this cant be very good

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I have been with my girlfriend for about 3 years now. We live in California and she lives in Los Angles area, i live about an hour away from her. We met on a teen social site and we became friends and it took off from there. Well my family has had some serious problems in the past and because of them, were all quite a bit depressed and anxious and frustrated and such and because of it we argue very very often, and often my family takes it as far as calling the police on me for yelling when their yelling at me too and actually hitting me as well, they made the police take me to the mental hospital once and i was there for the mandatory 72hrs for evaluation and was given a Chronic Paranoid Schizophrenic diagnoses by a guy who talked to me for 5min and all he really had to say is i should know better than to disrespect elders because im mexican. the f**k? he was hispanic as well but still. They let me out without further treatment or nothing, strange to let someone whose a paranoid schizo just walk around med-free, but what do i know, im not a doctor.

Anyways....My girl has been with me through all this s**t, she seen me have to put up with it almost daily and has had to see or hear me in tears or very depressed and it just hurts her to see how often they hurt me. She cant take it much more and shes almost ready to leave, according to her its because she loves me so much she cant be with me because she cant stand to see me so depressed. But really, all i have in terms of people to go to and be helped by is her....whenever i feel like shes gonna leave i spiral and feel like theres no point in living anymore....that cant be good for me right? *sighs* i just dont know how to let go a bit. maybe if i let go a bit, she'll feel less pressure, lately ive tried to stop telling any of my problems but al it does is make me bottle em up and eventually explode over something small.....i have a therapist, but rarely get to see her.

I dont know what to do.....i used to use psychedelic trips to sort out my mind, because, well, my name haha but i wanna be able to learn to do it without having to be mentally exhuasted....and im trying to lay off of substances for a while as well, ive learned what i need to from them for now. I just dont know how to handle this :/

1. Your family situation is toxic. Move out. If you aren't of legal age, find a relative or adult friend you can live with. If you are at least 16 years old, are in school and have a part time job, you may even be able to file for emancipation with the court. That gives you the right to be treated legally as an adult, but is not handed out like M&Ms. You need to keep out of trouble, and in school, and you need the part time job to pay bills. With emancipation, you would no longer be in your parent's custody, but would be on your own. However, it is then up to you to take care of yourself, as your family will no longer be legally responsible for you. If you don't have money for a lawyer to do this, you can try to get a Legal Aid attorney, but again, you need to show that you will keep out of trouble and in school. If you don't have work, you may be able to file for temporary rent, cash, medical, and food assistance, but the court won't like it if you plan on making that a way of life.

2. Stay off the dope. It does far more harm than good, and can land you in jail or get you killed. It will also kill your chances of getting emancipation if you want to try for that.

Good luck, and do look for somewhere else to live.

double post

Last edited by Sweetleaf on 26 May 2012, 4:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That does not sound very good at all you're right...sorry you're having to deal with all that. If it is at all possible for you to get away from your family and maybe move out I would try and do that. Also I am not sure what to do with the relationship situation, I mean I kind of fail at relationships so I certainly am not a very good person for advice on that.

I certainly see nothing wrong with the use of psychedelics, but yeah if its not helping you now then its probably not worth doing...at least for a while but that's really up to you. I think it is somewhat important to be in a somewhat good place mentally to trip, at least in my experience and even then its not good to use them too often(which I admit to doing in the past).

Anyways I am not sure this is very helpful but I hope it helps talking about it, and that others can also provide useful input. If I think of anything more I'll add it.

Well they actually still do their magic for sorting my head out, I just wanna learn to do it without trips.
At the same time, the whole shamanism thing sorta calls for it.

I mostly am gearing towards natural like Mescaline instead but its just convincong my family to let me do my rituals in peace and then i could do em fine, just they give bad vibes when it comes to that, its the whole heritage thing for me, before chritianity, shamanism was around as spiritual medicine for my people in Mexico. Maybe what need is a guided trip with an actual full fledged Shaman instead of trying to navigate it myself

Hmm maybe, only thing is where do you find a full fledged Shaman? Me and my brother would sure like to find one as well. but yeah I never got much into that though I find it very intresting but my issue with psychedelics is as beneficial as they could be I am just under too stress right now so it would interfere, and probably send me into a bad trip. But then again I am not so sure I mean maybe it is a good trip I need, I've been drinking too much lately doesn't really help.

