Uninterested parents

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My parents have been very uninterested in me for about my entire life. This is also the reason I never really asked them for help when I needed it; I knew I probably wouldn't get any.

It seemed to change about two years ago when I got my diagnosis (Asperger's). All of us together (my parents, the diagnosis person, and I) had a big conversation about how I should ask help. My parents said something in the lines of "Of course we want to help! Of course we care!" and so ever since I've been sharing my worries and problems with them once again, after not having done so for the previous ten years.

But nothing has come of it.

I don't consider myself to be complaining much. Generally, I solve my own "problems". Generally, the things I share with them are either neutral or positive things. But they also seem uninterested in those.

It's just that, whenever I try to talk to them, they seem to 'zone out' and just nod and say "Oh" every now and then. And before I know it, they start their own story. They don't have any follow-up questions. Heck, most often they don't even hear me out. They just interrupt with their own stories whilst I was still telling mine. I have told them several times when they have done this, but they basically shrug it off by saying something lame like "Well I want to share my story as well." ... I don't even consider myself a big talker.

It hurts me to know my parents aren't and never will be interested in my life. My psychologist has told me I should probably try not to expect much from them in terms of emotional support or warmth since I've already tried discussing this with my parents numerous times. She basically says that, if I don't expect it, I won't be disappointed all the time. But it's difficult for me to not crave their interest.

How do people go about these things? Is there anyone here who experiences the same?

I really hear what you are saying. I had pretty much the same deal with my mum. For the whole of my teens she really didn't seem to care as she had her own things to be getting on with and I was now starting to become an adult, like my brother before me had.
I didn't get my diagnosis until I was 29 and I do harbor a lot of animosity toward her for not seeing that I did have a problem and assuming I was just lazy and just making excuses. The way I saw it, as a parent, she had a responsibility to care, which she didn't or couldn't. This made me feel as if I lost 10 years of my life in one big confusing mess with zero understanding from anywhere.

I came to think after my diagnosis, that it may be hard to contemplate but my AS came from somewhere. My dad manages to work and function at an average level however, my mum does not. She has her routines and she has her ways and if she cannot do certain thing she just gets angry or goes off and cries.

I could have just be micking her actions as a way of coping, as she unintentionally showed me what to do from a young age or she too could have AS.

When I got the diagnosis my mum's words were "Oh, that explains it!" "we" (meaning me and her) "always knew there was something, didn't we?" thing was, she never had this belief and after the diagnosis little changed. Only now, two years later she has started to come round the the whole idea. That is maybe due to me changing my approach toward things and her speaking to her friends and they speak of their knowledge and experiences and it slowly sinks in: The problems I have.

She will never see the problems I HAD though. I know that.

Sometimes it is that parents cannot give as much as we need. We really do have to try and build a life toward independance, though. It may seem hard or impossible but a life of self reliance should be the main aim or focus. I myself am now only taking the steps toward this. I have wanted it all my life I just didn't know how to get into the situation where I could work toward it.

I don't feel like sharing certain unpleasant memories here, but yeah, NTs tend to treat Aspies as invisible. These NTs then wonder aloud why Aspies have been withdrawing from them.

Yeah, my parents were distant while I was growing up. My father died a while back and that made me want to improve my relationship with my mother, but it takes two parties to improve a relationship.

One positive thing I can say is that not having a warm relationship with my parents has made me value support from friends and other relatives when I get it and I don't take those other relationships in my life for granted.

I had to sever my relationship with my (adoptive) parents 20+ years ago.

You can survive without them - apart from occasional awkward questions it's certainly not the end of the world.

Hopefully it won't get to that point, but you'll be OK even if it does - you've done OK so far, right?

Good luck

were your parents wealthy, or simply overly self-involved?