Devastated

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I just learned that my older brother has done something awful.

We lost our father in 2008. When he died, he left some money in a checking account. We learned that in order to access that money (since my father didn't leave a will) that all surviving siblings had to sign affidavits giving authority to my brother to withdraw the funds and disburse it amongst us. None of us felt comfortable doing this, so the money sat in the account for a few years. I decided to try for it, so I collected the necessary paperwork from all my siblings except him. He kept putting off signing his affidavit always promising to do it and then not signing. Finally I called the bank to see if the money was still there before trying to submit the paperwork to the court. That was when I learned that he lied to the surrogate court 1 year ago and said that he was the only surviving sibling, thus gaining the authority to withdraw the money. So now I have to break the news to all my sibs. Worse, there is nothing I can do about it! I feel deeply hurt and betrayed by my brother. We all really needed that money.

Oh my, that really is awful! No wonder you feel hurt and betrayed! It's not just the loss of the money, but the duplicitous behaviour of your brother which must be so hard to bear.

I don't know about the relationship with your brother, but it may be possible to recover the money. After all, he committed fraud and the bank failed to carry out adequate checks to make sure that he was entitled to all of the money. It would be worth seeking legal advice to find out what steps you can take to get the money. Even if your brother has spent it by now, it may be that the bank should reimburse you and your siblings from their own funds and then the bank would have to try to recover the money from your brother. Of course, if you do go down that route you would have to take action against your brother and you may not want to do that.

I'm so sorry.

What a terrible thing for your brother to do! I have seen some awful things that other siblings have done to their family members & it appalls me. My mother passed away in Nov 2010, & I just found out that my father dumped her ashes in their backyard. He also gave away their funeral plots, among other things. I no longer trust my dad, nor do I wish to help him with anything since he has pretty much made it clear that he is going to leave me nothing but a mess. I am sorely tempted to tell whomever contacts me when he passes that I have no idea who he is. It's hard to believe that people can be so horrible.

I am truly sorry you've been put into the center of a mess yourself.

The worst of it is that I fear my siblings will think that I took the money for myself, since I initiated this thing. There is not a lot of trust in my family. I can't afford to hire a lawyer. The free legal aid that is available in this state doesn't handle things like this as far as I can see.

It's just like my brother died. I would never have thought he would do something like this. The worst thing is that he allowed his family to believe that the money was still there. He knew I was going to divide it fairly amongst us. He even called me on my birthday and pretended to be concerned because I was having trouble collecting signatures. This betrayal cuts like a knife. I can't stop grieving about it.

I'm sorry you're going through that; it's devastating when family, the people who are supposed to look out for you, are the ones to take advantage of you.

Have you checked the amounts allowed for small claims tribunal in your state (if you're in USA)? You can often make a small claim yourself, without a lawyer. But the amounts vary a lot between the states, worth checking though. It shouldn't be too difficult to get documentation from the bank showing what he did. Often, faced with a lawsuit, people will negotiate and pay back the money.

http://law.freeadvice.com/resources/sma ... courts.htm