Killing myself later tonight

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Any other Hermits here? I'm such a loner, I have basically no friends because I left highschool early & didn't really keep in touch. I also have the personality type INTP which makes it hard for me to express myself to others & so I basically live in my own world just speculating about society & the world at large. Not even my family is too close to me, being around them all the time makes me kind of annoyed when they even come near me.

Sometimes I feel like I don't belong in this world & should just end it all, like what's the point in living if I don't communicate with my species? I'm starting college in May which will be great so I can look for likeminded people, but I keep getting so fed up with this isolation, it sucks.

Only thing that keeps me sane is reading/writing stories/poetry & playing guitar basically. Last time I was out in public was at a Led Zeppelin concert with my mate..he is one of the few people I can stand talking to (coincidentally does psychedelics also), ever notice most people who do psyches are cooler than most people & you can actually have intellectual convos with?

I just seriously feel like I'm slowly going off the wagon every f*****g day, I try not to dwell on my personal "problems" because I know all this is just temporary anyway & just try to focus on the world around me, but its damn hard when you have absolutely zero contact, I can only assume its really bad for you aswell.

hmm I kind of know how you feel...the title kinda worried me though.

moved from General Autism Discussion to The Haven

Yeah, I am going crazy, I use to slice my wrists, maybe I'll do that again instead while I wait for college. Living in a fishbowl all day is torture...some ppl aren't meant for life & I think I'm one of em. I can't relate to anyone I'm into alot of hicks/carlin/mckenna/dostoevsky/burroughs/kurt vonnegut/plato/voltaire/neitszche & noone reads that stuff anymore & its my life. I hate society, hate materialism, think we are a plague, very cynical...so whenever I do go in public I b***h and call them idiots...because most of them are. I just need to find someone like me.

so are you looking to find someone like you or are you looking to kill yourself?

a bit of both, maybe a little in between.

I bought alot of percasets earlier & I'm planning on popping them all at the same time. I attempted suicide 2 years ago & failed & ended up in a madhouse for 3 days. This time I will not fail.

do you guys stay locked in your rooms all day as well? I do but it makes me feel mad.

I know it gets very frustrating to try and put myself in everyone's shoes only to find out that most people are not living anywhere near their potential.

Iamsomone what kind of college are you going to? What do you want to study?

I wouldn't reccommend that. The amount of oxycodone in them probably won't kill you (depending on how many you have) and may make you vomit anyway, but the amount of acetomenophen can easily cause liver damage and failure which can take up to a few days to weeks to kill you and is very painful. They also won't do a liver transplant even if they have a match if you have ruined your liver with a suicide attempt. By the time a tylenol overdose kills you, you usually are over the wanting to die thing.

Again, not a good idea at all.

Do you write music too?

The people I can usually carry on a somewhat normal spoken conversation with are usually musicians too.

I prefer to stay at home most of the time too, but I do leave my house. I feel safe and comfortable at home, and I can control that environment. But it's good to go outside to get sunshine when the weather allows.

there is no "in between" when it comes to suicide.

I dropped out in 10th grade because I hated the system & everyone..so um, I got my ged in an easy attempt passed with flying colors, got every question right except on math. SOOOO I'm going to Broward College in uh, may & its going to be so much fun. Schools going to be fun, I must be really losing it. So I want to be an english teacher & write stories in my spare time to try and get published. Studying english/philosophy/& psychology. Idk if I will make it there though, May feels so far away...when you're so conscious of your situation it really drives ya nuts. Every minute feels like a sharp pain to my soul.

I write poetry's/stories/rants all the time in my notebooks/notepads only thing that keeps me sane. I hate tv, hate games, hate everything...I just like to learn or be creative everything else feels like a waste...I started going to a philosophy club & that was a nice change of pace, next meeting we're discussing Fight Club & what kind of philosophical message it was sending. I hate small talk, intellectual conversations give my brain an orgasm, though. My mind is always somewhere else, like I don't think on the same wavelength as normal people..maybe even aspies too...I think LSD has changed me alot.

i found like-minded people in graduate school - best four years of my life.

too many of the folks in college were there because their parents made them go. there was some friend material there, but i had to hunt for it.

with your list of what you like to read, it sounds like you would get on well with my husband. my nephew really likes carlin.

wouldn't it be better to listen to some carlin and perhaps cheer up a bit than to make a permanent solution to what may be a temporary problem?

the national suicide hotline number is 1-800-273-talk.

Nice, i barely graduated HS due to some subjects. English was my short fall though.

Hey if you don't make it in your first year of college you can always go back lol. Im 26 and going back again but this time i understand my self a little better so hopefully its for keeps this time around.

Any links to your stories?