Suicide and Funeral

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I'm 29 now. Was googling for painless suicide and came across an article explaining people love us and if we wrote down who would come to our funeral we would realize we are loved, etc.

Well I didn't need to write it down. My mom, my brother, and my sister would come. If I include acquaintances there would be a couple more (e.g. cousins).

I used to have dreams but life is hurtful and I've lost hope. I don't want suicide (mostly because I don't want to hurt my mom/bro/sis), but I don't want to feel dejected and hurt everyday either, it's too much. Cutting my arms is such a lame thing to do for a 29 year old guy but it makes me feel better even though it's started leaving scars.

I'm lost. I had a good job but was depressed and left it. Now I have no job and still depressed. I wonder if there is any direction I can turn to get away from my confusing feelings. A few weeks ago I dreamed of heaven and seen my dad there and I felt peace, true peace and happiness and love for what seemed 10-15 seconds. I want to be there again.

I'm tired.

Hmm I kinda know how you feel......one of the main things keeping me here is the people who would miss me. But even though I know they love me it doesn't exactly get rid of the pain life seems to cause me.

Unfortunately though I don't know what would help exactly, hopefully talking about it here helped some...is there anyone IRL you could talk to about how you feel? though if your anything like me it might be hard to talk about it. Other then that there's standard advice like getting professional help maybe therapy or meds......but I know sometimes that doesn't necessarily help or at least feels like it doesn't.

I have clinical depression and have had it for years. I take meds sometimes and at other times I don't need them. They help me greatly, and once you find the right antidepressant or combination of antidepressants, it's like night and day once it starts working.

Sometimes it takes several tries before you find the right meds, and sometimes you have bad side effects from the meds if they aren't the right one for you, but simply tell the doctor and then stop them and start another one. It doesn't really have any kind of long term effects if you have bad side effects.

Some people will try to sway you from taking the antidepressants because they tried one, once in the past and had side effects and are convinced that all of them are the same etc. They aren't. I've had my share of bad ones, trust me. You have to be willing to take the chance to feel better, and keep trying until you find t he right one. Also, most don't start taking any effect for about two weeks and don't have the maximum effect until about six weeks, so it takes a while. But, what do you have to lose? If it's the wrong one then you'll still be depressed six weeks later and if you don't try anything you'll still be depressed six weeks later.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

I feel your pain OP.

As for me, I don't even care about leaving a note if most likely I jump off a Bridge, my family doesn't care about me and clown & hate on me like strangers do so I don't give a damn about leaving a suicide note.

Only thing keeping me going is some special interest related stuff, otherwise i'm a dead man walking.

I left my job because I couldn't take it anymore and most likely won't be employed ever again because I'm all sorts of screwed up with two major medical conditions.

I try to be cool with everyone but I just get dumped on.

I'm tired of the BS, the world is winning... Me against the world.

double post

being hurt stinks. It stinks bad, and as an adult I still don't really know what to do with my hurt feelings. Being depressed makes it much worse, the perspective of being sad is very tiring.

But please know you aren't alone in your struggle to find hope and life again. Even though it feels impossible, you can have a brighter future, and these worst days will be behind you. Losing someone to suicide is a horrible thing, and you obviously care about your family.

therapy has helped me, being honest with my family about my anxiety and depression instead of trying to hide it from them has helped me, medication has helped me (but not the first tries, like, the fifth and sixth tries), being open with friends about my issues has helped me, trying to be kinder and gentler to myself, and give myself time to get better has helped me. Just going from insomnia to steady and scheduled sleep has helped me immensely, but it didn't happen in a week or a month. It has taken a year. I am still not where I "should" be but I am not going to let that frustrate me from seeing the progress I've made. I know you can, too. I felt the most worthless, but it was not true about me, it was the depression masking my strengths and good qualities. Please don't listen to depression's lies about you.

It sucks when you have to stick around just for other people's sake.

Sweet Pea hugs

I use Exit International for information on this topic.

I have been considering hastening my death. I'm 72, almost 73 and find it increasingly difficult to find a reason to continue living other that the expression of family and a couple of friends that it would somehow be difficult for them.

I was writing about wanting to die in my journal tonight and decided to come here and do a search under suicide.

If anyone wants to exchange some dialogue please use a message to me as I don't check the forum much.

I was telling a friend that, if I were working on a "hotline" that I wouldn't be willing, if I told the truth as I see it, to tell anyone that there are "better off" alive than dead. I really am unsure about this. I have no belief in any sort of "afterlife" so it is a matter of experience. If one's experience is that it is increasingly more painful (that isn't the right word, but a better one doesn't occur to me on the spur of the moment) than pleasurable it makes sense to want to not live that way.

Just for myself, I have really never been able to see the point in friendship in general and have "made a living" from talking to "the mentally ill" so I found a way to get paid to listen and talk to others.

When I'm honest with myself I have really never seen the point of "friends". The exception is that I have usually had one person with whom I have spent time with and talked. Once I say something about my inner life to one person I just haven't seen the point of then going to multiple people and saying the same thing over and over.

I don't think I believe that there is anything to suggest to someone who wants to die anyway.

If they want to die then that is ultimately just another choice to make.

On the other hand, there is loads of ink going into reasons to live that other people have found worth while to write down and publish in some way.

Her I am doing the same thing.

I'm just close enough to being ready to die to be curious if someone here has thought of something that I haven't considered. If so a message would be appreciated, or I may return to this post another time.

Thanks for reading.