I hate aspergers.

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Well, AS sucks. There's no doubting that. AS sucks, and society makes it suck more than it has to, and those things are not within your control. You just have to live with them.

The best years of your life are NOT almost over. The years from 12 to 22 were the WORST years of my life.

Don't buy our culture's stupid youth-worshiping BS about adolescence being the best life has to offer. It ain't.

I know how you feel. Asperger's makes me feel miserable too. If there was a possible way to get rid of it, I would do it as soon as possible. And I don't care if it makes me who I am. I don't like who I am. I don't like the way I am. I don't like being unconfident and odd. I want to be able to fit in, be part of a group, be automatically liked, have more natural social skills, not have people thinking I'm a bit odd. I know NTs can be odd but even NTs who are odd still seem to fit in and know what to say and so on.

It's worse for people like me because the oddities about me are invisible and so are difficult to pinpoint exactly what they are, yet they're there and people can see it, even though they are unable to pinpoint what is exactly odd about me too. So they just get more confused about me and just say, ''I think she's just a bit odd, in an unusual way.'' I don't like being like that! I get so angry at myself because I'm aware that I'm odd, yet there isn't anything I can do about it. I am good at covering up my AS and acting NT, and nobody suspects AS with me, but at the same time I can't cover it all up completely. There will always be some oddities that leak out without me stopping it, because it's just tied in with my personality so there's nothing I can do about it. I've done enough, I've made it so people won't suspect AS or anything like that, but they just go assuming I'm just a bit odd and really can't put their finger on why, unless I tell them straight. But then they probably wouldn't believe me, since my condition is very mild and so I don't exactly reach the stereotypes what most NTs look upon Autism as. They just assume I have some sort of mild mental retardation, or severe depression, or a borderline personality disorder. I haven't got severe depression, but people have actually asked me if I have before.

I just wish I was born NT. It's so common to be an NT, so why couldn't I just be one of them? Why am I just lumbered with this AS what I didn't even ask for? It's ruining my whole life. It causes issues when filling out application forms for jobs, when I wonder if writing it down in the disability box is the right thing to do or not, or not writing it in and telling the employer once I get the job will just cause me more problems or not. I haven't even had a job yet so I will never know. I just envy people who can write N/A in the disability box and move on, without worrying about telling them anything later if they do get the job, they can just get on with their given tasks without coming to difficulties what the boss will consider unusual. It's so unfair.

What made my brain this way? If my mum and dad had sex the next night, would I still have got this nasty thing? Would a different sperm have gone to the egg and made an NT fetus, like it should of done? I know I can't play the blame game, but I really do wish I was NT like the rest of my family. I'm not saying being NT is the golden ticket to happiness and I know that being NT is not just plain-sailing, I know. I just can't explain why I want to be NT so badly, even though they might have more problems than me, it still beats being an Aspie and feeling like I do.

"My youth is gone and aspergers has basically ruined my life."

22 and you are saying stuff like that. Just be glad you found out about Aspergers at a young age. Now you know what you are dealing with and can work with it. I wish I had known I had Aspergers and what it was when I was 22, it would have saved me a lifetime of wondering why I was the way I am.

Your life is just beginning, so go do something with it…

I agree, I hate having Aspergers with a passion.

I'm 20 and I feel the same way as OP, I'm wasting my prime years away thanks to this disability.

It just screws me up so much, Can't participate in nothing that requires socialization, I'm all screwed up.

Random Strangers call me ret*d under their breath under their breath while I'm walking down the street and at work, man screw this world.

I hate it sometimes to the point of wanting to kill myself, but sometimes it seems even Aspies have got better luck than I.

I hate having it so much. I hate it more than words can say, and that is not an idiom nor an exaggeration. It is true, I really mean it in the most literal way. I just hate it, and I want to spend the rest of my life screaming, ''WHY?????! !! !!'' But I'm not insane enough to do that. I can't deal with having it any more. I feel that my life doesn't matter. I can't enjoy the things around me. I can't enjoy holidays because the people I'm with always end up getting chatted up and fancied by people at the bar, which makes me feel like I'm so ugly and unconfident.

