Seeking expert tips

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Hey all, I only need to introduce myself a little bit, so I can get good suggestions.

I found out that I have AS over a year ago, and it was a really shocking experience. I found out because I took a few communication courses and was struggling to understand the kinds of listening--listening for content, check; listening for enjoyment, check; listening for empathy...well, I thought I knew what that was, but I realized that I wasn't PARTICIPATING in that aspect of listening the way I listen for enjoyment or content. I started to question what was up. Later, my wife said she heard an NPR story about AS and thought "Hey, this all sounds like him". I looked it up on the internet, and then went to a library and checked the DSM IV and a few other diagnosic and treatment related books, hoping to find out that I had some small quirk that I could use to plug in and relate to the rest of the world. What I got instead was a laundry list of symptoms and qualities that made me feel like it stole my personality--everything, from the way I talk and walk, the way I pick hobbies, how my friends treat me, my sex life...my whole being was whittled down to one thing. After about a week, I started feeling better--I realized that this means, above all, that I am not defective and in need of improvement, that these qualities will never change and therefore are not to be considered failures.

I did continue with the communication classes, and reading about AS, and have lurked on this site MANY times after googling issues I'm having. More than anything, it made me realize that I give people way too much benefit of the doubt, and people are(somehow) way shittier as a whole than I even previously suspected. I also tried going to a counselor to see what I should do next, and she was shockingly unhelpful, even dishonest, about my options and just kept wanting me to talk about myself(which I hate hate hate doing, and makes me feel frustrated and tired).

The good thing is that my (self)diagnosis has encouraged me to push harder to start working for myself next year, and has validated my views in my life's struggles at work and social situations.

The bad thing is, my life has become a scene viewed through an Aspie lens. I was told to find another job for the differences between me and my coworkers and our misunderstandings, which were percieved as me having a superior, rude and negative attitude and not caring about my job. I decided to try something 3 months ago, when that happened, and tell my boss that I have AS and printed her out a sheet of tips for dealing with me. What I have gotten is a *bit* more lenience, but no real understanding.

The problem:

It's like every moment of my life involves me having AS, and adjusting or self-monitoring. This is wearing on me severely.

I have been in a major funk, having trouble driving at night, getting sentences out, dealing with noise(like my kids crying), sleeping, etc.

I have read many times that aspies tend to reach out to drugs and alcohol to cope, and while I do not have any drug problems, I have noticed that my life is a lot easier with a few drinks in me. I have managed to keep from doing this to get through work and stuff, but when I have a few drinks, I relax and this makes me get along better with stressful situations and dealing with people. It has gotten to the point that I am seeing it as the only thing that helps, and that thought really bothers me.

Do I need to find some other aspies and hang out? Do I need to spend more time escaping in a healthy way(I used to play a lot of D&D)? Do I need quiet alone time? Do I need to exercise more?

Welcome to the "club"!

At first. I think it's easy to obsess about things and really work hard at trying not to be so Aspie, especially in the work world. My advice is to first chill a little. Then when your head is clear take a look at yourself, both positive and negative aspects. See if you can use your positive qualities at work more and get some positive vibes happening. Next, look at your negative qualities, but instead of trying to work on all of them at once, which is indeed exhausting, pick out 1 or 2 to work on. For example, your perceived rudeness. See if you can work on creating a more positive image at work. Then when you've managed to improve 1 thing, try another. In some ways, it should get easier, because you come to understand yourself, how you are, and how to cope with things.

Unfortunately, unless you live on a desert island, this is a lifelong process of working to fit into the NT world, at least enough to make your life happen. So take it easy on yourself.

Its not working on those things that is causing me trouble, it is the knowledge of its presence...its like being followed around or haunted. Just constantly thinking about the differences is wearing me our, abd I can't figure out what to do to relax, other than drinking, and I drink for flavor, not self-medication, but it could quickly turn into that. What does everyone else do? What do I need, since I can't un-know what I now know?