I hate being the way I am

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I am 50 & can't even get a diagnosis other than knowing about Aspergers & having a name for why I am unable to fit in anywhere. Apparently, I can't have Aspergers because I am female, have been married, & held down a job (even though I faced bullying on a regular basis). I am happiest alone in my own world. I've been told that that's not normal. What do you do when you are clearly not normal, & can never live up to others' expectations no matter how hard you try? I always fail at everything I try to accomplish. I am so tired of trying to jump through hoops, & never getting anywhere. Yeah, I have my special interests but my main one doesn't earn me money. I am unemployed & unemployable due to my inability to get along with anyone other than myself. I even suck at volunteering my skills

Hahahaha! Just because you're female and you've been married means you can't be Autistic? What kind of idiot therapist is spouting that crap? Post its name and location publicly so people will know not to go to it!

And get a new, better therapist.

That's all I know to tell you; I'm young and I know very little about the world.

Sounds like you need a new healthcare provider. I mean, I'm no medical professional, but I'm pretty sure autism isn't one of those things that magically disappears at a certain age. Personally I'm not sure if I should be depressed that such idiots can gain the title of "professional", or reassured that the world still somehow works when such idiots CAN gain the title of "professional". Other than the changing providers advice I'm afraid I can't do much for your actual predicament. As for any negative emotional feelings, try not to listen to them. They'll just make you depressed and thats just what they want. Don't give them what they want! If you can't have what you want then THEY DON'T DESERVE WHAT THEY WANT!

......

Ugh, terrible at cheering people up. Need to work on that. Toodles!

I'm a male and I'm 41 but my gp said similar things. You can't have Asperger's because you have an education, a stable job (software development job for a bank), are married and don't "look" like I have Asperger's. But he still referred me to a psychiatrist. He said I likely had mild ADHD and nothing more.

It took the psychiatrist 2 appointment to conclude I had Asperger's and another that I had ADHD as well.

Don't give up, find a better dr.

I am unemployed, & because I can't seem to get another job for the life of me, am stuck with my current provider. They have always sucked for me, though they gave my mother wonderful treatment while she was alive. I wish I could explain it, but there seems to be something that I am continually doing wrong, & since I cannot beg for help, I get blown off. If I could afford to change, I would. I am just so sick & tired of having issues that Aspergers explains while nothing else does, but no one will listen to me even when I describe my difficulties. It's as though I speak a dialect my health care providers just cannot understand...though to me, I speak perfectly clearly. I am pretty much at the end of my rope. I am learning that I even suck giving away my skills as a volunteer since I cannot make money off my broken personality. It's been broken since I was at least a toddler, & it only gets worse as time marches on.

IDEA! Maybe instead of trying to tell them you have Aspergers, see if you can come up with another reason (any) to see a psychiatrist. Depressions, anxiety, whatever. Then maybe if you can get to an actual doctor, you can get your diagnosis? I'd go with depression, you seem kinda depressed (no offense).

take the test at iautisitc.com/test_AS.php and print out the results and take them to your doc. figuratively beat them over the head with it. when we were at the age when most people are diagnosed, autism wasn't on the radar. there are tons of us middle agers just getting by and not knowing why until a family member is diagnosed and we read about AS, only to find it describes ourselves.

docs need to keep an open mind and listen to their patients. YOU are the expert on YOU.

i'm married and i work part-time and i have AS. all this happenned recently as a result of social skills hard won through the school of hard knocks. i'm also on disability for another problem, or i would have been destitute because of AS.

Originally I wanted a DX just so I could just put a name to my afflictions. But it's not likely to happen with my current healthcare provider. As a matter of fact, it takes a minimum of 5-6 weeks just to get a follow up appt with a shrink. I also tried to get occupational therapy for my many overwhelming sensory issues. My healthcare provider informed me that if I am over 21, I can't get OT. They only provide it for children. I have to deal with the sensory issues alone by myself. Well it hasn't worked so far for 50 years. How much longer should I keep trying when nothing works? I am running out of options. Life is one big huge frustration, & has been since I can remember. I'm just tired of fighting a losing battle, when doors are slammed in my face over & over again. If I didn't have to work ever again, & could just sit in my house, & do photography & listen to ELO or Irish music, I'd be a very happy camper. Unfortunately, my life is one big fat struggle, & I just don't know how much more I can cope with.

