Verbal Communications Differences and Difficulties Sticky

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There was a person in my country with ASD who was wrongly sent to jail for rape. The circumstances of the case are farcical, as he was completely the wrong guy that didn't even match the offenders description.
He was so upset about the injustice of being wrongly imprisoned, that he refused to talk from the time he was sentenced until the time he was freed two and a half years later (he got pardoned and compensation).

Wow, I'm finding this a very interesting thread. I haven't quite gotten through all of it yet, but I wanted to add a few of my own impressions anyway.
I was selectively mute as a kid, as well as having a pretty bad (and very frustrating!) speech impediment. If something was important to me I would write notes to my parents, my teachers. My asperger's went undiagnosed, but I did receive some intensive speech therapy. I'm unlike the 'stereotypical' (we know there is no such thing) aspie, in that I don't go on and on about my interests, but only because I can't seem to get the words out. I am not mute, but I seem to get so anxious I'm incapable of accessing the proper language and I grope stupidly for the basics. I don't know if this is related, but when I'm very stressed out I tend to lose my voice as though suffering from laryngitis.
And an aside to Labpet, who gets so (understandably) upset about some NTs selective illiteracy, it reminded me that in some situations my visual processing can shut down. Told to read something and sign it to say I've understood, or asked to look at a computer screen and choose the appropriate response, I'm unable to focus, unable to process words or symbols. I can still see, but nothing makes sense. I wonder if NTs experience anything comparable to this when presented with notes, a sort of intellectual stage fright?
Writing and drawing are still my preferred methods for communicating. Unfortunately few people take the time to try to understand me via these avenues.

I know this experience all too well. Actually trying to defend myself - especially in real time - just makes my attempts to do so worse. If I can wait a few days and write out my defense, I can do so more clearly and precisely, but at that point, in situations that matter, people are less likely to accept it.

One problem I have with defending myself verbally in real time is that the situations where I have to defend myself are nearly always novel. I can't even assemble a proper response. The scripted responses that I use may make it sound like I am agreeing with things I do not agree with, or may simply be entirely irrelevant. Or it's just a mangled mess of words.

This problem goes back to childhood. My father would decide I had done something wrong (whether I had or not) and then he'd demand I look him in the eye, otherwise I must be lying. But looking people in the eyes is practically painful.

I've been reading this thread as I was recently reminded of its existence somehow. I looked at it at some point last year but forgot about it. I'm glad it's here. Lately I've been in more situations where I can understand how I communicate verbally - that is, badly. My previous therapist described me as having circumstantial speech, but I didn't really fully understand what that meant. I am still not sure I do, but I know I can answer a question verbally, think I have actually answered the question to the best of my ability, and be told that I said nothing relevant.

The past five or six days, though, I've been mute. I had a shutdown and when it ended, I couldn't speak. Yesterday I was able to force a few words when needed - two on the phone. Three to my stepfather. One to my mother. I had another shutdown last night, though, and I think it's pushed me back to where I was before.

I don't know if it's selective mutism, conversion disorder, or something else related in some way to autism. I will admit I am actually not all that bothered by it, except when people talk to me and want me to answer them. I prefer to communicate in writing, and I believe that what I write is closer to what I want to communicate than anything I say (unless I am simply quoting my own writing, which I do when I can).

Anyway, reading this thread has been a big help.

I have that "mangled mess of words"/nothing relevant problem, too. My life used to be a nightmare. My boyfriend got angry and I clammed up or said things that didn't seem relevant and it made him even more angry which made me unable to say anything at all which made things even more disastrous.

Lately I've been under a lot of stress and I'm not answering people when they talk to me/ask me something. I know I should, but it just takes too much effort that I'd rather save for something more important.

Stress makes it so much worse.

My ex used to decide she'd "won" the argument when I simply shut down and stopped talking. Like "You have no answer, so I must be right." But I just couldn't talk to her. I could counter everything she said, given time and a keyboard, but verbally I am rubbish at arguments.

I guess it's alright so share........I have a much much older brother. He is neurotypical (that is, not diagnosed) but, that being said, he does have underlying AS qualities. My brother is successful, incredibly smart, and unconventional. This incident that I'll share happened a few years ago and I was told. He is also excessively fair-skinned and haired with pale eyes, and, he is a really good-looking man. He's worn his hair longish for a time and had a beard. Really shy/sensitive.

