I must leave home...

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Things have deteriorated in my home to the point where I really have no choice but to plan to leave. I have a step-brother with bipolar disorder and anger management issues who last week had a friend over for three or four straight days. He also likes to play music very loud so I am forced to stay in my room much of the time. He is supposed to be on medication but isn't on it.

I have major sensory issues but my father only response is to say I make it impossible for people to do what they want around me. My step-mother thinks I just want to get her son kicked out of the house and want to silence his music. I cannot have a rational conversation with either of them.

I am going to talk to people in my family to help me out. They are mostly very nice. I have some information I was given but my father and step-mother are always busy with other things.

How old are you? I think that independence is a great decision, but it'd be helpful to know your age. (you need to take different paths to independence depending on how old you are).

If its just the music that's the issue, try headphones or ear plugs. Sounds unreasonable, but if it isn't that irritating (the ear plugs or headphones), no big deal. If it is more than that, specifically the step-brother's anger management issues, then yeah, moving out may be a good choice.

It doesn't matter what your specific difficulty with the situation is, be it sensory issues or otherwise. If your father and step-mother don't have an issue with it (it being stuff like the loud music), they won't be able to relate. Is that very fair or considerate? No, but that's how a lot of people are. If it can be solved without much problem or annoyance to you, might as well just do that.

I am 23.

If the bass is that bad, then its perfectly reasonable to ask him to turn it the f down. If your parents can't appreciate that, ask them to get their hearing checked.

No, that probably won't help. Is he incapable of using headphones? It almost sounds like your father and step-mother are playing favorites, which is a separate issue entirely.

If you want to try and prove your point, play music he dislikes (and if possible, that your parents dislike) as loud as you can bear. Yeah, I know that is an issue with the sensory problems, but if you can manage to just prove your point to them, just one time, it could possibly make them see where you are coming from.

On the other hand, they may all turn out to be unreasonable bastards, and act like you're the one being a pain, which would leave you with your initial plan as the only real option.

I'm of the opinion that aspies should do everything in their power to become independent of their parents by the time they've finished school.

I believe that aspies should leave home as soon as possible once they turn 18. Preferably, they should try to live on campus at college.

I say this because I think Aspies deserve to have their own space that noone else can control. Adult Aspies are entitled to live life on their terms, not based on their parents rules and controls.

Trust me, it will feel great to be financially independent. You don't have to report to anyone and you will feel like you are in complete control of your life.

I am 27 and in a similar situation.

Tim

Thank you for the responses.

I'm 27, don't have a job, in school and live with my parents. I don't see a reason for me to leave. My parents let me do as I please and gave me a credit card that they pay. I do as I please.

You're 23! Why haven't you moved out? I'd move right now if I were you!

I am 24. I live by myself, but I am not financially independent. I have tried applying for part time jobs, but have never heard back. I am hoping to get a job when I graduate next year.

Yeah noise can really be hard on my nerves. If sound cancellation
technology worked it would be nice.

Have you been to college? Thats a good way to get semi-independent.

Goodness reminds me of the situations I was in while my family when I was in high school. My brothers would throw parties and they would keep me up because of the noise and they wouldnt quiet down but by the time I was 18 they learned to be quieter so I got better. Didn't didn't give a dam about my sensory issues. Heck I didn't have parties when I was their age and did fine without them, shame they have to have them. They can live without having them just like I did.

Now congradulations, I think it's okay to torture aspies. Just because they have aspergers doesn't mean they have to have special rules so go on and let your NT kids throw a party and have your autistic or aspie child get tortured by all the noise and get overwelmed by all the changes. When they freak out or get anxiety, yell at them and tell them they're an embrassment to the family and send them to their rooms and keep them there and have them continue with the torture.


Who would allow loud music in their home? No one never played loud music in our home when I was growing up. My parents wouldn't allow it. If the TV was too loud or the music, we be told to turn it down. There came times when I would play music really loud but I did that for attention from the neighbors or from my family. I get yelled at of course by my mother. One time I was sent to my room for doing it. I also did it to tease. I was a big teaser then.

What you need to do is have a job, and go find a place to live and move out.

You people frustrate the hell out of me. Is it so hard to understand Jim's situation?

Do you think he'd be living there by choice? You say "get a job, move out, get independent" like it's as easy as turning on the microwave or can be accomplished if he'd only put a little more effort into it.

Did you ever consider that the same sensory issues that make it so difficult for him to live at his father's house might also make it very difficult for him to find and keep a job and do other daily life things that so much of you take for granted?

There are all kinds of sensory issues involved in having and keeping a job, and it's not a matter of gritting your teeth and getting through them - just like a person can't walk with a broken leg, people with this kind of sensory issues can get very overwhelmed and nonfunctional when faced with these things. It doesn't make them bad people. We all have our problems.

Also, Aspies don't tend to make good impressions in interviews even when they have great skills and knowledge. A lot of Aspies don't have their driver's liscences and don't live near public transportation, which is another problem.

To find a place to move out, you need to have money, which means you need to have a job. See above. Even if you do have the money to move out, say its a rather small amount but enough to get somehting small, then you need to find somewhere you can tolerate living. Again, moving somewehere else with a bunch of 20 somethings who party all day and all night will not solve the problem, it will only make it worse.

Headphones and earplugs often do not work, and even when they do, they may be extremely uncomfortable to wear.

As for useful solutions, the only thing I can think of is to apply for disability, which can take a while, or try to find a friend or relative who you can stay with for short times to get away from it.

It really sucks, to be a prisoner in your own house. I know. I have finally moved out, which makes me no ends happy, but only because A) i got disability and B) a friend of my stepmom's who had an extra room agreed to let me move in. It's not an easy process.

Kate