And, I know I've said this 100 times before, but LACK OF EMPATHY IS NOT AN AUTISTIC TRAIT!! ! It is a human trait. I live in a very self-centered society. People judge you on the outside instead of thinking of what's in the inside (your feelings and your true self). Is that what you call empathy? And, like I said earlier, you're with your sister on a tour holiday and the coach driver fancies your sister and doesn't even give you any eye contact, just pays his whole attention on your sister and makes you feel invisible. I could never do that. If I was a coach driver and there were two brothers that were on my coach and I liked one of them, I would never ignore the other one. That'd be downright rude, if you ask me. How would the other brother feel, especially if he wasn't a confident person.

So the next person who says ''lack of empathy is an Autistic trait'' I feel like strangling them. If NTs didn't lack empathy, wouldn't Autistics be more accepted and understood?

I hate the f*****g disability. Can't get a job. Can't go out clubbing. Can't go out anywhere without judgemental c***s staring at me. Can't be part of a group of friends my age. Can't be normal. Can't have normal emotions and react to things normally. Can't enjoy holidays because the people I go with always get fancied by some twat who has the gift of the gab. Can't, can't, can't, can't, can't. That is all my life is.

I just want to be NT. Why couldn't I just be a NEUROTYPICAL like everybody else? I am not the person I wanted to be. I am not the daughter my mum wanted. I am not the sister my brother wanted. I am just a troubled, screwed up wreck who is so mental and insecure inside that I f**k up everybody else's lives aswell. I can't stop being jealous, I am constantly jealous of everyone and I just wish I could rule everyone's life in order for me to fit in and not feel left out any more, but I can't, people have to do what they want, and whatever people want always seems to be against me. And yes, for once in my life I am being selfish. I am fed up with always running around after other people all the time, having to impress them and do what they want and being careful not to hurt their feelings and disappoint them, before I can even get to think of my own feelings. For once I want people to live MY way, which means

NO FLIRTING ABOUT WITH THE f*****g TARTY SLUT BEHIND THE BAR

AND

NO FLIRTING ABOUT WITH THE f*****g LOFTY s**thead BEHIND THE BAR

I hope David Cameron does me a favour and axes every bar in the country, then where will these poor dears go to meet their beloved little lovers?

I wish I could be dead. Maybe I will just jump in front of the train and it'd put me out of my misery. And I'm not doing this just for myself, I'm doing it for other people because nobody likes me, including me.

f**k Asperger's. What's life if you don't have high intelligence or descent social skills? You tell me.

I wish I were NT too. But I do not spend much time wishing because it is a surefire way to feel depressed. People who are paralyzed wish they could walk, people who are average wish they were beautiful. Everyone wishes for something, and those who wish too often will never do.

Christ alive, gang I know its hard Really I do.

Theres good and bad in everything. Just do what you can, and forget about stuff in the past.
Really just read a book work on a project, gee whiz do something!

Sometimes I love having it sometimes I hate having it my opinions as days go by vary like a flip of the coin. Its like a blessing but a curse at the same time.

I like the huge artistic talents I have but it'd be nice to enjoy conversations more...but I had gifts and higher intelligence and you didn't. Can still find something you can do to make the world a better place. Honestly, if you don't think you will ever be happy, suicide may be the right choice, but only if you're absolutely certain. A life in misery is pointless in my opinion.

AS does suck. I hate that I have it and I hate that my son has it. At first I tried to adapt to an NT world. Didn't work. As I got older I learned to make my own world and run it the way I like it. If you can't acccept me the way I am, well that's your loss. I'm not going to change to fit into socially accepted norms.

At 46 years old, a wife and two kids later, I don't need to be accepted by those who don't or won't take me warts and all. Did I mention I'm fat and bald too!

I have people that love me, I love them and I never stop learning. That's all that matters.

Hi i'm new here. I've got a brother who has heavy austism and i have been diagnosed with aspergers and if i had a choice on which autism spectrum i wanna be, i would prefer the former. Because at least my brother is still very unaware of his surroundings his disability standouts to the point that it's really pointless to even pick on him. But me having asperger kind of really kills because i'm only like intelligent in 1 or 2 things but so clumsy in many other simple stuff and the same applies to communication: good at talking about 2 subjects, horrible at talking about 12,000,000,000,000 other topics that i really don't get the f%^%$ why they even can cope being interested at talking many different things.

But that's not really the point i'm talking about. I'm saying that if i had a choice of asperger or heavy autism i choose heavy autism so at least i wouldn't have to put up knowing people think i'm weird and being socially ret*d.

Sweet Pea hugs