My mom doesn't trust me, without reason

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SticksAndSkins
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23 Apr 2012, 3:07 pm

Basically, my mom doesn't trust me simply because of my aspergers. I've never broken the law, never smoked, never done drugs, I hardly drink and hardly ever go to parties, and she knows this. She has simply stereotyped me as unable to cope in the real world just because of the AS... Is there any way to prove to her that my aspergers does not define me as a person, that I am trustworthy, and that I don't need to be babied so much?



John_Browning
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23 Apr 2012, 3:43 pm

Before I bring up possible solutions, there are a lot of other things that can get you into a jam that don't involve bad behavior. For example: she may see something about you that raises concerns about your ability to deal with malicious people or fear you are going to have a meltdown or get picked up by the cops over something AS related. I don't know you so those are just examples of some common parent concerns. Have you sat down with your mom and had her spell out what her concerns are? If not, do so but don't argue with her right then. Take time to work out what small incremental steps will help you gain her trust and then approach her about different issues, no more than one issue a day. I know it's demeaning for someone your age, but constant creeping incrementalism is often best to deal with grossly overprotective parents. I had to do that myself for a while too!


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nebrets
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23 Apr 2012, 4:10 pm

Her fears about you coping may not be about a lack of trust. I am never in trouble and I do not do any "risky" behaviors but I do have trouble coping on my own. My mom knows this and even before I was diagnosed with AS she was concerned about my ability to live on my own. Most of this is because of my 'executive dysfunction' problems, I have organization problems that make me have to double, triple, etc check to see if I paid my bills, or if I took a medication if I am on a medication or my daily vitamins. I also have trouble going to the grocery store frequently because I find it to be a stressful environment. With all that said I do live on my own (with a roommate to split the rent), and I am successful in doing so.

Ask your mom what areas she is concerned about you having trouble with. The put together plans to minimize the risks associated with that area of concern.

I also have problems know who not to trust, so I have an agreement with my dad to minimize the likelihood that I will get into a situation with an untrustworthy person. Some of these might seem "embarrassing" like having a guy who wants to ask me out talk to my dad first to get approval. But this is to protect me from being taken advantage of by a person who has bad intentions.



diniesaur
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23 Apr 2012, 6:09 pm

Do you live in the United States? If so, I think you have broken the law. By "drink" I assume you mean "consume alcohol," which is illegal for people under 21. I'd be pissed if my kid were partaking in underage drinking. Do you sneak the alcohol? Maybe she's not trusting you because of that.