Rants

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I fail at being a woman. I don't even really want to be one. I pretend that this doesn't bug me, but it does.

I wish my bf spent more time with me.

uughhh, well that thread irritated the hell out of me. and it's locked so i can't even respond.
poor thing. i do feel for you. i wish i was brave enough to make proper friends with you. psht.
i think you're nice anyway. mostly.

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blah blah blah come live with meeeeeee. <3

Dreams suck! Why do they even exist!?! !?

Out of my family, I seriously hate almost everyone. My dad's a big jerk. I'm trying to get this baby situation resolved in the only way I can (which is to tell him to apologize to her). But he won't do so until "hell freezes over." Then my little sister won't even be a mother. I don't have time for these people. Family is the worst thing in the world. F--k them all. They've never done anything to deserve my respect nor to help me out. All they care about is politics as usual. They don't deserve my respect, and they don't deserve my love. I hate them all.

Seriously, what is wrong with me. I want so badly to move out and get away from everyone, but in all honesty, that is 6-8 months away at least. And to compound it all, I have to return to college on Tuesday. Thank god, its my last semester before I graduate or I would just drop out.

Why is it that my stupid f$^#@g family always acts up right before college starts back up. Things got so bad after my sister had her kid I stayed with an Aspergian friend for three days. I went to college the first day with nothing more than a coat, a pen, and some notebook paper.

I really think that at the point you're old enough to be engaged and almost through with college, you should really know better than taking (and posting!) tens of pictures every other day, of yourself, obviously taken with your cell phone. No one needs that many downward-angle shots of the same awkward face. If you're going to be that vain, at least smile in some of them. It's bad enough I'm forced to deal with the inane rants of this stupid girl, and I can't unfriend her because she is engaged to someone I love dearly. I don't need a dozen terrifying pictures every other day.

I log in everyday to check if he's messaged me or been online, but he barely logs in once a week, messages me even less often. I just want some indicator that he's at least thinking about me, but I guess he seldom does. Is this the best kinda friendship I can expect to have? What is the point of meeting new people if it's only going to make me feel more lonely?

He's always online on Passions Network whenever I stalk him there though. Not busy like he says he is, just lazy and careless.

(Poor blue.)

Darn it all, you're too damn chicken sh*t to get the things you really want

I wish I could have a few dream free nights, my sleep is terrible and I swear the only thing that keeps waking me up at random times of night is the random **** that happens in dreams.

So basically, **** off dreams and let me sleep!

I have missing emotions and missing sentiments. I am impaired in this sense, even amongst autistic people. I am not attached to my thoughts and my feelings. If I lived in an advanced age, I would happily be neurologically rewired. Of course, this is part of what makes me abnormal because most people have a much greater sense of identity.

so tired of the memories and thinking, please stop.

Why can't I ever just go willingly into change? Gah it's so frustrating when I create all these problems for myself!

at my uncles office today. a lady came over and she started talking to me about my decision to do teaching and he started butting in with "it isnt for her", "teaching is so boring", "it is so demanding" and basically he was trying to get her to disuade me from teaching. my opinion doesnt seem to matter when it comes to my life. it never does. and what the hell makes him think that a strangers opinion would be worth anything to me? then the conversation turns to how good it would be when i got married and had kids because that way i could take care of them. a total stranger just made massive assumptions about my sexual preferences, willingness to marry, career motives, relationship responsibilities, etc and she thought it was totally ok. then when i told her i didnt want to she thought it was appropriate to challenge me about personnal life choices. hrm why dont i want to get married? maybe it's because half the time it is illegal? or maybe i just don't find it necessary?maybe i dont like the idea of being so close to people? oh and i got sex ed so i know you can make babies out of wedlock. i seriously wanted to scream i just dont like sex because that is apparently the only reason she thinks i would want to get married as evidenced by her "why dont you become a nun?" question. not to mention i got "you need to keep your options open", "you need to try things","shes still young"(yeah they referred to me in 3rd person while i was there) etc i wonder what they would have said if they knew i was bi. "oh we didnt mean that open". what the hell is wrong with people? my personal life is absolutely none of your business. it's not ok to be that sexist or heterosexist or ageist. and i get this all the time. from everyone. arrrrgggghhh.

I'm so anxious right now, I could puke

Its either drop out of college and loose my college oppurtunity or start a new medicated life or continue college and not become medicated. I really need to figure out whether I can file for SSDI. or complete dissability.

I'm nearly 10,000 in debt from college and can't see me continuing it any longer. I want to change majors but don't see me being successful at any major I pick.