Alcohol and Substance Abuse Counselling Thread

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Hello
Recovering opiate addiction here.

Used to eat lortabs, percocets, vicodin like candy and it all started because i got dental surgery so they wrote me a script for some lortabs and i loved them. made me feel like i was walking on the clouds and gave me an energy boost and made me want to get out and get things done. Then my script ran out and through some people i found out that my old neighborhood was a pretty easy place to find any drug you wanted. 4 years later its got to the point where i need 2 - 3 tabs just to get a small effect because my tolerance had built up and i was taking even more because i was working a stressful Walmart job and needed them to cope. Got to the point where i knew i needed to do something because about half my paycheck was buying pills and couldnt survive on my own anymore. Then i ended up losing my job and got back on SSI and moved to a low income housing. Now i use this plant called Kratom and it has really helped with opiate addiction because its effects are similar to opiates but its not as bad because it doesn't have Acetaminophen so it doesn't damage the liver and it isnt very expensive and its 100% legal over in the USA.

And as for other drugs i did enjoy Cannabis because it helps with stress and anger problems and also i used to enjoy drawing after smoking a bowl because it helps me focus on details. But had to quit that too because dont want to risk become a felon for smoking a plant.

Don't really like alcohol though. all it does it make me tired and sluggish. And i absolutely hate cigarettes because they are a waste of money and they smell horrible so ill never smoke those bastards

Thats about it though. I used to have an account here a long time ago but i forgot the password...

Thought maybe this thread could help me. I have been addicted to any drug you can imagine and probably most of them all at once. My biggest demon seems to be heroin/opiates. Nothing makes me forget anything way ever wrong in the first place like opiates. For me this whole sobriety thing is such a daunting task that I can hardly come to terms with doing it. Not only do I now do drugs the worst possible way(IV) but I cannot remember a time in my life where I wasnt high on something or another.

I have come to the realization that becoming sober, for me means, learning how to be a person all over again, not that it was easy the first time. I dont have the slightest damn clue what to do with myself if it wasnt for drugs. Its so pathetically sad. I want so badly to be a productive member of society, I mean I have held a job for quite sometime and am responsible for myself financially but I just feel there are better things out there for me. I dont know how to begin this and I dont want to end up one of those people addicted to methadone going to the clinic and getting horribly sick everyday that I dont make it.

I have no relationships in my life that are not dependant on drugs which also means being sober means I will have to be truly alone as I make my journey towards living my life. Maybe im a coward. I just want some help and I cannot afford to miss work in some rehab program that I would love to attend.

I just feel stuck, like theres no way out and I have no support system in place to help through this.
There has to be an end but my light at the end of the tunnel is too far to see at this point

Not that it really matters to me, because I know if it wasn't for the cannabis I would probably take worse drugs more often. But sometimes I wonder if I've crossed that line between self medication and addiction. I was thinking about it earlier because it seems like every morning I have this weird discomfort until I smoke....I mean before it was basically I tend to have back pain in the morning which it helped, and I seemed to stay more calm and such throughout the day if I smoke in the morning but that was different.

But this other feeling is kind of odd......and kind of hard to describe. But yeah its like discomfort that only goes away with the use of cannabis and I don't know I have a feeling there are other things that could get rid of it but anything I can think of other than Kratom(which I have to order off the internet if I want because it's cheaper). is much stronger. Which raises another question, is it the cannabis or depressant/relaxation drugs in general my brain or whatever is after?

As for alcohol....I don't think I'm an alcoholic because after that last road trip and seeing my family all drunk and just getting burnt out on drinking since it stopped really having any effect on me so aside from the occasional drink....I don't plan to drink. So anyways that's my drug use rambling for the day.

I been drinking tonight already had a glass of barcdi, and working on my second unsure how far I will go tonight, know I should not go to far, but just feeling alone today, and unliked my mom seems to favors over me like my little brother, and her bfs kids among others, I know I am grown but so are his kids.

Still dry yea me, still want one though.

Well last time I drank I ended up overdoing it which was not pleasant and I was being an idiot about something I don't feel the need to bring up here. So yeah I don't really feel like drinking any of the few beers or vodka I have in my room I am not going to waste it though so I will save it for when I want it I suppose which I doubt will be very often.

I want to dink so bad tonight but I can barely trust my self sober.

Drinking a beer after 5 days without a drop of liquor and wondering why I spent so much money on beer over the past couple years when I could have just had more cannabis and more occasional psychedelics and other things . I admit I am a little screwed up I guess I mean I don't regret drinking because I wasn't sober I regret it because I could have had better drugs .

Does any one know if you can get hooked on Neurontin (Gabapentin)?