Aspergers and Suicide

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Such a succinct description ...

I've lived my entire with a feeling of disconnection from nearly everyone I meet.
No one shares my interests.

But when in doubt of myself, I just look at most of the normal people around me. Most have perpetual expressions of boredom and discontent on their faces. They're always tired, stressed out, and directionless.

I can't remember the last time I felt like that. To someone like me, everything about the world sparks my natural curiosity. It's a fascinating, open playground. I was born to take a certain interest in this world and experience euphoria from perceiving its beauty.

As a kid, I would derive a sustained feeling of joyous stimulation from collections of bottle caps, baseball cards, magic cards, and field guides. It seemed as though regular people needed to climb on roller coasters just to get a few seconds of that same feeling.

That same same sensitivity that allows for the highest highs in life from the smallest of things, also can enable despair of supreme magnitude. I've been there and have thought about ending it several times.

Really you want to stay away from pharmaceuticals at all costs. Those people just want money. And suffering brings them more profit than solved problems. The incentives are not properly aligned.

I think someone here already mentioned weed, but you needn't do anything illegal.
I find green tea and yerba mate produce a definite mood lift, especially when combined with chocolate. Not a hershey's bar, 85% cacao or higher. I'll sometimes nibble on unsweetened baking chocolate just to get in the right mood.

I find the occasional use of tobacco to be immensely euphoric and calming.
I'm not talking about cigarettes.
I like to get a big fat cigar and spend an hour two sitting out on the porch with a book casually puffing away. Smoking a pipe also produces this sort of relaxation.

IPA beers are awesome for relaxation and euphoria. Because of the extra high hop content, a few bottles of a strong IPA gets me effectively 'stoned.'
I find that using quality tobacco, a nice green tea(loose leaf, not weak tea bags), and an IPA all together can really produce a wonderful feeling.

For going to sleep when in mental anguish or under stress: hops, skullcap, chamomile, and valerian are all extremely useful.

Sorry for the thread necromancy, but felt the need to add to this topic.

Well no wonder I like IPAs so much.......I was kind of wondering what it was I liked so much about those as opposed to other beers.

When I'm feeling down, I don't get suicidal. If the world seems to hate me, killing myself would be to surrender to the world's wishes.
Instead, I choose to fight it. Fight the world, fight the cruel and irrational things in life. Politically. If I'm physically capable, I'll always be willing to live.

Eventually, the depressed feelings go away, and I carry on.

I've considered suicide many times and even came up with what I believe would be the quickest and most painless method. The truth is though I'll probably end up killing myself by mistake with the amount of self medication I do. I take a lot of sedatives to slow down my mind and ease the baseline anxiety and tension I feel every single day. When I'm emotionally distressed (like I am right now as I have really upset someone) I take even more meds.

What gets me through life is the belief that whatever we might call it "God" "Fate" "The Universe" made me this way for a reason and wants me to serve my life this way.

Also I must admit that I hold onto a dream of one day having the resources and means to finally find some kind of sanctuary where I can focus myself totally uninterrupted and without guilt on my interests, I feel deep down that there is great meaning and connection to be had for me in this universe and that I will have contentment and happiness.

I don't know what the statistics are for suicide among Aspies. I know I feel suicidal a lot of the time. I just don't do it because my family. I wish I could be euthanized. It's my life. Why can't I legally choose to end it?