We're screwed either way

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Even if you have a partner and friends, like me, you're screwed anyway, trust me.

The only reason you crave these things is because everyone speaks of how *amazing* it is, or fun, or whatever.

But you seem to forget they only find these things amazing and fun because these are NT-ers speaking. NT-ers with social skills. NT-ers who don't get exhausted from social activities, but instead draw energy from them.

I have a group of friends, all whom I met and befriended in secondary school. We still see each other on birthdays. Even though they're all very friendly, and often even funny, I cannot express to you enough how intense the 'fallback' is after such a social day. Even during, my mind is constantly racing, scanning whatever it is they say, their body language, facial expressions, intonation. Then racing to find a socially acceptable reply. It's hard work during, and AFTERWARDS all you get is this enormous drop in a dark valley because again, you feel like you've failed or at least could've done better. You feel like you'll never really fit in. Apart from that, you're also just exhausted from all the hard work your mind has had all day and thus, very emotional. It can take days to recover from such a thing and affect your daily functioning a LOT. Being with NT friends confronts you with your own incapabilities. It sucks.

Then about partners. Sure, they have their pros. They can hug you when you need a hug, talk with you when you're in need of a talk. You can hang out with them and have fun. You can even have sex with them. But of course, there's major drawbacks. Feeling intensely connected to a person will also make you feel responsible. And, when your PARTNER is in need of a talk, you're expected to be there for him/her. You're expected to hug when they need it. And when they're feeling down and dump a load of crap on you, you're expected to make them feel better. Also, because you feel connected to them, when they're going through a hard time, so are you. Example: my boyfriend has lost his dad recently and has been really depressed. His mood affects mine. Now I'm kind of depressed too.

The only reason I 'keep' my friends is because everyone keeps telling me it's healthy or whatever to go out every once in a while. The reason I don't dump my partner is because I love him and it'd cause way too much pain.

But maybe, generally, we're better off not having any 'real' social contacts and bless our so-called internet 'friendships' because communication through the internet isn't all that intense and, you can just turn the communication channel of your choice off when you don't feel like communicating anymore...

Yep

I can't say I totally agree, but I can empathize with you. It sucks feeling mentally exhausted, yes, and it does take energy to keep up a superficial facade, but the psychological benefits of interaction make up for the discomfort of doing so. If these people are nice, and will accept you, it's good to socialize with them sometimes.

I really really hear where you're coming from.

I'm married with three kids. I love them, and it's important for me to connect with them... but I can't keep it up without burning out. They keep doing unexpected things, they keep asking for things (and figuring out whether to say yes or no to their requests is an intensive mental process in itself!)... and then I go to work and have to deal with people there. I want to connect, I crave connection, but when I get it... it taxes my brain. I don't really know what to do.

Well I see what you mean, but I also hate being alone.....so having no social contacts outside the internet is not something I would enjoy at all. Though the internet can be helpful for meeting people, I know that of course can be dangerous but not much more dangerous then deciding to hang out with someone after talking to them once in public for instance.

i totally agree. wish i could make some people understand.

I like socializing when everything clicks and people can understand me - I'll even get a slight high off of the experience sometimes - but the come-down is really brutal. Often-times, I'll come away from a social scenario feeling like a complete fraud, like I've betrayed who I really am underneath the facade I put on daily to fool the world.

I actually get a bit of a high off that. I feel like I conned someone. Here I am this person who probably has aspergers, and I fooled these shallow people into thinking I was just another shallow minded prick. When they act all excited to see me the next time it feels great, especially if it's a girl.

Yup, I have a truly strange side to me.