Forced to be alone

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As long as I can remember it seems as though people just want me to go away. It always feels as if people wait for me to go inside to come out or to leave a room before having a good time. Even in my family I always felt as if they do not want me around.
As I got older my room got farther and farther from everyone else while my sisters room got closer to my parent's room. This continued until I lived on the bottom floor and they were on the top. I could hear them together laughing and having fun, but when I would go up there it would end. Once I would return to my room I could hear them again.
I brought this up with my family they said it was not true but nothing ever changed. No attempts were made to include me and when I was there nothing but tension. A lot of resentment built up between us. I thought it would all get better once I moved out. The relationship between me and my family slowly got better till I could stand to be with them for small periods of time.
My friends how ever would always seem to not notice me. They would make plans in front of me but not include me. Even now in my apartment complex the people I would like to consider friends do it. I can't help but feel like I am back living with my family. If I hear them outside talking and try to join in they quickly end there conversation and go inside. If I go outside for a bit it almost never fails that once I have gone in I hear them outside talking and having fun. The most I get from people on a regular bases is some rhetorical question like "How are you doing?" or sometimes just a passing "Hey".
All I want is to feel like I'm apart of something. Even at work its the same story. I try so hard to make friends and get along with people yet it seems like I can hardly hold on to one at a time. I just don't know what to do. I know some of it is in my head but some is not. I'm just having such a hard with it today and want it to change. I want to have fun with others and feel like they want me there not just accepting that I'm around. Does anyone else have they issues?

_________________
I reject your reality and substitute it for my own.

~ Adam Savage
*MythBusters*

a lot of that applies in my situation as well. no judgments being made specifically about you here, but for some reason i can't help picturing that as being karmic in nature. i am reminded of a real-life situation with the cowsill family [real bona-fide musically talented family dramatized in the sitcom "the partridge family"], who had one member who was musically talented but was systematically shunned from participating in the family enterprise and was denied his share of fame as a result. i have a palpable feeling [from a series of unusually vivid dreams] that in my own life, my lack of social success as well as my lack of personal efficacy has its roots in a long-past lifetime where i was a violent thug, and a lifetime before that where i was a playboy neer-do-well who used one too many people before being jilted myself and rashly committing suicide.

Try asking if you can join them, or ask them if they'd be interested doing something of your choosing.

If they say no at least you know where you stand.

Usually when I've done this it's worked out in my favor. Just have a think about something you'd all enjoy and have a go.


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@auntblabby: "a lifetime before that where i was a playboy neer-do-well who used one too many people before being jilted myself and rashly committing suicide."

That's very specific...

What, you don't understand what I said?

I just thought your little example was a bit specific for what amounts to a general feeling that your karmic predecessors were up to no good.

I have also had experiences like that through my life-people show up after I leave and I am not included in things and its like I am stored away in a box until needed then taken out and used then put back in the box and ignored until the next time they need me-it hurts no less to be ignored and excluded no matter how many times it happens.

It's not a bad thing.

yup. I felt ignored and not wanted a lot. The solution=I stoped trying to have a social life and put all that effort and focus to something more productive. i wanted to feel like i was a part of something too...are you in college? have you tried anything in the arts like drawing, music, literature, humanities, theatre, etc. I know the arts is not for everyone some are concerned they'll never make a living out of it, etc, etc, just thought I'd share what worked for me.