at the front door with an ugly face."

Husband: "Tell him you've already got one."

and another

Comedian 1: "You know You're flies are undone and your **** is hanging out?"

Comedian 2: "Know it? I ******* wrote it, mate."

and another

Did you hear about the Dyslexic pimp?

He opened a warehouse.

and another

Sorry, Can't tell 'Engishman in a Paris Restaurant' joke.

Here's one from renowned northern stand-up comedian Sir Winston Churchill:

Lady: "You are drunk, Sir Winston, Disgustingly drunk!"

Winston: "Yes I am... and you madam are ugly and disgustingly fat... but in the morning I'll be sober!"


and here's one from former British Prime Minister Bernard Manning:

Bernard: "Pack your bags Love. I've won the National Lottery!"

Wife: "Wow! Where are we going? on Holiday!"

Bernard: "No, just pack your bags, and **** off!"

Englishman in a Paris restaurant

Drum roll please!

English: "Do you have Frog's Legs?"
Waiter: "Oui Monsieur."
English: "Well hop in the kitchen and get me a ******* ham sandwich."

It wasn't worth it?