Just need someone to talk to.
Back a little while ago I lost my job over an issue with someone I worked with and it was entirely my fault and I deserved to lose my job. It involved some legal issues. Since then I have been unable to find another job. I really liked that job and my coworkers but my owners said that I put them in a position where they could not ignore what I did and had no choice but to fire me. What I did was pretty bad.
I fight with my parents a lot and we do ont get along. My mom and dad constantly remind me no winder why I have no friends, and this really hurts me and they say I don't contribute anything to the house.
My marks at university haven't been great and I have taken four years so far but need to take an extra year to fill my requirements for my BA. This is embarassing for me and I feel like I haven't tried my best.
I don't really have a lot going for me because I am overweight, ugly, have bad teeth, no freinds and I stim uncontrollably.
I applied for a job recently to work at a community centre and got told recently they couldn't offer me the job. When I was interviewed for it they gave me social situations I had to react to and they were not impressed with my ability to react to misbehaving kids.
I have been thinking a lot about suicide and think I will do it by jumping infront of a subway train. I feel horrible and have done a lot of horrible things in my life. I have been going to counselling but I am not sure how affective it is.
The worst times in my life were the times I felt useless to the world, like I was just taking up space and food and air and had earned the resentment of those who gave me those things. The only thing thing that kept me from suicide was fear. I had an unsupportive family, no friends around and nothing to look forward to. I had just enough energy to drive to a new city for a job interview (which I didn't get) and then fill out one more application before giving up. Fortunately, I DID get that job and then settled to what ended up being not too bad a life.
All I can tell you is to keep your eyes open for that small stroke of luck out there that will change your life. It might be an ad in the paper for a job opening, or someone on the bus telling you something you needed to hear, or just doing something you haven't done in a long time and finally getting that burst of energy you've been missing for a long time. It's a big, messy, chaotic, wonderful world out there, and it has a place for you, I promise you that. All you have to do is find it.
_________________
Everything would be better if you were in charge.
Fatal-Noogie
Veteran
Joined: 28 Oct 2007
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,069
Location: California coast, United States of America, Earth, Solar System, Milky Way, Cosmos
Bachelor's in Arts? What's your major? Do you have work online.
It took me 6 years to complete an engineering program that it took everyone else 5.
(everyone who completed that is. There were a lot of dropouts in my class
because it was such an intense program.)
I also lost the opportunity for a great job because I got stumped in an interview with that same kind of question.
It's one thing to react to a situation with kids, and another to explain to a stranger why your
hypothetical reaction is appropriate. I think those areas are minefields for us Aspies.
What kind of job do you want?
_________________
Curiosity is the greatest virtue.
I have been putting out resume's right, left and centre and have not gotten one call back. I have a job lined up for September, but at the moment I am nearly broke and want to start work for the summer.
I have been considering calling up my old employer and asking them for my job back since I length of time has passed since I was fired. When they phoned me and told me they were letting me go they said they did want to talk about the incident in person, but they never followed up on that and that they werew sad to let me go since I had been such a good employee.
I once froze completely in an interview. I felt awful about it, but later I got a better job (better suited for me) at the same place. It's not the end of the world. There are types of work you'll be suited for and others that you aren't.
Oh, I also didn't finish college at all. You seem to be doing a lot better there than I did!
I still don't have many friends, but I did manage to become independent and stay employed until retirement.
You're young and there is hope. A lot of things that bothered me a lot at 18 to 24 have basically evaporated as problems by 55. Of course there are always problems, but sometimes time and maturity, and learning to understand yourself, fixes some of them.
Have you ever worked with a career counselor who knows something about Aspergers/Autism and can help you figure out what type of work you'd be good at, or maybe an occupational therapist? (I'm not sure exactly what they do, so I'm not sure if I have the right term for what I'm thinking of.)
Finishing school is what I see as your biggest priority. Hang in there! Things will work out, I'm sure.
Fatal-Noogie
Veteran
Joined: 28 Oct 2007
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,069
Location: California coast, United States of America, Earth, Solar System, Milky Way, Cosmos
Finishing school is what I see as your biggest priority.
I second all that.
No sense scavenging for scraps if you haven't exhausted the possibilities pursuing the jobs you want.
(I didn't make my question clear. I meant to ask what job(s) you WANT, not what jobs you think you might be able to get.)
Speak to a vocational counselor of some sort. Most colleges have some counseling service like that.
Every one of them told me I have to start with something I like, because human beings can't live happily doing
what they hate for 45 hours a week.
_________________
Curiosity is the greatest virtue.
Finishing school is what I see as your biggest priority.
I second all that.
No sense scavenging for scraps if you haven't exhausted the possibilities pursuing the jobs you want.
(I didn't make my question clear. I meant to ask what job(s) you WANT, not what jobs you think you might be able to get.)
Speak to a vocational counselor of some sort. Most colleges have some counseling service like that.
Every one of them told me I have to start with something I like, because human beings can't live happily doing
what they hate for 45 hours a week.
To be honest with you, I don't know. I just need work. Preferably the job I would like is to get back the job I lost.
The job market is difficult at this time, and you might have to go to a career councellor and recruitment agency to help you. I am sorry that I can't help get a job.
Finding someone to talk to can be difficult. You could get a penfriend, or join a club of something you like (say a chess club if you like chess).
Don't die, dude.
I've been there too.
A year ago I was completely useless, almost dead, looking for opportunities when my kids weren't around to finish the job. I was looking at the rest of my life being that way, had professionals telling me that was all I could expect and should learn to be happy with it because all the success I'd had in life up to that point was either a fluke or due to someone else's effort.
You know what?? They were wrong.
I'm not perfect. Some days I'm pretty high-functioning, some days I'm barely human. Friday I did everybody's laundry and cleaned the whole house and painted the bathroom and taught my 4-year-old to use a roller and some other stuff. Today, we took the kids to my mother-in-law's company picnic today-- I got through the event fine (didn't speak to anyone but didn't do anything too overtly weird) and then slept for the next seven hours. Tomorrow will be better, maybe. Probably.
The point being, look, things will turn around for you too. You just have to keep trying, maybe try something different. Don't quit. You've been OK before and you'll be OK again.
_________________
"Alas, our dried voices when we whisper together are quiet and meaningless, as wind in dry grass, or rats' feet over broken glass in our dry cellar." --TS Eliot, "The Hollow Men"
For the past week or two I have not been motivated to do anything. All I do all day long is pretty much sleep and eat. I have tried to motivate myself to read a newspaper or a book or something, but I just can't do it. On top of that I currently don't have a job and my job search isn't going very well. I really just don't feel like doing anything.
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