I hate the feeling of having done something wrong.

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And not knowing what it was.


Over the last few weeks me and this girl have been talking a lot. just as friends. It's okay though cause I went into it with just being friends in mind to begin with.. But on Friday we went to an Event for something we both take part in (and in fact where we met) and she basically ignored me the entire weekend even after I'd gone out of my way to try and accommodate what she wanted.. and then on Sunday she seemed to be back to normal but now isn't talking to me again.

I can't for the life of me figure out what i said or did that could have caused this, yet at the same time I know it must be my fault some how. It's causing me a lot of problems.. I can't seem to focus on anything, and I just keep neurotically refreshing facebook and my Email hoping that she's sent me a message and that things will go back to how they were on Friday.

I really hate this as I thought I had made a really good friend but now I'm just obsessed with the idea that I've done something to ruin another friendship and am too oblivious to realize what I did.

People that I interact with every day seem to act towards me according to some random schedule. I can't figure it out, and the first negative response usually causes me to completely shut up for the rest of the day. I don't think that is the 'right' response to take though...

Maybe just roll with it? Actively pursue time with your mate when she seems positive about it, and otherwise just give her space? And don't take it to heart if she doesn't seem receptive to you on occasion. I know, easier said than done, but I think it is the right way to go...

We can't help but be concerned....but that stresses NT's out. Just relax

sound advice, just difficult to achieve in practice.

Yeah, it is. I wish I was better at it. A while ago somebody that I considered a close mate and mentor, due to age, told me to "stop stressing" him with my "f*cking s**t". I'd gone to him to talk because I was upset about a situation I found myself in. I can't go to him any more.

I need to not only give other people a break...I need to give myself a break.

Look at it this way...your friend hasn't found the need to bluntly tell you off yet...how about aiming to demonstrate to her that you are stress free, and maybe even fun to be around?

You have to tell her that you are not a mind reader, and are no good at reading physical cues, or mood cues, so if there is ever something bothering her, she needs to tell you in plain words, either spoken or written down, as you can't fix anything that's wrong if you don't know what it is.

I have observed over my 5 decades + of life that many, many girls and women have the delusion that youths and men automatically just "know" when something is bothering the girl/ woman, and that the guys also automatically just "know" what it is, so if the guy doesn't fix it as soon as possible without being told what's up, then the guy is being an a$$. I am myself a female, but this attitude of fellow members of my gender is stupid, asinine, and bugs me, too. It also leads to a lot of grief, including broken homes for kids of divorce.

Ladies CUT IT OUT!! ! Stop with this "he's not getting my signals or he is ignoring my upsetness, and not fixing things, so he is bad", routine. If you want him to know if you are mad, and what about, and to fix it--COMMUNICATE YOUR PROBLEM TO HIM IN REAL WORDS, NOT CUTESY MAD ATTITUDES!! ! For the record, those cutesy mad attitudes are not cute.

Sorry about the rant on your behalf, but I had to deal with a mother who thought I could read her mind, and thus should have known what was bugging her, until she passed away a few years ago. She was a difficult person to live with for this and a number of other reasons.

Now remember, tell your GF that you are not a mind reader, so she needs to communicate in real words.

Still not heard anything from her... making myself sick cause I can't eat anything until I know some resolution..

I really just wish it could go back to how it was on Friday, but some how I doubt that's going to happen...

I'm sorry that you're going through this. Friendships or relationships not going the way we want them is definitely hard for the disposition life puts us in.

But.. don't let yourself not eat over her. You don't know her well enough, for all you know she's bipolar or has major hormonal mood swings. It isn't close to worth it and you don't owe her anymore accomodations. Friendships, are give and take--not just give.

What was the last thing that happened when things were going good for you guys? Was there a huge awkward silence or something after yo said something? Did things end on what seemed like a positive note? Did she seem happy? If they did end positively--and she came back gloom, doom and antisocial the next time you guys met--thats on her, not you.

Take a step back and use what worked initially in starting this friendship, to help you try and start a new one.

Yeah probably the best thing to do is give it some time. Give her a moment to contact you and then maybe play it off casually when you call her. "Hey hadn't heard from you in a while, hows it going?"

Even if you want the friendship, don't give her power over your relationship.

It's curious but after thinking about it again, and talking to a friend who is as close to an Uber N/T as one can get (He's friends with EVERYONE and never has any problem getting jobs or whatever he wants) he suggested I was looking at it all wrong.

His suggestion was that maybe it wasn't something that I did, but something that I didn't do. If accurate it would also explain another niggling concern from the weekend, that being why some mutual acquaintances commented to me that I needed to be more assertive...

I guess as aspies we are prone to emotional crashes so maybe NTs are prone to mood swings, I mean it could be something really really small for example I can be affected by small things like people around me eating with thier mouths open, so perhaps its not that you did anything wrong just something that irriatated her as a pet hate perhaps?

Sometimes even when your trying your best with someone it just takes that little bit more effort even when your giving what feels like your best you know. Hope all goes well!