Friend commited suicide over Christmas

Page 1 of 2 [ 23 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

wyldragon
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2011
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 129
Location: VA

27 Dec 2011, 12:10 pm

A friend who I was just starting to know pretty well commited suicide over the Christmas holiday. I am feeling very sad right now. I wish there had been something I could have said or done to stop him. He had such a promising future, and seemed happy. I had been talking to him a couple nights before about a concert he was giving, and new songs he was going to learn for it. I guess you just never know what's going on inside peoples minds.


_________________
Man is fond of counting his troubles, but he does not count his joys. If he counted them up as he ought to, he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for it. ~Fyodor Dostoevsky


MXH
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jul 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,057
Location: Here i stand and face the rain

27 Dec 2011, 12:12 pm

Sorry. Its quite possibly the most depressing of all the holidays.



ghostar
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 20 Dec 2011
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 403
Location: Most likely work. Sigh.

27 Dec 2011, 12:16 pm

I am sorry too. This is a depressing time of year for certain. :cry:



MXH
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jul 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,057
Location: Here i stand and face the rain

27 Dec 2011, 12:28 pm

ghostar wrote:
I am sorry too. This is a depressing time of year for certain. :cry:

Between valentines and xmas i dont know which is worse. Valentines for someone lonely is terrible and xmas for someone who has no family/friends also sucks.



ghostar
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 20 Dec 2011
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 403
Location: Most likely work. Sigh.

27 Dec 2011, 12:32 pm

MXH wrote:
ghostar wrote:
I am sorry too. This is a depressing time of year for certain. :cry:

Between valentines and xmas i dont know which is worse. Valentines for someone lonely is terrible and xmas for someone who has no family/friends also sucks.


True! Vday hasn't ever bothered me too much as I feel awkward if I have to give or recieve gifts so being single on that day is a plus for me.

Christmas, on the other hand, seems happiest for me when I don't see any of my family. Actually any day that i don't see my family is happier. :)



169Kitty
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 24 Dec 2011
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 214
Location: Minnesota

27 Dec 2011, 12:40 pm

You got it right, we don't know what is going on inside other people's minds. When I've been suicidal people generally don't have a clue. I even fooled my therapist.



ghostar
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 20 Dec 2011
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 403
Location: Most likely work. Sigh.

27 Dec 2011, 1:03 pm

169Kitty wrote:
You got it right, we don't know what is going on inside other people's minds. When I've been suicidal people generally don't have a clue. I even fooled my therapist.


I agree with you. I also fooled my therapist.



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 60,800
Location: Stendec

27 Dec 2011, 1:17 pm

wyldragon wrote:
I wish there had been something I could have said or done to stop him.

There is likely nothing you could have said or done to stop him from committing suicide. It was his choice, and his alone - there is no one to blame except him, and you are not at fault in any way.



jojobean
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Aug 2009
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,341
Location: In Georgia sipping a virgin pina' colada while the rest of the world is drunk

27 Dec 2011, 1:24 pm

There was nothing you could have done cuz he given you no clue that he might even be depressed. I bet it was quite a shock to go from talking about the future to him killing himself. Do you know if it was planned or impulsive. There are only two ways I can figure out what happened. 1) he planned it and was telling people about the future..etc to cover up how he really felt and give no indication of his intentions to kill himself because he was determined that no one would stop him.
2) he was actually planning to future etc etc, but had some intense mental crisis or was under the influence and killed himself rather impulsively.
In either situation, you were not given any indication that your friend was in trouble, therefore there is nothing you could have done to prevent it from happening.
The fact it happened on Christmas day is a good indication it was scenero 1.
We attach so much meaning to this day, so when something really bad happens on Christmas...it just seems to amplify it that much worse.
I am really sorry for the loss of your friend in such a horrible way, but it is in no way your fault. It is common for loved ones in the wake of an unexpected suicide to comb through memories to find what clues they missed. Many times, there arnt any. Some people who are determined to die seem to live a double life up to that point. Even a seasoned mental health professional can be led to believe all is well.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Jojo


_________________
All art is a kind of confession, more or less oblique. All artists, if they are to survive, are forced, at last, to tell the whole story; to vomit the anguish up.
-James Baldwin


techstepgenr8tion
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Feb 2005
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 24,490
Location: 28th Path of Tzaddi

27 Dec 2011, 1:26 pm

:/

What is is I guess. If you saw no signs though it sounds like he was quite serious about the decision long-range, had likely thought about it for quite a ways ahead of time, and didn't want anyone changing things.


_________________
The loneliest part of life: it's not just that no one is on your cloud, few can even see your cloud.


wyldragon
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2011
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 129
Location: VA

27 Dec 2011, 1:27 pm

Fnord wrote:
wyldragon wrote:
I wish there had been something I could have said or done to stop him.

There is likely nothing you could have said or done to stop him from committing suicide. It was his choice, and his alone - there is no one to blame except him, and you are not at fault in any way.


I know, but I still wish there had been something I could have done! I didn't even get to say goodbye to him.

Thank you all for your compassion!! I've known to many people that have killed themselves. I hope he's at peace now.


_________________
Man is fond of counting his troubles, but he does not count his joys. If he counted them up as he ought to, he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for it. ~Fyodor Dostoevsky


IdahoRose
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Feb 2007
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 19,801
Location: The Gem State

27 Dec 2011, 2:11 pm

I'm really sorry that happened. It's an eerie feeling to talk to somebody one day and then find out they died the next day or so later...



Alternative
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 29 Jun 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,341

27 Dec 2011, 2:44 pm

Aww man that sucks.

What everyone has said is right, Winter is especially the most depressing time of the year, and it's always a shame when someone has to take their own life.

It sucks even more, because this friend hid this away from you.

Sorry for your loss.



dianthus
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Nov 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,138

27 Dec 2011, 3:28 pm

wyldragon wrote:
A friend who I was just starting to know pretty well commited suicide over the Christmas holiday. I am feeling very sad right now. I wish there had been something I could have said or done to stop him. He had such a promising future, and seemed happy. I had been talking to him a couple nights before about a concert he was giving, and new songs he was going to learn for it. I guess you just never know what's going on inside peoples minds.


Sometimes people feel happy when they've made their mind up to do it. It brings a sense of relief and they will keep talking about future plans to cover up their intentions. You couldn't have known so please don't worry about what you might have done different. I'm sorry for your loss.



Apple_in_my_Eye
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,420
Location: in my brain

27 Dec 2011, 4:43 pm

That's awful, wyldragon. But like others have said there's probably nothing you could've done.

There's no way to know, but I think sometimes when things (circumstance/plans) start to look promising after many or a really bad failure can be a sort of set up for disaster. At the first little, familiar sign of things going wrong, again, the same as all the other times, can set off thinking, "I've ridden this roller coaster before and I don't have the wherewithal to do it all over again." So, it could've been something small, from an external POV. But who knows.



AnonymousPasserBy
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jul 2011
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 396

27 Dec 2011, 5:05 pm

Sorry. That's painful. I don't know what else to say.