To Brian; hey "old man." I miss you tons, sometimes. When I was a teenager, you were the adult I looked up to. The one that when everything looked so bleak and horrific, I could look at you and think: "I'm gonna be that happy someday." You gave me so much hope and strength. When my peers would give me nasty looks, or talk badly about me, or make rude remarks about my green hair and "weird" music, I could always think "Hey, Brian like me. If I am good enough to be friends with such a nice guy, then I am good enough all around." It is no secret that I loved you. But then again, it was kinda no secret that you loved me too. I miss the nights after work, when we'd burn in your Toyota Tundra, the green one that smelled like grass and fresh cut fire-wood. I miss the games we'd play while bored, like "empty your pockets to see who has the most interesting contents." I miss how you'd rescue me when I locked myself out of my car, or needed to travel for parts. I miss your soothing voice of reason, telling me that everything was going to be okay.
I miss everything about you!
If I had one wish, it would be to see you again. One more conversation, one more toke, one more smile.
Like that night at Dan and Lynn's retirement party, at the elbowroom in Pittsfield. The wind whipping the leaves around and the moon reflecting off of your eye glasses. How you walked in the room with a beer and I shouted out your name and lept from my chair, without even thinking about our being surrounded by a dozen already suspicious co-workers.
I will never forget you, and when things get hard, or my heart is broken, I remind myself, that I was good enough for you......
_________________
Tonight you can't put me up on any shelf
Because I came here alone and I'm gonna leave by myself!