Adult living at home w/parents - my father has anger issues

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cmoonbeam1
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28 Jul 2012, 6:53 pm

I guess I will post this here. I live at home with my parents. I'm 25. Most of the time it's ok, and I'm planning on moving out in about a year... but it's not soon enough. My parents' marriage problems are getting worse. My dad gets in these moods where he stomps around. He throws things and slams things down and stomps his feet. He will criticize me for things that don't make sense in this horrible tone. It's like he's hitting me with his words.

He yells at my mom to "leave him alone" if she asks him what's wrong. He has to control everything. I made supper tonight, and he came in when we were ready to eat, after spending the entire day in his garden. The table was set and everything. He took the supper I made and just started adding things to it. He cooked a bunch of other stuff and threw it in. He said nothing, just took it upon himself to entirely remake the supper I made. My mother sat outside and refused to eat with him. I was stuck in the middle and just stared at the wall.

He's just awful to everyone when he gets like this. He looks at my mother and I with disgust. His energy feels like a dark pit and his negativity just drains those around him.

He reminds me of how I would be at 55 if I'd never learned about Asperger's, and never really took an interest in figuring out my own mind. I think he has it like me and copes with his meltdowns really badly. He just uses us as emotional punching bags. He's really awful to us. I'm starting to get really worried about my parents' marriage. For the first time, I'm worried that something bad might really happen. I don't know if I have any responsibility here. What can I do? He wouldn't listen to me if I suggested therapy or something, or if I tried to tell him about AS. I'm just afraid to do that. I hope I can last here another year.

The worst is that I really love my dad. He can be wonderful, but it's so hard when he is like this. It's really awful. What can you do when you love someone who hurts you like this? I feel so sick and sad. It's breaking my heart.



guitarman2010
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28 Jul 2012, 8:18 pm

I can kinda relate to your situation as I live with my wife's parents and her father is always angry. It's very hard to deal with him because he is always drinking alcohol and I'm on the sober train trying my hardest to not drink (4 1/2 months sober). There is alot of turmoil here and I feel trapped for the moment.


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faultyproduct
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28 Jul 2012, 8:49 pm

guitarman2010 wrote:
I can kinda relate to your situation as I live with my wife's parents and her father is always angry. It's very hard to deal with him because he is always drinking alcohol and I'm on the sober train trying my hardest to not drink (4 1/2 months sober). There is alot of turmoil here and I feel trapped for the moment.


Well done on being sober for 4 and a half months thats something at least :)



redrobin62
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28 Jul 2012, 10:09 pm

Wouldn't it be nice if we could all just have blissfully pain free lives? (Yeah, I know. I'll keep dreaming).



MightyMorphin
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29 Jul 2012, 2:30 pm

Reminds me of my dad. I'm stuck in this sh*t hole until I can get supported living elsewhere, or until I start with university (that'll be like 5 years away if I ever succeed to get to university)



Pondering
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29 Jul 2012, 3:03 pm

I have angry parents. It sucks but keep looking forward to the time you will get out. It's gonna be okay at least for you. Hopefully your mom can get some help as well if your father does not decide to better his ways. Some people don't seek change, they are just stuck rotting in their old ways. It's sad really, but what can you do...When they choose to so often stew in their frustration and anger, inconsiderate of the closest people around them. From what I have noticed, these people only seem to get worse as time goes by.


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aspiemike
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29 Jul 2012, 3:36 pm

I never talk to my dad on the phone when I call back home. He is the typical armchair critic, but he doesn't seem to have serious anger issues. He does get agitated, and is just critical of everyone around him. I have been working on that behaviour for myself.