No escape.

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O, woe is me. So heartless and cruel are the fates to bring such suffering upon my life. I have been cast into a sea of misery, drifting along on a raft made of solitude. The night is as a blanket sewn from the threads of hatred, thrown across the clarity of day to obscure even passing awareness of my plight, hidden away in the darkness. Forgotten. Driving me to drown myself beneath the waves to bring a resolution to the eternal disaster that is myself so that the world can sigh in relief. Once again capable of looking in the direction I once occupied without having the glowing panorama of life they behold tainted by my loathsome form obscuring their view with the fog of disgust swirling into their sight.

So maybe it's not that dramatic, but it's true that I am nothing but a source of absolute disgust for the people around me. My living situation is a prison.

I live in a small room with my father in my sister's house because a corrupt money-grubbing man took over the apartments we used to live in, and decided to screw my father over. Behind the house is nothing but empty cow fields that go for miles. To the south is corn fields. To the north is the neighbor's orchard. To the east is corn fields. The only road is a single highway that the driveway lets out into. I do not own or have access to a car. A tiny almost nonexistent town is six miles to the north. They have a single grocery store with overpriced food. A small town is ten miles to the south. They have more stores, but my sister refuses to drive there because it's "too far". It is illegal to walk along the highway. I have tried. And I have been picked up by the police and forced to fellate their egos while they lectured me on the dangers of walking alongside a highway and how my reasons for walking were absolute rubbish.

I have not eaten anything in about a week. I am naturally forbidden from eating my sister's food. But I am also not allowed to purchase food with our own food stamps because she will not drive to town unless she has a reason to do so. And when she does take us to buy food, she goes to the overpriced store to the north because it's closer. And no, waiting until she has to go to the town to the south with cheaper food never works, because she will leave without warning on those trips specifically because she doesn't want to drive the extra mile to wait at the store for us. She believe the overpriced food is good enough for us, and that I need to stop being picky. Thus, we usually run out of money well before the end of the month.

Half the time she will take our food stamp card herself and buy our groceries. And since she believes my choice of food isn't healthy, will play mother and buy foods I don't like because she thinks it's better for us. My father allows her to do this because he is non-confrontational. I do not have my own food stamps nor do I qualify for them.

I do not have a job. I can not get a job. Work history is required to be a viable option for hiring. I have been unemployed for years. I do not have transportation to work anyhow. My sister does not deem my reasons for going to town a viable use for her gasoline. I live too far away from town to rely on other transportation.

Moving out isn't an option. I tried getting out of here and to my mother's house, where access to a car was greater, access to food lasted longer than half of a month, and the temperature in the house managed to stay below 90. But my mother threw me out because it was making her new husband uncomfortable. I was a terrible house guest. I would do things like stay in my room and out of his way when he was at home, eat such large amounts as one simple cheese sandwich per day, and drink such copious amounts of liquid ( such as two or three cups of milk or cola per day ) that his food stocks were dry within months of stocking the fridge with new groceries. And I would dare to watch television at night in my room with the door shut and the volume almost set to zero.

It goes without saying that I don't have any friends to stay with. And the rest of my family is rich and therefore sees my poorness as an offense to humanity, thus offering me a place to stay would be akin to buying more drugs for the homeless.

Homeless shelters are absolutely miserable. I am aware that stripping myself of occasional internet access and a toilet with a relatively low chance of having bodily fluids spewed all over it would be folly. But that doesn't invalidate the fact that my current living situation isn't exactly livable. I do get to bathe regularly in a bathroom that doesn't have a line outside waiting. So there's that.

I'm not saying my problems are worse than anyone else's. I'm just saying that as it stands, I am nothing but an unwanted pet my sister is watching until she can throw it out without the weight of additionally throwing her father out on her conscious.

I desperately want an escape from this. But what can somebody do when they are basically dead to the world?

the only way out for me was a trip through homelessness into the military.

Wish I had an extra couple of rooms and wasn't married to a weenie. You could stay at my house.

Actually, he's not a weenie, just very protective. If he were more benevolent, our life would actually be easier.

I'd bet that if your family loosened the purse-strings a little bit, they'd be even better off. People with money like to "donate" to "charity", but not give to actual people.

I have a 40-hour a week job with okay benefits, but we have about $4 a month of disposable income--seriously.

That does sound terrible....anyways though I just really don't even know what I'd suggest but if I think of anything helpful I'll let you know. Sorry you're having to deal with that prediciment. One thing I can think of is, if you could walk to town or whatever without being right next to the highway to avoid being stopped by the cops or whatever.

Will the pigs let you at least ride a bicycle down the highway?

If yes, save up for one. It's at least faster than walking.

Why'd you marry him exactly?

The bike is a good idea. A 50cc scooter is also cool. You can ride one legally without a motorcycle license. A used one should cost a couple of hundred bucks. Maybe you can get a loan from your sister if you promise to get a job in the town 10 miles away.

Sister sounds too NPD to consider a loan. Money? To buy a scooter? so you can go where you need to? Then what would you need me around for?

