Should I be worried about this?

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I recently stayed with someone in Canberra and the vast majority of time we got along really well. However there was one incident that upset me Tim (the guy) had put his cup of coffee on top of his car and I got out and slammed the door without seeing that he had put the coffee on top of the car and it went all on the side of the car and some of it onto him. He got really upset swearing I asked what happened and he told me and was clearly angry. I said I was sorry he steamed for a while and went to clean things up and fairly shortly after that he calmed down and said it was ok he might have done the same thing. I told him that he seemed to be very upset and I didn't like it he says it was his "right" to be upset. Whilst I don't agree with that I think he had a right to be shocked and a bit annoyed but not react so strongly. However I am wondering if I should let it go or perhaps write him an email and tell him how his reaction upset and shocked me.

It was clearly an accident. He doesn't have the right to take it out on you. It could have happened to anyone. He has the right to be a bit upset over any damage but if he upset you he should have apologised.

What was the damage like anyway? I can't imagine there was any permanent damage so he was probably just being an a***hole in my opinion.

Long story short, he has the right to be upset but he shouldn't take it out on anyone else. Especially since it was an accident.


I would also like to add that depsite all that, this seems pretty normal to me. Most people in my life tend to freak out this way when something gets damaged or disrupted in some way. Personally I would just let it go, not that it makes me feel any better.

If he thinks he's in the right I don't see what difference an email is going to make. You've already told him he made you feel quite uncomfortable. He obviously didn't care about that.

I think he should have apologised too we all make mistakes i guess im not sure if I should tell him that or not. The "damage" wasn't that big a deal really it was only on the outside of the car and yes on his clothes but it was all fixable. Like I said he calmed down fairly quickly but it did upset me at the time and has kinda played on my mind a little.

i was thinking of saying something like this.

I just wanted to tell you how I felt about something that has been playing on my mind and upset me a lot. When I slammed the door to the car without seeing the coffee on top of it and it went on you and the car you reacted very strongly and were very angry it was a genuine accident. Also perhaps you could have warned me it was there. Later when I tried to tell you how your reaction (especially given my background) shocked, hurt and upset me you said it was your "right" to get angry. I think you did have a right to be shocked and a bit annoyed but not react so strongly with swearing and yelling given there was fault on both sides that caused it to happen. If a similar thing happened again (I hope it doesn't) I hope you are able to handle it a little different as things happen in life and we all make mistakes.

Well it was an accident it's not as though you did it on purpose. I think it was unreasonable of him to react like that.

Perhaps writing an email would only open yourself to more unpleasantness from him. If it was me I would leave it now.

How long have you known this guy.. are you still learning things about him?

I'd tell him and what i'm thinking is at best you may get an apology from him but he already admitted it was an honest mistake. It was his right to be upset. (Although also your right not to deal with it if you deem it inappropriate)

He probably shouldn't have reacted so strongly but this is temperament and chances are--you're not going to change it overnight. I agree thats its a good idea make your feelings known and if he apologizes.. still be prepared for the reality that you may be dealing with something similar to that again in the future.

Just try to put yourself in his shoes for a moment. What would be your reaction if that happened to you? And be honest. I know what my reaction would be. If it was me, I would be angry too. It is very hard not to get upset with hot coffee on you, and your coffee (some people you cannot live without coffee) gone. My Aspie husband and kid would have reacted the same way. My husband even get mad at "things" that "hurt" him. Like if he hurts himself with the bed (the bed has been in the same spot for about 10 years), he will kick the bed for hurting him. So imagine... I agree with him. He has the right to be angry. He was the one who suffered the consequences. And you say he calmed down shortly and said something nice. He agreed it was an accident. So why adding more fuel to this incident? I think you should let it go.

I might get hated on for this, but...was he yelling at you? Or was he just yelling and swearing in general? People do have the right to feel however they feel, and sometimes cannot change that. If he wasn't directing it at you, and was instead just pissed off because it happened, you might think about when you have those days. When every tiny thing adds up until you want to smash something. I agree that if he directed it at you, you deserve an apology.
But from my own experience, I've had things like that happen and for a person who has a hard time directing anger and frustration properly, he might just have to yell at the world for a minute. He might be thinking, "of course this happens to me TODAY" or many variations of that. You might just have been a bystander when the universe threw yet another monkey wrench in his day, and he might feel like you're trying to control his emotions and reactions to his own life (I don't advise this, ever), rather than trying to control how he treats you (which is something you should have input on).
And I'm not advocating this method of dealing, nor otherwise. I'm just saying that there are some things that aren't anyone's business to try and change about another person. If that's how he is, and you don't like it, you may well be better off distancing yourself.

Well no he didn't directly call me names or swear "At" me it was more like s**t f**k but no not right at me. Im also going to add at the end Although I realise your anger and frustration wasn't aimed directly at me that you had other things on your mind.

I think he did have other things on his mind and so its fair for me to acknowledge that as well.