emotionally empty + S.H. urges

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hi there,
i have felt no emotion lately.I'm ''numb'' inside.I'm emotionally drained.
Im an ''ex self harmer'' I have not self harmed in three years and prob. for the past two months every day I get the urge to self harm...its like Im fighting a drug addiction ...but the drugs are attached to my skin.
I used to self harm to feel something other than ''numbness'' ...even sadness and pain is better than being empty.
I think I am going to end up selfharming again and don't know what to do to prevent it...art is meant to be good for self expression but I just feel emotionally exhausted after my art and design college classes...and many people that used to talk to me frequently have just dissappeared?I'm a emotional mess but nobody,not online or in real life honestly gives a damn...
but I wont hide my feelings i thinks its best to just get it out there.

I've felt numb before too. I advise you to read this brilliant letter by Stephen Fry, who suffers from bipolar disorder: http://www.lettersofnote.com/2009/10/it ... e-day.html

As a practical suggestion, since you say you're too exhausted to do art after doing it all day at college, would another form of self-expression work better? Basically when I feel the urge to cut myself it is almost always the same urge as to create something but I can't create it for whatever reason (same as in your case), but I can usually get around it by doing it in a more easy and accessible form like singing. I don't know if you like music but since art is your area of expertise you might feel less pressure to do another form "well" and you could just put whatever energy you have into the musical activity and still come up with something satisfying. I mean literally you can lie down and sing, you can sing with your eyes closed, you can whisper and still be singing. Would that work for you?

Oh and I give a damn and I really am not happy that you don't have anyone to talk to. Is it possible for you to see a therapist or join some kind of smaller group at your college where you could get to know people better? Possibly a mental health group?

hello,thank you for your kind words.
I think perhaps what I need is a good cry as I have not cried in around a year and a half...maybe I am just overtired ,stressed this week but hopefully I will feel better soon.
thanks again,
bye .

I'm sorry that you're doing so poorly... I'm emotionally dead, right now, as well. -_-

Do you think you could replace your self-harm with something less destructive? I myself ended up replacing something that wasn't self-harm, but very hard to stop doing, with excessive hand washing. Now I'm stuck with the hand washing, though, but at least I managed to stop with that old thing.

I've stopped crying, too. :/ That's probably not a good thing. I'm sure it might help if you do cry.

I used to cut. I haven't done it in 5 years now. I'd like to say it gets easier over time, but there will always be rough times dealing with it. If I could help you solve this in this little text box on my computer I would, but that's not practical. You need a counselor or at least someone to talk to in person that understands.

Sound like depression...