But yeah anyways it would be good to learn to do it without tripping, my thing is sometimes I drink or smoke cannabis just to come down from all the adrenaline that ends up in my system from me being on edge all the time. Or because it calms me if I'm anxious and/or paranoid feeling(not saying I advise it it's just what I do) but then I realise there is the possibility of having to go without alcohol or cannabis so it would be nice to learn how to gain some control without those things as well. Also because this happened before on some other site cannabis is marijuana, just another word just in case...because I ran into someone who didn't know that's what it was.

Ever had real absinthe? I hearyou trip on that. Also, are you into some of the RC's?

well the difficult part would be getting enough money together because it would involve traveling lol certin ares of mexico and southern texas are mexican indians who do peyote rituals, i think theres some shamans in central mexico and central america who use mushrooms, and of course the south american Ayuhuasca shamans or peruvian San pedro cactus shamans.

i use cannabis for that too, i cant really drink, i get a quick migraine and nausea, alcohol just seems to be a trigger for my migraines. but if i use cannabis i do feel calmer and less inclined to fight, ill usually moan or sigh if they ask me to do something while under the influence of it but i just get up and do it as opposed to normally questioning or sayin "yeah ok in a bit". I gont know, i just do what they tell me more when i smoke for some reason, probably cuz im just calm and not on edge because i always seem to be anxious and irritated when sober.....and i been like that since i was 13 so i know its not because of wanting cannabis, often times i dont even wanna smoke but have to for my shoulder pain which has been freakin constant since like August last year! Thats another story though lol

Dang sounds rough. Honestly i dont have the right words to say.

Yeah I know what you mean, I mean for me cannabis started out as recreational...but then I realised it calmed me down and such, so now there's times when its not so much wanting to get 'high' i just want a little relief, I mean sometimes I don't even smoke enough to get high because that's not what I'm looking for I just want to be more calm. I don't have any shoulder pain but I get back pain and so there are times I use the cannabis for that....the over the counter pain killers just don't really help much, unless I take an unhealthy amount of them and even then not really.

As far as the shaman journey thing; I see a hella lot of those herbalist shops advertised in those throwaway magazines they give out at Alberto's. I know most of them are aimed toward the middle aged 'mujeres de casa' but are there any that can point you in the right direction? The healers can't all be hiding out in the interior, there must be 1 or 2 locally. And then there's that, how do you know if they're any good? But anyway how connected are you to your heritage? Any chance that they peg you as a 'pocho' and they might decide to have a little fun with your goal at your expense. It's probably going to be a time consuming and costly endeavor, so ride it out and see your T when you can. In the meantime try sitting back and watching 'Altered States'. Good fortune on your quest

my family doesnt do much with of the mexican stuff here so i like the old shamanic ways of out people and i like studying aztec religon, the whole studying the stars thing and things like that, its all i feel i really have as far as a connection goes :/

yeah ive been usin the herbal type things like valerian root which give me a very light calmness, trying to drink ginger tea or at least gingerale lol (i cant be perfect you know xD) passion flower tea to help me sleep, i mean i guess cannabis is an herb lol i use the stems and soak them in rubbing alcohol for about a month and then i got a Tincture that i can use to rub on sore achy areas so i dont have to smoke for pain, and its usually effective at numbing the area. Im sure if i use the flowers it would be more powerful and probably last longer cuz it only last about 30min right now. but its still relief. Im still learning really and only beging haha

im a bit of a complex person xD my beliefs for example take from many realigons, like to me, they all got something right, but not all the way. From every area of mankinds great civilizations, each one holds a piece to the puzzle of the whole truth. Thats how i see it anyways.
and thank you

You might like this, if you haven't seen it already

http://www.iep.utm.edu/aztec/

I'm not too familiar with the shamanism, but Nahua culture and history deeply fascinate me.

Sweet Pea hugs