Sorry for whining. It's just so frustrating to live in a world where being different is so wrong.

Sadly this healthcare system (and calling it a system is nicer than it deserves) is more equipped to deal with children with autism spectrum than adults. That's a problem I had when I got diagnosed. We found plenty of AS help, but it was all for childbeasts. In the end I found a psychologist who was willing to take a try. Talking with him helped a little, wasn't able to offer any good advice (but I haven't found a single therapist who did). But you got this place, and people who if they aren't able to offer any helpful advice, can at least hear your story and relate. You aren't alone, and knowing that can be a big comfort. And life can be a frustrating journey, but you're 50 years old, you made it this far, might as well see it through to the end.

I believe it was Confucius who said, "It is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness." And while I am not a fan of the Chinese way to run a society, I am a fan of that quote. Because truly it is the small pleasure's in life that make it worth living. Maybe get an MP3 player, put your music on it. And when you're at work and somethings getting to you, go to the bathroom and listen to your favorite track. It won't make the problem go away, but the couple minutes it gives you to recuperate may give you the small boost you need to make it through the day. Though I would limit that tactic to 1 use, 2 max per day. I say that because 1) people will think you're just slacking off and that's never good and 2) I think over use can make it less effective. Keep up the good work soldier! I can't give you reinforcements, but I can tell you that you are not alone in the war.

This may not help you, but can't hurt to look into it.

Is there a local (or regional) autism resource network that could offer you some help? Advocacy, suggestions for better therapists, or just someone who will listen to your situation and offer some suggestions? While you may not be able to afford to see another doctor/psychologist, there are folks out there that offer a sliding scale, and even work with some people for a token payment.

I suggest this because I feel like your story is similar to mine. I'm younger than you at 30, but still an adult who has held jobs, and "done NT stuff" for years. When I finally came to the conclusion that I probably have Aspergers, I had no idea what to do about it. I work, but very part-time, and money is so very tight for anything that isn't housing or food. Healthcare is pretty much research, herbs, and ibuprofen. So what if I'm so depressed that some days I can't do much more than blink and stare into space. I can understand how hard it is to feel that because I don't have the finances to pay for help, that I can't get help.

I did some research and started calling local autism societies, and resource centers. It sucked. It was terribly awkward, and I started crying on the phone a couple times. I hate talking on the phone! But I understood that I had to be creative if I was going to be taken seriously and heard. I ended up talking to an intake counselor at a local autism diagnostic center. They do adult diagnosis for FREE! (for now anyways until the DSM 5 takes effect, and they lose some funding). I didn't know about them til I started reaching out for help. I don't live in an area that has much money so I was shocked. She listened to me, and asked me lots of questions. Just being heard and validated was SO helpful to me.
I also contacted the local Autism group, and they referred me to some psychologists who do sliding scale assessments and therapy for Aspergers and Autism. Those folks weren't as nice, sort of condescending and doubtful of my claims, but they connected me to a woman who will see me for a price I can (sort of) afford. It is a start.

I guess what I'm saying is that there may be resources available to you. Please don't give up yet, even if you feel like it is pointless. I've been severely depressed off and on my whole life. It is a rough and dark place to live, especially when this world is so unforgiving and harsh. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time right now.
What I will say is that we don't know what the future will bring. It could be very interesting and I want you to be heard! You deserve validation and relief. I want to have Aspie elders around to turn to, people who have lived and struggled and have amazing wisdom to share. You aren't yet an elder, but I want you to be one day.

I'm not good at encouragement, but I hope you can find some resources. Even if it is food assistance and SSD or something. You sound like you need an advocate, and I really hope you find one soon.