Stress/fatigue/meltdowns

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Hi,

(please forgive me any typos etc.. English is not my native language)

I do not know where to go with all my troubles, my mind is so stressed.. So I decided to share my thoughts here..

I think I have asperger's syndrome. When I was a kid some tests were done, by a psychiatrist (my mom, my teacher & my school nurse thought there was something wrong with me, I seemed depressed to them). I had only one friend and other kids called me a lame freak.. I guess my neutral face isn't exactly smiley, it still is not. Doctors tested my iq, which was a little above normal, abot 130. I did not seem to have any psychiatric illness either. They thought I had different (out of the norm) ways, to cope in life..But they never actually tested me for asperger's.. I was very deppressed then, I talked to myself a lot (I still do) and I had my obsessions, like astronomy, physics.

Then I grew up, I'm, now 32 yrs old.. My problems are now bigger than ever.. I have a job, then I'm a mother and a wife..

I go to work in the morning, then I come home. It takes me several hours to be able to function after work, that's how tired I am, after a normal working day. I just come home, sit by the computer and that is how I recharge my batteries.. I do not even have energy to take care of my 2 kids.. So my husband does a lot at home.

I cannot handle my husbands emotions. Last saturday he started telling me how he was feeling sad, lonely etc... And I had a panic attack.. I screamed, I could not breath, He's feelings were too much, I blamed my self, for his bad feelings. He says, he knows what kind of person I am, he says, I hardly ever listen to him, I seem distant and he tries to give me the space I need, but that it is hard for him... I do not know what to do!
I sleep in an other room, not with my husband, coz I feel I need space. Also, I don't let him touch me that much, I have very sensitive skin. Intimacy is nice, I like it, but not in the same way he does..

Social situations are really hard for me. Last week 2 new guys game to work for me at work -- I could not remember their names, even though they look different.. It is as if I was totally faceblind..
I also have trouble with social interaction.. I know I never really listen to anyone, people are always asking me "who are you talking to, what are you saying? And people also tell me: "You're not looking at anyone when you talk".. Sure I make eye contact, but it is as if I have to struggle with things that are normal and natural to most people.

I suffer OH so much, because I feel so strange...
Should I seek psychiatric/medical advice and a diagnosis? I think so myself.. I feel I need help, and my husband cannot give me the help and support I need, because he does not understand how I feel.. When I was a housewife things were alot better.. Now I have a job, and have all this responsibility at work -- stress is just building up..

I score 41 in the AQ test. I guess it speaks for it self.

Hi susieM, welcome to WrongPlanet.

You could possibly obtain a diagnosis of Asperger's, which might help, but that could be a long process. In the short term I would recommend trying to get help from a therapist for your issues. Your life reads as currently being very stressful, and a good therapist could talk about ways to help you deal with what you are going through, especially as you feel you are unable to go to your partner for support. Acknowledging that you are having difficulty means that you have already begun to overcome your problems, so well done to you. I hope things improve for you very soon.

Thanks for your input

Yes I'm now going to see a good therapist, I know I need to.

It's funny, when I was a kid, the doctors mentioned asperger's as a possibility, however it was never really diagnosed, as they never tested me for it. And now I think most my problems have something to do with my undiagnosed "syndome", whatever it is.. I can talk to my brother about it.. He is a little like me, and understands. My oldest daughter is also like me. She is in a special school, for kids with learning problems. Her psychologist said she could have AS.. But she has never been diagnosed either.. I wonder how many possible (and undiagnosed) AS people there are in my family, could be many! Even my dad has many traits of AS..

I have a possibility to get diagnosed in a very special asperger center, and I m now gathering info, about my childhood. My brother is willing to help me and my husband can write a statement.. And then they will test me and I'll see what happens..

-SusieM

Hi SusieM, welcome to Wrong Planet!

It sounds to me like going for a professional test would answer some questions for you. So I would say yes do it. I would love to do that myself but I'm afraid of getting my parents involved. They would be very upset. I believe my mother has Aspergers - she has never known how to socialise, and in later life she has found happiness by converting to Orthodox Judaism - the most comprehensive set of rules and routines she could find! But I don't want to say this to her because she will get upset and say I am belittling her religion and also she thinks she is good at socialising! As for my dad, he would get angry and say there is nothing wrong with me and that I'm being silly and attention-seeking. I don't want to deal with all that so I'm avoiding getting diagnosed.

I also want to make a suggestion about intimacy and touching. It's something I leant very recently and it has helped me a lot so maybe it will help you too. Until recently I found sex extremely difficult and terrifying and found lots of the physical sensations extremely unpleasant. I always assumed that sex simply was difficult for me and I could not imagine ever overcoming that.

But then recently I read that people with aspergers often dislike light touching but are OK with firm pressure. So I tried it out and it works! If my boyfriend holds me very firmly and presses against my skin I can really enjoy that and get turned on and have sex without all the anxiety and unpleasantness. It's amazing that I got to 33 years old without finding out that there is a form of touching that suits me. Knowing that I can have sex without any light touching has made my life suddenly loads better!