become a sad gay

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hello
I am french and I have something since childhood, I m not violent just strange since chilhood, over here they call it chilhood psychosis even if I read on the internet it was a french equivalent of asperger syndrom ( I have had it since I was a child) .
I had a psychotic episode two years ago afer abuse from my boyfriend but thanks to the medsI ve been taking for two years I have no more psychotic symptoms I was bisexual but I think I am more gay .
Bu i fell really sad because I realise Gay people hate people like me, I was put out of two gay associations because I was strange ( even if I had no more psychotic symptoms but I still had the side effects of my medecine )
I feel suicidal in my small town there is only these gay places to go , I m changing city for my studies next year , I just feel sad each time I go to a gay place, I cried during the last two gay prides of my city , I even cry when I see a gay couple in the street I feel jealous,
when do they have the rigth to be gay and not me. I m becoming homophobic, I never was violent how come I am denied the rigth juts to be gay. It is just like most of the gay people hate people lime freaks.
I feel traumatised . I see a psychiatrist and a psychologist but they don't seem to understand.

THe more times passes the more angry , frustrated and almost homophobic I become.

What should I do ?

You're probably coming into contact with bad examples of homosexuals. Since a lot of people seem to be judgmental I'd try meeting people in different places (whether that be restaurants, gay bars, etc. it doesn't matter). Try to connect with people and once you have a relationship with them that seems positive, disclose your issues than. This will allow you to get to know people and than you will find out their true colors (their true views/personality, etc.) once you disclose.