I am a terrible person

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I really am. I learned about intercourse at the age of 5 through a male friend and that ruined my future. My entire childhood was about intercourse, i used to do it alot with other children at that age, about 3 every week. I remember even this 4 year old wanting to be with me. When I turned 12, that's when it really starts to get messed up. My male cousin who was the same age as me came to live with my family. We started to experiment on each other. At first it was an experiment, than it became a daily routine for us. Although it wasn't normal because we never got along, we shared nothing outside of intercourse. I was actually really abusive towards him, both physically and verbally. I was awful to him but we still did it. But he was pretty messed up too. We talked about killing people, like our parents, friends and even each other. It wasn't till i was 16 and started smoking weed that I realized that I am a terrible person. I am messed up beyond belief. I am 18 and am contemplating suicide.

Do not kill yourself! it is forgivable. You are not a bad person if you realise that you have been abusive towards other and decide to be different and a better person!

I think a better way to say this is that you HAVE been a terrible person. What you do now is up to you.

you were a child and not fully aware of your actions/their consequences. now you are becoming an adult and feeling guilt and remorse- i think that's a good sign and shows you're not a lost cause

Can you see a therapist about this? You can't let this ruin you. You can't be suicidal, you need to be happy and healthy.

I agree that you are not a terrible person. You are a good person.

You need to talk to a psychiatric professional about this. You can move on from this, but it will need a lot of help and healing. Take care.

You are not a horrible person. What you have done in the past can be forgiven, and you can be a different person starting now.
Besides, you were a child. I have done some terrible things as a child. I still feel awful and dirty for it, but you have to remember as a child you weren't fully aware, as other posters have said.

Wow. The intercourse stuff is awesome. I'd say you're lucky to have done that. I wish I had an interesting childhood like that...

The abuse and the talk of killing, not so much. But you don't have to be that way anymore, and you certainly shouldn't kill yourself.

No, that is not good for a child.

However, you realize that it was a bad decision, therefore you can't be bad. I agree with everyone on this thread, go see a professional.

The past is done, so no use in fretting over it. Just focus on the future and becoming who you want to be now. You are not a terrible person, everyone does thing they regret, especially when they are children and do not know any better.