The drugs don't work.... probably
In the past 10 years I've been on fluoxetine, fluvoxamine, paroxetine, sertraline, myrtazapine, citalopram and now buspirone and venlafaxine. At no point have I had a lasting positive effect from any of these and the latest combination seems to make me shaky in the way you might get from too much sugar or caffeine, and constant interupted sleep and very vivid unpleasant dreams.
I've told the psychologist who prescribed me this stuff that it's having these effects but he seems unconcerned and to be honest, just uninterested in anything I say. Because of this, I'm thinking of taking things into my own hands and quitting taking the meds. The problem is it wouldnt be the first time i'd done this and 9 months ago I tried to hang myself, although if that was a result of having quit medication is hard to say since I quit 10 months before making the suicide attempt.
I'm just worried that if I stop taking the meds, then I could be forced into hospital or be put under extra care again? I'm in the UK and not sure what the process is for this kind of thing. Ideally I'd like a psychologist or gp that listens to my experience with the drugs theyre giving me but I'm begining to think they dont exist.
Can you seek out another Dr? That might be the first step.
Another step you can take is identifying the side effects that meds have (on the packaging) and deciding if you can live with those side effects. All medications have them. It's up to the person taking them to decide what is an acceptable side effect as opposed to unacceptable. A few years ago, the Dr. pursuaded my daughter to try a different medication because it was newer. We did try it with dire results (the first time in several years I was "called to school" to get her). That medication caused "outbursts". Another didn't seem to help at all. The one she's decided is "acceptable" causes an anxiety problem, and also mood swings as it wears off. Some sleep issues. But it also helps her to, as she puts it, "feel sane." Now granted, it is an ADHD med, and it seems like maybe you are on anti-depressants. But I think the same thing holds true. What can you live with as far as side effects. My daughter has decided to live with the anxiety and afternoon mood swings because she feels so much better at school, when she needs to.
Obviously the side effect of not taking any medication is you can't function. This is true for my daugher...she is not functional in social situations without medication. She understands that better than anyone. I definitely do not suggesting coming off medication without telling anyone, because you are really puting yourself at risk then.
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I'm not really sure how to change doctor, but I've been assigned a social worker who might be able to help. At least they might listen. The problem is since I have no friends and little contact with family, it's hard to judge when things are going badly. The psychiatrist sees me once every 3-4 months so it's impossible for him to get an idea of how I'm doing. For example, the last appointment I had, he said I looked much better and was doing well, even though 4 days before I was curled up crying and panicing about leaving my room.
The lack of continuous sleep might actually be making me more anxious so that seems to be a counterproductive side effect that I could do without. I just want to be able to go outside and do things like a normal person can without turning into a shaking sweaty ball.
Just over a year ago I went off SSRI's and benzos cold turkey. The withdrawal was psychotic to say the least. I used medical cannabis to ride out the hell I went through the next few months afterwards. I thought I was still going through benzo withdrawal syndrome when I discovered it was actually my aspergers symptoms coming to the surface. Cannabis really did save my life because the pills were killing me. I'm 43 and have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and PTSD...all valid diagnosis. They also thought possible bipolar and schizophrenia, but I don't show all the symptoms. One blood test actually showed possible hypothyroidism, but two other tests proved negative. I've been on Celexa, Effexor, Risperidol, Xanax, Valium, Zoloft, Clonazepam, and finally Zyprexa before I had it with their crummy pills. Since I also have PTSD, I qualified for my states medical cannabis program. I quit the pills and hope to stay off them. They kill the person inside me.
I'm finding more and more research into cannabis and autism. I guess I've been self-medicating myself for almost 30 years with cannabis with great success. Pills just made things worse. So did poorly grown and cured cannabis (also known as 'schwag'). The mold and pesticides are horrible for my symptoms, but properly grown and cured cannabis works wonders!
Good luck finding the treatment that works best for you.
I absolutely agree that finding a new doctor is your first bit of work. My son had a doctor like yours -- no matter how bad off he seemed, she just didn't seem to care. I know that psychiatrists/psychologists need to remain neutral, but this was ridiculous. She just kept changing meds, and none was better than the last. She also did NOT provide anti-anxiety/anti-depressants to help with the "jitters" that you describe, or the depression, etc. I knew that the meds situation just had to be better, so we switched doctors, and that has made all the difference.
I guess you switch doctors when you're frustrated with the one you have, or when they fail to listen to you, or you hear about a better one from friends or acquaintances. No matter what, you should switch. And if the next one is lousy too, you switch again.
And who knows -- maybe cannabis is the answer. I've read that before.
I don't know why doctors keep trying the same type of antidepressant after that type fails 6 times. I can't tolerate SSRI's and never found them to help, but I have found that I can tolerate an tricyclic (doxepin). And it actually works, too.
I've read some things that say that there may be chemically different types of depression. Some people may be "low" on dopamine, and since SSRI's inhibit dopamine release in certain places they can make some people worse. And/or that that may be why the SSRI's can "poop out" (dopamine eventually gets inhibited too much). The shakiness could be due to that (Parkinsonian symptom), but I'm not a doctor and it could be other things. Supposedly, one fix for the "poop out" is a stimulant, but in my case that didn't help.
But overall I agree with others that finding a new doctor sounds like a good step, if it's possible.
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