Warning: Adults only. Heavy subject matter.

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Ok, so while I start this, let me say it may trigger emotions in anyone who has grieved or is grieving the loss of a child.

The little three month old girl I babysit on monday afternoons (and other various days) passed away on wednesday night in her crib. I'm shattered. Of course with my (suspected) AS, that means outwardly I just seem numb most of the time. But none of this is really what I even hate so much as knowing in my heart that my good friends (mom and dad) and their other child (whom I also babysit) need me, but not knowing if I'm missing any social cues. Like the viewing tomorrow is family only. Before I found that out, I offered to be there for support and to say my goodbyes as well, and they seemed receptive to the idea, but stated since the funeral home was working with them on costs, they were given a short viewing with family only. So we decided I am "sister" of the mother... then I started feeling like maybe I shouldn't go. Then before I left the house I asked if I should meet them there or follow from the home. She said to come to the home. In fact stated to come around noon (the viewing is at two) So here's my thing, and I feel like I should know (though I doubt even NT's know what to do in this situation) Should I believe they really want me there? Or are they just trying to placate me because I was a large part of the caretaking of the baby? I'd rather miss my chance to say goodbye to this little angel than make anyone uncomfortable with my presence. Ugh, I am so lost, and I do know from prior experiences with friends that the best thing I can do is just be there, but I don't want to be smothering in the process. (I think I'm feeling this way because I spent about 6 hrs over there today and came home and my NT boyfriend asked why I was there so long and tried to make sure I didn't push my presence on the parents.)

Now, after all that.... if you don't have any advice, but have a prayer to offer, it's greatly appreciated.

I think I would just go to the viewing. If they didn't want you there they likely wouldn't have bothered to tell the funeral home you were family.

I'm very sorry for your loss, by the way.

Thank you.

They want you there or they would not have given you the time for the family viewing, they would have said they'd let you know or something. They will need the support of people who knew their child, you should go.

Some time that you see them after today, please pass this link on to them for The Compassionate Friends which is an organization for parents who have lost a child. http://www.compassionatefriends.org/home.aspx

Here are some tips for you from that org on how to help http://www.compassionatefriends.org/Bro ... _help.aspx

Prayers are sent.

I agree that they gave you the family viewing time because they want you there. They wouldn't even be able to make any gesture that gave them any stress at a time like this; your presence must be wanted by them.

I am so sorry of course.

I think the family must know you by now and understands that your outward manner does not in any way mean you don't feel and care deeply. (After one time of babysitting a boy recently the mom had already picked up on the fact that I was very shy and reserved; when I said this in chatty explanation of something else she said sarcastically (not meanly) "No. Not YOU!" and laughed, which surprised me a bit since I hadn't realized I came off as quite so reserved.) Point being I think the family knows you well, loves you, and wants you there.

Again I'm very sorry to hear about this.

Shadowchyld, I personally believe that you should go to the viewing tomorrow. To me, it seems that they considered you family. This is a very vulnerable time for them, as they have lost a child...and for them to open their hearts to you in this way is a sign that they considered you a part of the family and would want you there...AND, they have chosen for you to be there.

I am very sorry for your loss as well. As it was mentioned a little earlier, prayers will be sent your way.

Blessed be.

I'm very sorry about that. I also think that you should go for the viewing.

I agree with everyone else here that you should go to the viewing. The parents wouldn't have bothered to tell them you were the mom's sister if they didn't want you there.

I am truly sorry for your loss.

~Kate

I went, and have been with the family a lot this week, and it's been stated many times that I am family now. Thank you all for all your kind words and advice. I had already linked them to compassionatefriends through another friend of mine that went through this about a year and a half ago, but thank you for that as well.