Anyway, he was driving in his truck with his daugher - she is quite outgoing and very good with people. Suddenly a police car approached with lights flashing and he pulled over. It was a minor matter - like his tail-light was out or something. The police officer was just checking and asked for license/registration. Then he asked what they were drinking (they'd done nothing at all wrong) - it was root beer in brown bottles. Not a problem, but my conscientious brother was so nervous around this policeman. He started to falter, then teary-eyed. The policeman asked him to remove his sunglasses (note my brother's eyes are so pale he oftentimes wears sunglasses). He was asked to recite the alphabet but, with his intense shyness and the situation, he literally could not speak. Note he does not ever abuse alcohol (or any drug!) and he's quite straight-laced.

My neice to the rescue She spoke to the officer, telling him of her unique (and great) daddy - the police officer somehow 'got it' and all turned out OK. But I think you can see how awkward an otherwise innocuous situation can be.

Yes, I can relate to that story (although not in the context of dealing with police).

I got to do an entire therapy session today on keyboard. I'm not sure if I explained myself better than I do verbally, but the therapist I was conversing with seemed to "get" things I wrote better than people usually do when I try to describe them verbally.

I don't speak unless spoken to, and even then I might not say much. That was literally beaten into me by my parents, who were abused themselves as children.

I find it difficult to speak when under pressure. When calm I can argue well, but I have to take it slowly.

One of my housemates thinks having the last word means he must be right, but others say he is immature and they don't respect him. I get frustrated, but I can deal with not being able to think of a quick answer because with him there's no point.

But harder to deal with is a housemate who is training to be a psychotherapist. To win an argument she "diagnoses" the other as having a personality disorder to make them doubt their ability to argue reasonably. She makes a harsh personal attack on the person rather than address the issue being contended.

She also makes absolute statments, saying stuff like
"this is the only way to act in this situation".
She makes it difficult to discuss alternatives by repeating "we can only act this way" whenever someone tried to put another solution.
She reminds those present "this is really uncomfortable" (and it is) but refuses to resolve the tension by discussing possible solutions, or by allowing compromise or humour to deflate it.
I suppose she wants people to give in because the stress created by her refusal to negotiate is too painful to bear. I find myself shaking and speechless at her verbal aggression.

It seems you have a good handle on what their methods of 'arguing' are which in fact boil down to the verbalised equivalent of cheap tricks. I myself would think through counter-arguments or ways to intelligently dissemble their bluster, in actual sentences and words, and in future you will might be able to more effectively deal with them. Thats what I did and it has helped me deal with difficult people when I used to 'lose my words'. And try and stay calm of course

Thanks nostromo.

If something is really affecting me I try to work out what to say and can manage it sometimes if I stay calm. It takes a lot of effort to think it through. Writing it down can help. Also it helps if the other person wants to listen and learn, instead of winning at any cost.

There are times when I don't think there's any point to correct a misconception because they need to look down on me to feel good about themself.
I noticed since I mentioned I might be AS that some people are condescending and patronising where they used to be more respectful.

I think it's a great idea! This is one of the biggest reasons I'm on here. I am not a huge talker and tend to cut straight to the point when I am talking unless it's a subject matter that I really like. I definitely want to learn how to better communicate.

I'll admit that most people probably think I'm intensely verbal just cause, I post a great deal in forums yet, most of this forums tend to have a simplified requirements in terms of what to post. In other words, it's rare you see me post something serious & profound for though, I'm good at such things due to my grammar difficulties I don't tend to post such.. Honestly, I sometimes feel as if some fellow people in the spectrum tend to do a way better job of communicating things & ideas but, this is not to imply a feeling of envy rather, I realise my written comunication skills are not as good.

There is not much else to say except that, I don't choose to bother nor burden anyone here..

I can get very defensive about myself. It gets to the point where I just blow up at everyone, and everyone is unhappy.

I am quite short-tempered, on that note....... it's just something of my nature, I guess.

If I don't interact with people outside my family for a couple of weeks, my speaking becomes rusty and is quite stuttering and halting and confused the next time that I emerge from my hole. This happened yesterday, and I noticed that my speaking was really awful in the morning, but then, it improved by the late afternoon due to speaking all through the day.

I was i "speech therapy" for most of my elementry years. I still have trouble attempting to form words correctly. I often have to have people repeat what they say as I have trouble processing spoken words. I can "hear" fine though. I love music just don't ask me to repeate what anyboday says as I will be wrong. I am far better at communicatng with my keyboard. Part my problem is I can only focus on one thing at a time. If more than one person is speaking or there is noise in the background my comprehension goes down the tube.