Bicycle would be a good start. If the highway has crossings and a shoulder the cops can't stop you from operating your vehicle on the road. Pedestrians look too much like they are hitchhiking or soliciting and it's more likely that the bicyclist has legitimate business to attend to in the cops' mind (as long as you give the appearance that you have someplace to go)

I wouldn't even tell anyone about the bicycle, if the sister got wind of it I can predict she'll find a way to sabotage your autonomy

auntblabby

I could never handle that. Never mind the massive problems with authority, I get stressed enough as it is with day to day stuff. Adding in a screeching man demanding I do physical activities until my body shut down on me would drive me to shut down mentally and earn myself a dishonorable discharge. Which is as I understand it an official label that says "This person is garbage" to anybody important that I would run in to for the rest of my life.

Mindsigh

Thanks anyhow. It means a lot just to know somebody out there would be willing to help out if they could.

Your husband sounds a lot like the guy a friend I used to have was married to. He was absolutely insane with suspicion about anybody that he didn't personally know and interact with on a regular basis. Although I do hope your husband isn't nearly as ... erm ... "actively aggressive" when he finds a subject uncomfortable or otherwise not to his liking.

On an unfortunately similar subject ( a similarity I have decided not to elaborate on since it's not fit for the forum ). I've seen that problem with people who have lots of money, too, in my aunts and uncles. They are absolutely drowning in money, but only offer financial assistance to very publicly viewable charities. And any cause that will gain them the highest praise in their social circles. Meanwhile they re-gift twenty year old toys that their kids used to play with to their great nieces and nephews.

I don't expect nor believe that they should spend their money on family, but it sort of hurts when I see my mother struggle to keep her house because she missed one minor payment, or see my father fight to keep his clunky piece-of-crap power wheelchair from bursting into flames when he uses it, while my aunt is bragging about the $1600 fence she just bought to put around her trash cans.

One reason why I know a job won't solve all my problems, definitely. The cost of living is absolutely insane. I feel for you on that mess. It shouldn't require two college-degree level full time jobs to maintain a single non-mansion household. Or even an apartment and a single car.

Sweetleaf

Unfortunately the only way to town is the road or through the corn fields. And since they are for grinding into feed and not for selling whole, the corn rows are all unorganized and clumped together, so I couldn't even navigate the maize maze if I wanted to. Plus I'd probably get shot. And since this road is a highway, the shoulder is pretty much nonexistent.

again_with_this

Not enough room beside the road for it. I'm talking literally less than six inches of room, and half of it is broken up because the road needs repairs, too.

redrobin62

2wheels4ever hit the nail on the head with their reply. She would never under any circumstance give me money for anything. She sees me as a handicapped child who is too sensitive and has a giant chip on his shoulder. Everything I say and do is wrong to her. She is so desperate for me to be wrong that she will argue obviously wrong standpoints just so I won't have the satisfaction of being right. And since she knows that I have insanely poor debating skills, she runs me into the ground every time.

2wheels4ever

But yeah, six inch shoulders made of asphalt chunks.

i'm guessing your sister is a Christian and republican, right?

patrickmoler

You should really apologize to Mr. Nail, because you just hit him in the head pretty hard.

Also, put the rest of my family in that category, save for my father, who is a democrat.

If it's truly that bad, then you could probably get Adult Protective Services to step in. Have you considered giving them a call? If nothing else they could insist that your family help you with resources.

OliveOilMom

That would never work. I have never once in my entire life managed to convince anybody with the capacity to help me that I'm anything but a moody immature sponge who blames everyone but himself for his problems and wants everything handed to him for free.

I still don't think I am, but that fact in itself most likely means that I am. So I've pretty much given up on trying to find help. Either I don't deserve it or I'm not strong enough to find it. All I can do is vent so the frustration doesn't build up into another incident with the hospital.

And I'm fully aware how childish and immature that sounds, like I'm threatening something if I don't get to unload my problems somewhere.

Yeah, Typical behavior. They want to help so long as it's not inconvenient and it gives them power over you. It's a tough deal. I wish I had some decent input I could give.

No worries. This whole mess has been a situation I've been trying to solve for almost 20 years. So either I'm an idiot or there is no fix.

--

This is probably going to be my last post on these boards. The person who lets me use their dial-up account to get online is cutting it off. And the electricity in this house will be cut off in the next few days. So little damn was being given to begin with, but now that her world is falling apart, I can completely forget about escaping this place. Until her world is in balance, mine can continue to fester and rot until she can afford to throw my father out and still pay her rent.

I'm truly one of the most useless people on this planet. There's nothing I can do. I have to have a car to get a job. I have to have a job to get a car. I have to have a job history to get a job. I have to get a job to have a job history. I need the blue key but it's behind the red door. I need to get the red key but it's behind the blue door.

So sick of going over this stupid circle again and again. It's a good thing I'm about to be shut down and shut out from the rest of the world. Then maybe I'll finally snap and can spend the rest of my life insane and in a padded room.